TOUGHing it out

Carol Dweck, Angela Duckworth, Paul Tough - three names writ large across my universe.  Carol (growth mind-set) is built on by Angela (grit), who's built on by Paul (where to begin?).

Paul's 2013 book ~ How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character ~  is an assumption-jogging build on Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers audio book, which I listened & relistened to in June. 

Both Gladwell & Tough look at the difference between children who come from advantaged classes & those who grew up in disadvantaged homes as far more than simply a matter of money or position.  Both men consider the advantages as coming down more to how such children are raised to see themselves, to interact with others, to seek & expect their needs to be recognized & met, to be able to stand up for themselves, even with adults & people of perceived power.  That, both men believe, is what makes such a difference in later life.

From reading the Amazon interview with Paul Tough to zipping through Daniel Willingham's short review of the book to Peter Mayer's considerably longer & more contentious consideration of both the book & Willingham's points, was engrossed by roles certain quality traits & cognitive abilities play in determining success.

And I absolutely LOVE the thought that we can learn the character traits that lead to greater & greater success in life.  Just as we can recalibrate our mind-set to be more growth than fixed, we can bulk up character traits like perseverance, resiliency, even curiosity.  What they don't say & I will is that we can do this at ANY age.

I am 63 years old.  To someone like my friend Anne, who is almost 94, that makes me practically a baby.  To one of the kids who feast every Saturday morning on The Cupcake Lady's goodies, that would make me practically an antique.  Age is relative.  

To this day, I believe that one reason my sibs seemed so unhappy with Mom psych work on getting a better sense of self came down to it being scary realizing that if she could change in her late 80s, there was no excuse for the rest of us hiding behind "we're too old."
  
Dweck Duckworth Tough Gladwell Siegelman Peterson...  Those names seem to be on a loop in my mind heart soul.  The importance of character, the power of grit, the key of a growth mind-set.  For months - years - I've been fiddling around, trying to figure out just where I wanted to place my focus in working with older friends, in igniting a revolution that gives the boot to our current culture's woeful mindset around growing older.  

All those years of wondering WHAT it is I'm meant to do, and it turns out to just share my path.  To shout from the rooftops that my older friends - whatever their age - need to suck it up, tough it out, be bold & keep living! 

 

It started with seeing how a local high school's senior project helps students identify key character traits, core values & build a unique project that embodies them.  That got me thinking - what about a similar effort with folks who've hit retirement age & older?  But that's all it was - an interesting possibility.

It built into pondering a book of activities for regular multi-generation families to do that would pull together the young & the old & everything in between.  It could make a significant difference, on so many levels.  I blogged about it, but that was about all.  It remains an interesting possibility.

It expanded with the idea of Song Salve, a loosely-connected band of volunteer musicians & singers who can come together in pairs or groups or soloists to sing beloved songs for people who are in need of soothing.  How wonderful it would have been to have a trio or just one voice singing The Trees of the Field & Heather Childs' The Lord's Prayer for Mim, her hearing it via Skype.  But all I've done is introduce the idea as an interesting possibility.  


So many interesting possibilities that filled my heart with joy & my soul with hope...  but where's the grunt work needed to actually make any of it HAPPEN?  It feel lyrical, uplifting, utterly inspiring -and means ZIP without the wherewithal to make it so!  

Now, I feel the ground under my feet.  Time to get out the earth-moving tools & vehicles.  I've found the uniting theme connecting them all.  And it's a shocker!  Turns out my truest life purpose is to be the fullest, most realized, most leave-it-all-on-the-field ME.  Sheez...

And so it begins with me, here & now, 25+ years younger than Mom when she started her great internal work that resulted in such incredible blessings for herself & so many.  Picard says, Make it so.  Lao Tzu says, The journey of a thousand miles starts beneath your feet.  Now.

Embody the character Paul Touch extols, the grit Angela Duckworth champions, the growth mind-set Carol Dweck ballyhoos.  Embrace the cognitive abilities David Willingham & Peter Mayer hold invaluable.  Become the very thing I seek for friends of ALL ages - wisely directed, determined action to be my best, to boldly go where no one has gone before (because only I can!) at any age.