It first hit me eons ago that we might THINK we think feel believe something to be true, but we never know for sure until a crisis hits or a crowning moment occurs.
In the case of my relationship with my sister, I confess to having been totally unsure what I thought, felt or believed. It felt like I deeply admired her & longed to one of the precious few allowed into her inner circle, but was grounded enough - at least as an adult - to realize, "Ain't going to happen."
It surprised me that my first thought last night on seeing the sisters pin was - "Gotta get it!" Seriously? When that was so not our relationship? Was running & rerunning that through my brain - right up until today's church service.
The AH HA-ness of it all started at an older friend's apartment, where - waiting for her to finish getting ready to head out to church - I picked up a book & opened it to:
When he shall die,
It startled me to realize I'd immediately thought of Mim as sparkling stars across the heavens. Thought of it with a burst of glorious joy.
The sense of glory continued with the first hymn -
Triumphant Zion! lift thy head
From dust and darkness, and the dead!
Though humbled long, awake at length,
And gird thee with thy Savior’s strength.
Put all thy beauteous garments on,
And let thy excellence be known:
Decked in the robes of righteousness,
The world thy glories shall confess.
No more shall foes unclean invade,
And fill thy hallowed walls with dread:
No more shall hell’s insulting host
Their victory and thy sorrows boast.
God from on high has heard thy prayer;
His hand thy ruin shall repair:
Nor will thy watchful Monarch cease
To guard thee in eternal peace.
WOW! Felt literally lifted up. By then, it was clear that something pretty spectacular was rolling out & I just gave into the wonder of it all.
Which was good, since the 2nd-to-last hymn also had me practically waving my hands in hallelujah:
O Word of God incarnate,
O Wisdom from on high,
O Truth, unchanged, unchanging,
O Light of our dark sky!
We praise Thee for the radiance
That from the hallow'd page,
A lantern to our footsteps,
Shines on from age to age.
It floateth like a banner
Before God's host unfurl'd;
It shineth like a beacon
Above the darkling world;
It is the chart and compass
That o'er life's surging sea,
Mid mists and rocks and quicksands,
Still guides, O Christ, to Thee.
In the case of my relationship with my sister, I confess to having been totally unsure what I thought, felt or believed. It felt like I deeply admired her & longed to one of the precious few allowed into her inner circle, but was grounded enough - at least as an adult - to realize, "Ain't going to happen."
It surprised me that my first thought last night on seeing the sisters pin was - "Gotta get it!" Seriously? When that was so not our relationship? Was running & rerunning that through my brain - right up until today's church service.
The AH HA-ness of it all started at an older friend's apartment, where - waiting for her to finish getting ready to head out to church - I picked up a book & opened it to:
When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
It startled me to realize I'd immediately thought of Mim as sparkling stars across the heavens. Thought of it with a burst of glorious joy. The sense of glory continued with the first hymn -
Triumphant Zion! lift thy head
From dust and darkness, and the dead!
Though humbled long, awake at length,
And gird thee with thy Savior’s strength.
Put all thy beauteous garments on,
And let thy excellence be known:
Decked in the robes of righteousness,
The world thy glories shall confess.
No more shall foes unclean invade,
And fill thy hallowed walls with dread:
No more shall hell’s insulting host
Their victory and thy sorrows boast.
God from on high has heard thy prayer;
His hand thy ruin shall repair:
Nor will thy watchful Monarch cease
To guard thee in eternal peace.
WOW! Felt literally lifted up. By then, it was clear that something pretty spectacular was rolling out & I just gave into the wonder of it all.
Which was good, since the 2nd-to-last hymn also had me practically waving my hands in hallelujah:
O Word of God incarnate,
O Wisdom from on high,
O Truth, unchanged, unchanging,
O Light of our dark sky!
We praise Thee for the radiance
That from the hallow'd page,
A lantern to our footsteps,
Shines on from age to age.
It floateth like a banner
Before God's host unfurl'd;
It shineth like a beacon
Above the darkling world;
It is the chart and compass
That o'er life's surging sea,
Mid mists and rocks and quicksands,
Still guides, O Christ, to Thee.
O make Thy Church, dear Saviour,
A lamp of burnish'd gold,
To bear before the nations
Thy true light as of old;
O teach Thy wandering pilgrims
By this, their path to trace,
Till, clouds and darkness ended,
They see Thee face to face.
By the time the final hymn started, I was totally into the moment, totally celebrating Mim's release into a fabulous whatever:
Blessing and honor and glory and power,
Wisdom and riches and strength evermore
Give ye to Him Who our battle hath won
Whose are the kingdom, the crown, and the throne.
Past are the darkness, the storm, and the war,
Come is the radiance, that sparkles afar,
Breaketh the gleam of the day without end,
Riseth the Sun that shall never descend.
Ever ascendeth the song and the joy;
Ever descendeth the love from on high;
Blessing and honor and glory and praise,
This is the theme of the hymns that we raise.
I think a "sorry" call is due to Matt Synnestvedt's daughters, who sat in front of me, because I just BELTED that last hymn out, especially the last verse - Ever ascendeth the song and the joy; ever descendeth the love from on high. Blessing and honor and glory and praise - this is the theme of the hymns that we raise!!
It's true - you don't know 'til you know. And between wanting the pin & seeing the bit from Shakespeare & singing it out in church, I know for sure. I didn't have a standard sister-to-sister relationship with Mim, but my heart was always with her.
I can't be sad that she is gone, her body had turned against her years ago.
Of course I'll miss the big smile on John's face, the zoom of happy in his voice, as my hubster would come into the kitchen with the mail, saying, "You have a letter from Mim!" It makes me tear up, knowing that I'll never see another envelope or note in her distinctive script. But what joy to know in my heart she's putting beauteous garments on & that her excellence is being known, especially to her once reluctant self!
It may have shocked the person who gave me her condolences when I said it, but I really & truly do feel like Mim's passing is a time for dancing in the streets!
A lamp of burnish'd gold,
To bear before the nations
Thy true light as of old;
O teach Thy wandering pilgrims
By this, their path to trace,
Till, clouds and darkness ended,
They see Thee face to face.
By the time the final hymn started, I was totally into the moment, totally celebrating Mim's release into a fabulous whatever:
Blessing and honor and glory and power,
Wisdom and riches and strength evermore
Give ye to Him Who our battle hath won
Whose are the kingdom, the crown, and the throne.
Past are the darkness, the storm, and the war,
Come is the radiance, that sparkles afar,
Breaketh the gleam of the day without end,
Riseth the Sun that shall never descend.
Ever ascendeth the song and the joy;
Ever descendeth the love from on high;
Blessing and honor and glory and praise,
This is the theme of the hymns that we raise.
I think a "sorry" call is due to Matt Synnestvedt's daughters, who sat in front of me, because I just BELTED that last hymn out, especially the last verse - Ever ascendeth the song and the joy; ever descendeth the love from on high. Blessing and honor and glory and praise - this is the theme of the hymns that we raise!!
It's true - you don't know 'til you know. And between wanting the pin & seeing the bit from Shakespeare & singing it out in church, I know for sure. I didn't have a standard sister-to-sister relationship with Mim, but my heart was always with her.
MIM (Joann Kiernan Lockhart)
Of course I'll miss the big smile on John's face, the zoom of happy in his voice, as my hubster would come into the kitchen with the mail, saying, "You have a letter from Mim!" It makes me tear up, knowing that I'll never see another envelope or note in her distinctive script. But what joy to know in my heart she's putting beauteous garments on & that her excellence is being known, especially to her once reluctant self!
It may have shocked the person who gave me her condolences when I said it, but I really & truly do feel like Mim's passing is a time for dancing in the streets!
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