Ian's death, Dad's, Mom's, now Mim's - every time someone in my family has died, I've experienced a reevaluation of my life roles. Is it a typical stage in dealing with a death? It's certainly been my norm.
Ian's sudden, shocking death at 11 years old brought home to my 7-year old self that I better let people know I cared about them NOW, because there might be a later.
Dad's death shifted my family role from the youngest to the Responsible One, the one Mom turned to for practical support, just as she turned to Mim for emotional & spiritual support.
Mom's 09/16/01 death combined with national tragedy, personal & career turmoil to obliterate all but one of my life roles, forcing me to start from scratch.
Mim's death three weeks ago seems to be affecting me more like Ian's than Dad's or Mom's. Ian's left me resolutely upbeat, determined to let people know when they matter. Mim's - at least three weeks in - seems to underscore all that is right & wonderful in my life, seeing more clearly the ways I'm similar to my older sister & the ways we've always been light years apart.
A few days ago, a good friend marveled that I continue working on relationships, post mortum. Her comment took me by surprise - doesn't everyone? It's always been my natural response, even as a little kid.
It's not that, as a survivor, I get to rewrite things to suit me. Often, the revealed realizations don't suit me at all! It's more like all the sturm und drang around personal dynamics that glunked up my perception is blown away, like the fluff of dandelion gone to seed.
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