Saturday, August 30, 2014

our current house divided


We see the dilemma of 1858 America playing out in today's political environment, with a nation divided almost evenly between varying degrees of progressive & conservative ideologies.  

Well, that needs to be conditioned.  Conservatives, as is their longtime tendency, focus more on unity - purity - of belief, on single-mindedness of understanding.  So unlike the various shades & degrees that keep progressives from a similar single mindset.  

We are further divided by degrees of incivility, intolerance, and a strident lack of compassion for the different other.  While it is the fashion to lay equal blame for today's contentious atmosphere at the feet of bother parties, that's simply a false equivalency.  

It's clear why so many ardent conservatives seem to denigrate facts & the quantifiable.  It's so much nicer for them to run with their feelings, with what they know in their gut rather than what actually happened.

Facts are pesky things which can bear out little ol' radical centrist moi laying  responsibility for today's incivil, "no negotiating, forget compromising" atmosphere at the feet of Republicans.  Just look at their nasty attacks on President Obama, from before his election to present day.  "Whoa, there," I can hear my GOP friends cautioning.  "Dems did the same with with George W. Bush."  But go back over the clips from the 2nd Bush administration - yes, liberals attacked President Bush, but through disbelieving ridicule & scathing jest, not with seething hatred & even virulence.  

We are today a house every bit as divided as it was when Lincoln ran for the presidency.  How will our nation resolve our current reality?  Because one thing remains unchanged from Jesus' time to ours - a house divided against itself still cannot stand.

A house divided

No American is more associated with abolishing slavery than Abraham Lincoln.  

It was always a shock to my high school history students - as it had been to me - to learn that Lincoln emancipated the slaves for practical reasons that had nothing to do with any personal support of abolition.  No one could have been clearer than the man himself, expressed clearly in his First Inaugural - 
I have no purpose, directly or indirectly, to interfere with the institution of slavery in the States where it exists. I believe I have no lawful right to do so, and I have no inclination to do so.~ ~ Those who nominated and elected me did so with full knowledge that I had made this and many similar declarations and had never recanted them.

What Lincoln WAS for, body & soul, was the preserving the Union.  Whatever his personal beliefs, the political qualms he had with slavery related to how that "peculiar institution" threatened the United States with discord & bloodshed.  

By the time Lincoln ran for the presidency, the country had been thrown into a tailspin by Roger B. Taney's Supreme Court.  When I first learned about the Dred Scott decision, back in 7th grade, it was presented as the court ruling against his claim to be free by virtue of having been taken to a free state.  I hadn't a clue that the decision had as deep an impact on our nation as it did on that hapless individual.  I certainly had no sense of how the SCOTUS decision had further poisoned already past-toxic relations between the regions - north, south, territories.  

Looking at his 1858 "House Divided" speech, Lincoln starts out downright Biblical - Mark 3:25, "If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand."  He then goes on to lay out the realities of the American situation:
I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free.
I do not expect the Union to be dissolved -- I do not expect the house to fall -- but I do expect it will cease to be divided.
It will become all one thing or all the other.
Either the opponents of slavery, will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction; or its advocates will push it forward, till it shall become alike lawful in all the States, old as well as new -- North as well as South.

In a nutshell - Lincoln believes our national government cannot continue as it was, half slave & half free.  He believes the Union will hold, but the division will stop, becoming all the one or all the other.  His tone seems to indicate he isn't invested in either outcome, while his arguments for & against make it clear which is the humanitarian choice.

The speech is worth a read, then another read.  The man was beyond masterly with his words.  It's like he came from another dimension of reality, he was so nibble with phrasing, so clear in his content & context.  

And he always spoke - eloquently, forcefully - out of two sides of his mouth at the same time.  Always, he'd argue that he didn't care about whether the country went all slave or all free, as long as it stayed politically united, but his details always made the reader come to the same conclusion - slavery had to go.  His sound bites said "No no!" to the need to abolish slavery, but a full read said "Yes yes!"

Jefferson was a man torn between his sensibilities as a human being, a man who saw the horrors of slavery to the individual & to the country, and as a plantation owner whose prosperity rested on the shoulders & in the hands of over 200 slaves.  He could not bring himself to be all one or all the other.  

Lincoln wasn't torn.  Too pragmatic.  And always aware that his personal feelings were secondary to his role as Chief Executive sworn to uphold the Constitution - which protected slavery in states that wanted it.  It astonishes me how he juggled so many different political balls at the same time.  He never lost sight of the prize - preserving the Union.  

Was it so much malarky when he said that he didn't care if the country went all slave or all free, as long as the Union held?  On some level, I think he believed just that - if it took our nation embracing slavery in every state & territory to preserve the Union, then that's what he'd support.  

And he knew it never would.  That being so, for the Union to be preserved, slavery had to go.  Because of one simple fact - a house divided against itself cannot stand.  

Friday, August 29, 2014

Open hearts, open house - 25 years ago

Twenty-five years ago, the Lockhart ladies were delighted to wake up to what promised to be a beautiful day.  And it was!

The Friday before Labor Day, aka the day of the open house we threw in honor of Mike & Kerry, Scott & Karen, visiting from Australia for my wedding.  It also stood in for the rehearsal dinner that the groom's family normally throws, except my groom's mother was still recovering from a broken hip & no one saw John enjoying the task of tackling a mega party.  An open house two days before the Big Event made much more sense!

The open house was the first of seven parties that happened that long, leisurely weekend.  Like the others, it was laid back, devoid of stress, filled with friends and - my heart still swells with love & amazement - FAMILY.

Lots of family, literally from the four corners of the world.  Peter was SURE that Whitney would never be able to spare the time from studies at Barnard, but there she was - my soon-to-be maid of honor.  He was SURE that Reynolds would never be able to spare the time from studies & sports at St. Andrews, but there he was, at the ready to be one of John's ushers.  The family from Down Under & from Newcastle, from N.J. & NV, from Missouri & Florida.  The wedding turned out to be the one & only Reynolds family reunion!  

That Friday night twenty-five years ago kicked off so many smiles, so much laughter, so much just plain old-fashioned FUN!  

How appropriate the my life right now touches on Little Women - am publicity head for Bryn Athyn Community Theater's fall production.  The image of Meg & John standing hand in hand in front of Mr. March, who married the pair, was at the heart of our wedding.  (It helped that I had stewardship, at that time, of Tasha Tudor's original chapter heading artwork showing that very scene.)  My hope was for a wedding that, while perhaps not the least bit fashionable would still be memorable for all the love & lovely times.  Everything was kept as simple as possible, which allowed all of us to enjoy the unforgettable moments unfolding around us, my guide always being, "Will John enjoy this?" - if the answer was even possible "No," then it was immediately tossed.  

That was our rule of thumb in planning the open house  - lots of good but basic food that didn't need a lot of fussing.  Beer & wine.  Lovely weather that kept the house comfortable in spite of the capacity crowd.  And John was all smiles, all night.

Looking over the pictures of that evening, am still all smiles.  Mom & Whitney & Pam.  Louis & Freya with Mike & Kerry.  The Pendletons with Scott & Karen.  Mim & Peter.  Peddicords & Actons, neighbors & friends from far away.  No Ripleys, who were doing something with David over in N.J. - how they were missed!  

Staying focused on John's comfort instead of anything else ended up opening a way for love & connection & utter joy to be part of every moment & memory. And the magic officially started on this day ~ the Friday before Labor Day ~ twenty-five glorious years ago.  

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Thanks, thanks & more thanks

Far from being fazed by potential plumbing calamities, am focused on grateful we are for all the generous support - on all levels - that the two of us have received over the past thirteen years.

For years, I'd expected certain changes to happen when Mom was finally reunited with her O Best Beloved.  My sibs would totally distance themselves, friends who were close to her would drop out of my life, I'd be faced with new challenges I couldn't begin to anticipate while she was still with us.

I did not expect that Mom's fall in Virginia would precipitate going through our savings at an alarming clip.

I did not expect that my country would be in a state of shock & mourning.

I did not expect to lose my job within four hours of returning to work.

I did not expect that all doors back into the corporate world would be  permanently shut to me.

I did not realize that Mom going would be so much more than I could have imagined.  My sibs did remain out of my life - and so did my nieces & nephews.  Friends fell away - including ones I'd thought were mine, too.  My role as daughter vanished - so did my my strong right arm, sidekick, confidant.  

Could not foresee being stripped of every aspect of my identity & security.  Except John.

Nor could I foresee the countless ways the Universe stepped up to make things bearable.  

*  Page Morahan - an epic woman I didn't even know - needing someone to do basic data entry of statement, someone who was reliable more than efficient after the person hired left;  the job made me part of a remarkable team of women doing incredible work for an exceptional cause & took me over Thanksgiving & Christmas - my birthday was my last day at work.  Goose bumps!  And what was I entering into the data bank?  Statements of excellence written by hundreds of applicants to a program dedicated to developing leadership in women in academic medicine.  Double goose bumps!  

*  John being so incredibly understanding - way more than I was - with my long transition.  Will always remember crying out to him, months & months & months after Mom had died, unable to find work let alone my footing, "Why is it taking so long?" and his reply, "It's taking as long as it's taking."








*  The constant presence & comfort of the women & men on Mom's Mindwalker1910 online dist list - when I fell overwhelmed or on the verge, could always turn to them.

 
*  So many people who gave us so much support in so many ways over so many difficult moments.  Financially emotionally spiritually - their love & tender caring gave us the space to move to today's firmer ground, a place where we can make a difference to others in ways neither of us imagined back on 09/16/01, as we stood by Mom's bed in her room in her house, stroking her hair, holding her hand as I sang her out.  

The path that John & I have chosen - the path which chose us - will always have its interesting twists & turns, hills & valleys.  We do not walk it alone.  Everyone who ever held us in their prayers, everyone who helped get us through financially-strapped times, everyone who let us know we were in their thoughts & hearts - all of them are with us, every step.  

Setting off on my calling, doing what I can to turn our country's woeful eldering culture, know better than anyone I didn't get here on my own.  The world's biggest cheerleading squad - led by Mom - are my boosters.  Am blessed.

John just called.  He wanted to know if he should tell his manager (at A.C. Moore) that he will be available next Wed & Thurs, or should he still take the time off for our 25th wedding anniversary, even though we can't afford to go to Porches as planned.  It's thanks to all of the above that I could have the inspiration to say, "Take the time.  The amount of money you'd be making will be minor compared to Steve's bill, but would be major for the fun of just being with each other on OUR DAY."  Could feel John smile as he said, "Thank you, Budge."

Thank you.  Thank all of you.  Now & always, forever & ever.  

Unfazed by calamity

Friends wonder why I'm not swept away in a total dither over our major plumbing problems & the financial calamity they could bring.  "How can you remain so calm?"

It will be what it will be.  The house was built in 1960.  Things are going to need attention.  We might be able to afford them or we might have to work around them.  There is no sense in getting all stressed out.  Do what we can, work with what has to be delayed to another day.  And be down-on-our-knees grateful for being able to divert money from other targeted, less practical purposes.  Wasn't always so & I wasn't always in a place where I could process, GET, the life lesson.

In my life, I was - until John's arrival - more familiar with things not working than with things that functioned the way normal people expected.  The biggest, most important things in my life were not just messed up beyond repair, they involved others who didn't see them as damaged or broken, but seemed to experience them as perfectly okay.  Damaged broken not working - until this plumbing emergency, it never fully dawned on me just how much I'd integrated an expectation of non-functioning into my current day life.  It wasn't spoken or openly acknowledged, it's power was in being the computer screen of my life - always present in the background.  

Sort of hard to miss that all of my elder care anarchist efforts would fall flat without recognizing & changing that crazy core dynamic.  Voila - the plumbing problems rear their head to teach me a lesson far more valuable than the cost of replacing a faucet, toilets & pipes.  Am sure the Universe would have preferred a less radical way of getting the point across, but I blew off all the others.  Took this to get my attention.

It makes sense that the Universe would be the first to support making radical changes to my woeful aging culture.  Elders are meant to be treated with respect & honored, designed by the Divine to be a priceless source of wisdom & experience.  Hence, THE LESSON.

Build on success - that makes good sense.  And in my relationship with John is filled with them.  It's not easy, it's taken a lot of effort & energy, individually & as a couple, but we seem to make it work.  Looking back over the past twenty-five years, can see an arc of continual growth & development.

Maybe that's what is visible to me & not to others - the evolution that brought us to where we are today, able to afford some plumbing repairs if not all.  That's major.  Twelve years ago, ten, even three & we wouldn't have had spare nickels to rub against each other.  Today, we can look at a steady arc of growth to our income streams, with every expectation that the trend will remain upward (financially) & inward (satisfaction).  How many people can say that, at 62 & almost 69?  Pretty darn awesome, if you ask me!

Yes, Universe, have not missed another major lesson to this not-so-unexpected turn of events - it's time to figure out a way to pay attention to my own physical plumbing problems.  Sorry for the ick, but it can't be mere coincidence that we've ignored plumbing problems in the house in the same way that I've felt forced to ignore personal health problems.  Thought the ACA would remedy them, but turns out we don't make enough post-tax income to qualify.  So, wasn't planning on figuring out a way to get at least the basics - at the least, blood work (very expensive if you don't have a contracted health plan setting rates) & an ob-gyn visit.  Yes, Universe - will get on it.

My life is going in so many directions.   Some are expanding & increasing our income.  Some call for generosity rather than billing.  Others enrich in ways having nothing to do with dollars & cents.  Or require an investment of precious savings & time.  All of them are essential.  And none of them will flourish & develop if I can't see that some things take me closer to my goals (do more of them) while others take me further away (get rid of them!) or just aren't making any real difference one way or the other (prune 'em).  

My friends are correct in thinking that I am unfazed by our here & now plumbing problems & all they could bring.  Will they understand an explanation as simple as, "No worries - just the Universe talking."

Universe - got it.  Eyes open, senses awake, mind aware.  Lesson being learned.  Know you tried & tried before.  This one sank in.  Changing my ways. Thanks for always having my back.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Changing the standard from "doesn't work"

At 62, stunned to realize how much "doesn't work" is still my default, my core expectation for everything, except my marriage.  And it's my relationship with John that provides the stable, firm ground from which it's safe to see the muck that continues to limit my life view.

We've been without working toilets for over six months, maybe longer.  First, the upstairs one conked out.  Then the den.  Then the second floor.  We made do, worked around, were inconvenienced but putted.  And that didn't seem alarming to either of us.  No idea what was behind John's lack of alarm, but know that mine is firmly rooted in things NOT working, even - especially - the most basic.  

It's why I now see a counselor.  Because the warp & woof imbeddedness of it is beyond the normal person's ken.  It goes deep, deeper than I can fully realize.

Yesterday, driving up Strasburg/Goshen Road, filled with so many memories of wonderful meanders over the years with my family, got to thinking about Peter, whom I indelibly associate with that neck of the woods.  Friends, even my very best, can't fathom that he really & truly doesn't experience me as a living, breathing entity.  I don't irk aggravate exasperate my oldest brother - to do any of those, I'd have to first exist to him.  And I don't.  My guess is that I never have.  What's disturbing to me isn't his UNexperience of me, because at some level it has always been thus.  What disturbs me is that it's NOT disturbing.  Just ingrained.  

Oh, my friends will counter, of course you exist to him.  No, I really don't, although that remarkable reality never hit me until he was so shocked that I'd question why he didn't offer me an apology for past wrongs/pledge to atone, as he did to Mom & Mim.  

When you grow up with the experience of your oldest brother simply not seeing you, a lot of weird expectations get woven into the fabric of your life.  

Of course, when the problems with the toilets first happened, we were really & truly NOT in a place where we could have afforded a solution, even a minor one.  Working around the problem became our normal, which never seemed abnormal - at least for me - because working around a major issue rather than addressing & resolving was commonplace in my family, in my personal experience.

Working on it.  The situation with the faucet & the toilets underscore how susceptible to this funky, unconstructive dynamic I still am.  And it looks like there is no immediate solution to our toilet problems, since they require a master plumber, which we really can't afford.  Just don't have the spare $ - taxes & my fall conferences/workshops have got to take priority, even if it means living in an absurd way, whatever that might be.

Some might look at all this as unbearable - I experience it as stuff to work through, get past, put behind us on the road to all that it's blocked up to now!

  

Thomas Jefferson & American morality

It constantly astonishes me how few people see the United States as schizophrenic.  Can hear the waves of, "Whoa!  That's outrageous!"  Alas, it is spot on.

People cite Ronald Reagan as the person most responsible for instilling the ideal of American exceptionalism.  Maybe he was the one to give it the greatest shout-out, but the very ideal seems part of our national DNA.  It was widely embraced because it was already almost universally believed.  

It can be a great challenge for "traditional Americans" to see how wildly disparate our ideals are from our reality.  In their hearts, they see America, the City on the Hill, a beacon of freedom & liberty for people around the world, the bench mark of democracy & justice for the rest of the world. 

Perhaps a majority of my friends would be shocked that I experience the USA as fundamentally schizophrenic.  Yet, that is unmistakeable reality.  If we are to move forward as a truly moral nation, where lofty ideals & pragmatic reality unite, we are going to have to face, address & resolve this centuries-long split between what we hold to be self evident & how they actually are.

A widely accepted definition of schizophrenia is "a mentality or approach characterized by inconsistent or contradictory elements."  In that, perhaps no country on this or any other planet is as plagued by moral schizophrenia than the US, from our earliest days as a Union to the present.

No country started with loftier ideals than ours.  "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  Those words have inspired people throughout the centuries.  

Such uplifting words - penned by a man who owned slaves.  Did Jefferson actually oppose slavery?  Did he really hope for the day when all slave holders would awaken to the depravity of the institution & free their slaves?  I've read as much, but the fact is that Jefferson freed precious few of his own during his life & in his will.  Instead of setting an example, at least in death, two hundred humans would be sold to help cover debts he left behind.  

Thomas Jefferson embodies the enlightened mind that sees the wrongness of a thing but cannot bring his heart to take action against it.  He believed in the evil of a thing, but was as enslaved to it as any of the men, women & children who tended his fields & ran his house.

That Jeffersonian approach - recognizing an evil yet perpetuating it - is branded into our national character.   I believe it is the underlying reason why so many Americans can hold themselves as devout Christians yet disavow the very teachings & actions of Christ.  

From our beginning, our national sense of morality has been one that separates lofty ideal from expression.  And Jefferson was far from alone in embodying that core schizophrenia.  In fact, few other politicians embody our great moral divide more than Abraham Lincoln.  

Monday, August 25, 2014

distract deflect derail

How many times do well-meaning folks pump up the idea that the difference between people who fail & those who succeed is that the later group team set clearly defined goals with determined steps to achieve them?  I, for one, beg to differ.

The people who succeed are the ones who've moved past distraction, deflection of energies & derailment of meaningful action. Some people seem born knowing how to brush them aside, knuckling down from childhood on.  Others struggle, ultimately overcoming the pull into inertia or misdirected busyness.  And others never latch onto their challenge & keep setting new, awesome goals that are somehow never realized.

Stephen Coven introduced me to the thought that people are drawn to setting great new goals & most are just as drawn to shying away from the mundane grunt work needed to make they actually happening.  What a high, coming up with a new great destiny, what a psychic rush to see it in our minds as if already real;  what a leaden thump down to earth to realize the things we have to give up to make room for our new pursuit, to handle the drudgery of staying on task all the way to completion.

A strong sense of imagination is a blessing in getting from goal to completion.  Imagine it done, then work through whatever presents itself to what is already in your head & heart as a done deal.  Realize - before you can earn that alluring crown of laurels, you have to first brush away every sign &  semblance of whatever acts to distract deflect derail.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

late night, BUT

It's way past my targeted 10:30 p.m. bed time, BUT the front room has been straightened, books transferred between it & the computer studio, it's more in the sphere of a meditation womb/yoga space. 

No sad songs for us!

Sing no sad songs for us!  John & I are cancelling our plans for our 25th anniversary stay at Porches.  (Dinner at Bell's Tavern with a dear friend is still on.)  Chalk it up to plumbing.  The kitchen faucet has gone beyond drip to torrent, so it needs more attention than I do!  

Doubt that I would have felt so at peace with it had it been our 10th or 15th celebration of The Big Day.  But at this point, am so delighted we HAVE the funds ~ after twelve years of financial famine ~  to divert from frivol to practical as to make non-existent any serious pain or woefulness.

Bottom line - the best celebration is the one we enjoy every day, delighting in the thrill of having truly found someone so compatible, yet who stretches each of us beyond our norm, past our familiar.  My celebration will be in John submitting two pieces to the Phillips Mill Art show, with all the joys of being selected the three previous times he entered).  His has been in my attending the various conferences & workshops over & into the past few months, in getting more & more actively engaged in my deep loud persistent calling.  

Sing no sad songs for us, tucking into bed at home on our anniversary - home is our favorite place to be!  Feeling blessed to be able to write that, twenty-five years after 09/03.

Friday, August 22, 2014

It all depends...

A favorite saying of my dear mama's was, "It all depends on whose ox is being gored."   It all depends on if something you hold dear is under attack or not.

Some Americans support the people in Ferguson, MO who protest the circumstances around Michael Brown's death.  Some think police deserve to expect that the public they are sworn to protect & serve will accept their actions without question.  Where you fall - in either camp or somewhere in between - depends on your ox, on which issues speak to your heart.

It feels like many of my "traditional American" friends, acquaintances & utter strangers are experiencing Michael Brown's death as a stand-alone tragedy.  The same as they experienced Trayvon Martin's death, the same as they recently experienced Eric Garner's death, or Henry Davis' arrest.  Separate, unrelated situations.

It feels like many people of color - whatever their race - experience it differently.  To many of them, Michael connects to Mr. Garner to Trayvon to Henry Davis to a long list of young black men who died at the hands of "traditional Americans," young men like James Chaney & Emmett Till.  They have seen stalkers like George Zimmerman, who disregarded police instructions to abandon his pursuit, go free, while an innocent Henry Davis had his case for denial of civil rights thrown out by a federal judge who ruled his injuries, including concussion, failed to meet standards for excessive police force. It connects to six years of having an African-American president reviled by millions of people who seem more offended by his race than by his actual politics.  It connects to the successful efforts of Republican state houses across the country that pass laws to protect against virtually non-existent voter fraud, laws that incidentally make it tougher for blacks to vote.  They see the big picture.  And it ain't pretty.   

My experience of American law enforcement & courts is light years from that of my African-American friends.  They tell of college professor fathers & white collar dads having "the talk" with their brothers - impossible to imagine Dad having to coach Peter & Michael, let alone young Ian, on how to act with the law.  But to my friends' families, it's standard practice. 

Will the effect of Michael Brown's death on the national consciousness be similar to Trayvon Martin's, where it is soon forgotten, or will it be like Emmett Till's, rousing our country out of a slumber to see - again, still - that the quality of American life is too often determined by the shade of your skin?

How far are we from 1949's debut of Rogers & Hammerstein's still-too-apt You've Got to Be Carefully Taught?  When people go to this year's movie version of Into the Woods, what will they read into the haunting Children Will Listen?  Guess it will all depend on whose ox is being gored.

Just sayin'...

  • Michael Brown's died on 08/09/14.  
  • He was killed by a white police officer named Darren Wilson.  

Those two statements seem to be the only undisputed facts about what happened almost two weeks ago in Ferguson, Missouri.

Endless reporting & commentary has appeared in & on mainstream, digital & social media.  African-Americans seem predisposed to think that Officer Wilson acted out of animus toward Brown because he was black.  Many whites seem predisposed to believe the white office felt threatened & acted appropriately when he shot the teenager six times, hitting him four times in the arm & twice in the head.  

It's been tough to express what feels like a great divide between the races on this sensitive, massively unclear incident.  But, as I lay in bed last night, a Facebook posting by a friend kept running through my mind, a posting that seems to sum up the occasionally astonishing response from a host of similar friends, acquaintances & utter strangers.  My friend posted, "Respond to this post any way you want, but, uh,..its not ok to rob a conveinience store and to aggressively intinidate & threaten the clerk with physical violence....just sayin'....."

That short post keeps playing & replaying in my mind.  It felt & feels like it could have been written by a lot of my friends, at least by "traditional Americans" like me. 

Let's say that Officer Wilson knew about the reported robbery, knew that the perpetrators were two young African-Americans answering the description of Michael Brown & his friend.  Let's say that he attempted to question them about their whereabouts at the time of the robbery, rather than ordering them to stop jaywalking in the middle of a Ferguson street.  Let's say that Michael Brown did resist the officer's request, did have an altercation with him where he attempted to reach for the officer's gun.  

I know it pushes credibility, because we know Officer Wilson did not know about the reported robbery, but let's say anyway that all of that actually happened.  Was killing really a reasonable outcome to stealing cigarillos from a convenience story?

My friend's post makes NO mention of Michael Brown disobeying the officer's order to move out of the street & onto the pavement.  NO mention of an altercation at the police vehicle.  NO mention of the victim lunging toward the officer in a threatening manner.  NO mention of any of those possible mitigating circumstances.  

All it mentions as sufficient cause of the tragic outcome is stealing cigarillos from a convenience store & threatening a clerk.  

Just sayin' that one Facebook posting by someone I like & respect is the most chilling thing I've read since Michael Brown died. 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Attaching a value to dairy

Look at my favorite comfort foods & a recurring theme is CHEESE.  Especially gobs of melted cheese, preferably with a darkened skim.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

Here's my challenge - looking around the dairy case, looking up & down the aisles of the typical supermarket, it's clear that the only way the dairy industry could possibly meet such demand is by maximizing the output of dairy cows.  There's a reason 70% of antibiotics are used with cattle & poultry - their environments are straight from the bowels of hell.  

My eating patterns & taste buds say, "More!" ~but~ my deepest values say, "Enough."

Saturday, August 16, 2014

it's not meant to be easy

How many years ago did it first occur to me that life is meant to be confusing, disjointed & messy.  That pretty much reflects the mission each of us was sent here to work through - moving, as much as we can, away from the human form we were born into toward the spiritual self we truly are.  Not easy, very uncomfortable, massively confusing.  And essential.

It's worth noting that the question of whether or not women are suited to serve in the ministry was of interest to my mother waaaay more than it was to me.  What an experience, sitting in on the to & fro, without any personal  investment.  

Mom belonged to both online discussion groups - Concept, which held that women were not suited for the priesthood, and Caritas, which held that the priesthood is incomplete without them.  Maybe Mom leaned more to the later;  her heart staunchly supported a male-only ministry, but her head couldn't forget a passage in the Writings ~ the masculine without the perception of the feminine is intellect without wisdom.  There were some interesting discussions as she composed her thoughts for me to transcribe to e-mail.

One discussion that never came up, at least that I recall, was about how including women does make it more challenging for the Council of the Clergy to stick to agenda-focused discussions.  And women think in foreign ways, compared to men.  Even John & I joke that his life would be far easier if he didn't have to be married to a woman.  We see things through radically different filters & think in almost opposite ways.  

But it's not supposed to be easy.  The Bible is pretty clear on what happened - mankind is created in the image of the Divine, male & female.  To be the image of the God requires conjunction of the two.  

The ministry of my birth religion would say that marriage provides the conjunction that makes the One of God. Doesn't make sense to me.  The Writings teach that an angel consists of a man & a woman who truly love only the other, who look to the Divine in all things, who act with love & kindness.  Married love leads to an angel, not God.

So, how does the masculine & the feminine conjoin to be the image of God?  Maybe that transcends marriage, which is between two people, and embraces the universal, reflected in how we interact with EVERYTHING.

My mother never fully understood how much the established ministry of her church disagreed with her view of the importance of the feminine view in all aspects of the organization.  To her, it was obvious - we are taught that everything in life reflects the conjugial relationship, which itself reflects our relationship with the Divine.  The reason she wasn't completely won over by the argument that women belong in the ministry is because she also believed that a female priest would be distinctly different from the existing male model, and no one was ever able to describe how it might look sound act.  No one took the time & bother to really think about & respond to her perfectly understandable question.  

Life isn't meant to be easy.  We are meant to come up with unsettling questions, look them right in the eye, do our best to come up with answers even what we keep seeming to get are more questions.  Life is not pat.  It is meant to be messy, disjointed & confusing.  We're meant to work through those difficult, unsettling states toward clarity enlightenment understanding.  

Women seem more at ease with messiness.  That's my opinion.  We're more at ease with facing it, chipping away at it, clearing & cleaning.  We realize that neat & tidy is wonderful, but not the natural state of most people.  We trust our intuition, even when it seems counter-intuitive.  (Going to have to ponder that word ~ counter-intuitive.  Isn't all intuition counter-intuitive?)  Council of the Clergy meetings would never be the same - and that is, in my opinion, exactly as God intended.  Not easy, but right. 

Friday, August 15, 2014

I + I = W

How many people read books the same way I do?  First, read through, turning down pages when moved by a passage;  then, go back for a second read with a pen or a highlighter;  finally, a third read, writing out notes or flagging whatever grabs my eye with a piece of clear tap extending past the page.

Spent time today looking through the spiral-bound book with my notes from Point Zero - creativity without limits.  Michelle Cassou's 2001 book moves me as much as when I first read it, however many years ago.  

Astonished at how my notes of what she said re: intuition relates to the still on-going discussion about women serving in the ministry of the church of m birth, a concept many church leaders RESIST with every bit of their energy.

Their resistance makes no sense to me.  Hey, well-read church leaders - - a passage in your own source material flat-out states that masculine understanding without the perception of the feminine is intellect without wisdom!

Still, reading over my Point Zero notes, it's clear why men who consider a written revelation the end all & be all would be uneasy around feminine perception of their understanding.  Revelation isn't found in how many passages you can quote accurately from the Writings, or how many times you've read through the entire canon.  Revelation is what happens when you are done your reading, set it aside, move on, let life be life without details.  Just be.  

Wisdom can't exist without intuition.  It's the gateway to perception, just as imagination (which is of the intellect, not the spirit), opens the way to intuition.  At this point, I am hopelessly befuddled - does wisdom come before insight, or the reverse?  It's been years & years since my first ponder, and am still not sure.  I do know that both are a far distance past mere intelligence.  

The challenge for the masculine mind is that the key - intuition - has nothing to do with information, with knowing.  Horror of horrors, intuition blossoms from UNknowledge, is NONverbal, falling-through-the-sky-without-a-net living.

Not a lot of the ministers I know would feel comfy with that.

Living from intuition rather than knowledges means voluntarily losing any sense of control.  Not handing it over, which presupposes it exists in the first place.  An aware version of empty.  No there there.  A perenially empty canvas.  

People get intimidated by a blank canvas.  And the ministers of my acquaintance, at least in my church, are by-the-book sort of guys. Emptying themselves of all previous everything is not a route I see them choosing.

Michelle wrote something which could make people who pride themselves on all they've learned through the ages run screaming from the room.  "Intuition has its own intelligence."  It can't be learned, only welcomed if when how it shows up.

The masculine tendency for loving knowledge has an essential part in our becoming wise.  It opens the way for the next level of work, which rests in the heart rather than the mind.   From that point, we experience intuition, perception, insight & wisdom (or the reverse).  A fascinating thing about that final last piece, the emergence of wisdom & insight ~ it's has nothing to do with the masculine mind nor the feminine heart;  it is of spirit.

Intelligence calls out to know more. Intuition calls us to be alive.  Put the two together - wisdom & insight.      

in the rear view mirror

My birth faith teaches that Divine Providence can not be foreseen or even consciously experience in the present moment - it can only be seen in hindsight, in the rear view mirror, so to speak. 

There are so many things - far more than I am aware of - over my life that helped prepare me for THIS moment, for doing what I can with what I have where I am at this point in time to help turn around my country's gosh awful culture of aging, where intergenerational communication & daily BEING with each other is rarer & rarer, where more & more olders feel obsolete, unnecessary, or - worst of all - a burden.  Gives me goose bumps, looking at my life in that rear view mirror.

One moment particularly stands out, although far from the most major.  In the spring of 2012, our television conked out.  Knowing that the presidential primary & general campaigns would clog the airwaves with commercials, John & I decided to hold off getting a new telly until AFTER the elections. 

By the time Nov 6 rolled around, we discovered that not having a t.v. has a lot of advantages we were reluctant to give up.  Almost two years later & we are a) still without a television  and  b) we don't watch shows on the computer.

We read.  Read & listen to the radio.  And talk to each other.  

While the "talk to each other" advantage goes straight to my heart, "we read" is even more important.  

Television has been a major part of my life.  It did far more than entertain; it helped me feel part of something larger.  From my earliest memories, was always longing to be part of a greater whole, whereas my most influential sibs were about the importance of setting yourself apart.  What I couldn't get with my family was waiting for me at ABC, NBC, CBS & the uhf channels.  

In surprising ways, television - and movies aired on t.v. - was a key mentor in my developing a whole, sane life.  There is a surprising amount of wisdom to be found in television writing, even more in film.  I was introduced to two of the most profound insights of my life by watching Outward Bound and a subtitled Roshomon - at age 10 or 11!

By 60, had gleaned so much from my far from "boob tube" watching.  Was ready for more.  And it turned out that saying farewell to the telly opened the way for just that.  

Looking in that rear view mirror, can see that Stewart & Colbert would have crowded out time for Lustbader & Richo.  Without those two years of solid - voracious - reading, would not be well positioned to be a "go to" resource for friends of all ages facing the opportunities (yes, way more than challenges) of aging.  Can help a young friend learn more about living with the end in mind and support a significantly older discover the advantages to "tripping the old-o-meter" upward into the eighties & beyond.  Can share my cracker recipes with the young gals at yesterday's "Ladies Night" at our local swim club and introduce grannie clients to the decadent Italian bakery that just opened in a neighboring town.

Glancing in the rear view mirror & smiling.  Now - eyes back on the road! 

Monday, August 11, 2014

"And in dis cor-nah..."

"... da champeen of Deev's mind world, in da MOST gawdy callahs Emgeenabul, is da voice sayin' ... whatevah it iz da durty rat sez to stop her dead in her tracks!"

And in the other corner - me.  

Over powered, out manuevered.  You can't hit what you can't see.  And this opponent was/is invisible, irrational & irreconcilably non-existent.  Very loud, yet very NOT.  Interesting to realize all the decades of feeling UN were because of a phantom that only felt like legion.  And that - check previous posts - vocal phantom still puts up a powerful fight every time I make a move out of the corner I've boxed myself into.

Right now, it feels like putting a well-trained  boxer up against someone still learning the rules.  But give that new boxer the right diet, the right training, the right motivation, and watch things turn around.

First round - the first round I've taken a dive on every day - is making a solid daily practice of bed by 10:30 p.m., up by 6:30 a.m.;  begin with a large glass of water, repeated throughout the day;  feed the cats, then do the first of THREE sets of breath work exercises, spaced throughout the day.  

So far, the voice has been Lucy to my Charlie Brown, always thinking doing the same thing will get a different result.  Ditch that inner picture.  Instead, imagine the voice as Bluto, myself as Popeye, a pop top can of kale at the ready. Looking forward to winning my first round, then going onto to win the fight.   

unexpected AH HA!

A literally indescribable - can't find the words - Omega workshop revealed the strength of inner blocks AND how much stronger an inner desire for true balance can bust through them.

The workshop assignment was to focus on an inner block, to think of our age when it first became noticeable.  He went around the room, asking each one the age.  Three people answered, "I got nothing."  I was one.  

But within moments, a block & age came to mind.  39.  Moments later, fresh insight adjusted the age to newborn, a few days after coming home from the hospital.

Fascinating to feel first the empty sense of nothing, and letting that be reality. Then, to connect to a blocking moment & not pushing that.  Just letting it be.  Then, to what was the deepest accessible reality.  Could not get there right off the bat.  Took allowing & honoring for it to feel safe revealing itself.   

It can feel frustrating, wanting to make a change for the better & having it seem to take so long, to experience what seems like set backs.  Remember the Omega workshop.  Let what's comfortable coming up to be enough, to fully honor & respect even nothing, if that's what comes.  No focusing ahead, just letting whatever is BE, in a safe place.  Maybe it's less about being & more about safety.  

Friday, August 8, 2014

throwing down the gauntlet

Challenged myself to be downright organized & well thought-out in writing my older2elder posts.  Figure out what a theme for the week & stick to it.  Be responsive rather than reactive.  If I see something that begs for sharing with others, in MIGHT be right to share on the spur of the moment IF it fits into the week's framework.  Otherwise, let it steep.  Will just get richer, more textured.  

Reminding myself that every aspect of everything I do must reflect the overall goal dangling in front of me.  THAT is how things get done.  At least,that is how I get things done.  Can do scattered, but it is minimally effective.  Just working isn't the same as WOW!  All my life, have been sacrificing the great for the good, the mediocre, the just getting by.

Chalk it up to lack of focus,to natural distraction.  

Thirteen years ago, I attended the annual conference of the National Polymer Clay Guild, being held nearby in Bryn Mawr.  At one of the presentations, someone asked the artist how he generated ideas.  He clutched his chest, did an exaggerated reel backwards, then came back to the mic with his anwer - "The problem is never how to generate ideas.  It usually feels like I'm bombarded with ideas.  The challenge is to pick out the rare choice ones, the ones worth investing energy in, the ones that matter."  There are countless areas clamoring for attention, countless issues about aging saging eldering - even if I was forty years younger, would still only have time to focus on a handful.  At 62, I have time for a few.  Which will they be?  

Guantlet thrown?

Thursday, August 7, 2014

scoff marks

Friends & acquaintances typically scoff when I talk about how challenged I am at doing the social thing.  Balk at my claim to be a social loner.

All they have to do is look at my Facebook postings.  How many of them are about doing something, even with John?  99.99% are informational, comments about what's up in this nutsy world of ours, links to my various blogs.  And zip photos.  

Am comfortable with who I am, just not all that at ease with others.  That's turned out to be a strength in what I am doing now.  If I had the number & depth of friends that some assume are mine, wouldn't have any time for doing all the delving & deep thinking & creative conjuring in which I'm presently immersed.

Let 'em scoff.  Everything in it's own time.  Who would have thought I'd be where I am, doing all this way cool stuff on saging & eldering?!?  Livin' the dream ~ except my dreams were never this WOW!

constants

Certain constants in my life are not going to change.  My ideal day - no matter what my brain says in the moment - is still getting up by 6:00 a.m. (not after), starting off with a large glass of clear water, doing three sets of breath work a day.  Has been true for years, will be true to the end of time.

Who is the greater dork - Tom Corbett for refusing to expand Medicaid coverage in PA or me for not taking care of the basics?

Keep recommitting, keep working on creating a ME who honors my mind, my body, my everything.   

sigh... still the poster child for universal health care

Did NOT qualify for the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare).  Our earned income was high enough, but our taxable portion is too low.  And our Republican governor, like his fellow GOP governors across the country, refused to expand the state's Medicaid coverage for folks such as moi.  

Have to tell my g.p. that I wasn't able to get the blood work or the ob-gyn appt he's been at me to get.  Not covered AND the providers can charge whatever they want since I'm not under any contracted plan.  

Still the poster child for universal health care.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

beautiful back bone

Matters squat what you want to do, what your loftiest goals may be - without an emotional back bone, they'll go pffffttttt.

That was brought home to me as I slugged my way through the introduction to Regina Leeds book, One Year to an Organized Life.  Would that we all permanently internalized & lived her statement, "I want being organized to be a tool in your support arsenal, which might include your spiritual studies, exercise regime, diet, circle of friends & family, even time with a qualified therapist. The world is waiting for the unique contributions you were born to make.  Are you ready to create the environment that will support & sustain your best efforts?  I wrote this book for you."

Her book was written for someone with a full set of vertebrae.  For so long, I had a wish bone where my back bone ought to be.  There is something more there now, something finally past the soft bone matter state. Maybe I'm up to a toddler's back bone.  Time will tell when I am blessed with a mature spine.  

Time & evidence of things done, not just talked about & planned.

interesting scenario - broken government

Confession - when I'm clearing & cleaning my present-day Aegean Stable of a house, you'll usually find me with a portable dvd player close by, playing a West Wing episode.  This morning, it was one of the best - The Supremes, about the challenges faced by any administration getting Supreme Court justice nominations out of committee, let alone confirmed.  Even if the president's party controls the Senate, the opposition has ways to block any action for months, years.  It's noteworthy that when Harry Reid restored majority vote, Supreme Court appointments were made an exception.  

It got me to thinking about how very broken our government is at this moment in time & no one seems to making a move to right the flagrant wrongs.  Conservatives blame liberals, liberals fault conservatives & without enough centrists - yes, particularly on the Republican side of the aisle - we remain at a dangerous standstill.

When George W. Bush was elected by grace of the Supreme Court, Republicans considered he'd received a mandate from the people.  Anyone who opposed him was painted as trying to obstruct the will of the people.  When Barack Obama was elected - twice - with clear majorities, Republicans painted him as illegitimate, completely ignored the fact that in both elections over 50% of the American public cast their votes for him & not his GOP opponent.  

There is a key difference in dynamics that make the current political landscape ungovernable.  Polls indicate that a majority of Democrats favor elected official who negotiate & work out compromises.  Those same polls find that a majority of Republicans expect elected officials to stand by conservative principles, whatever the cost.  

A significant number of conservatives were heart & soul behind Ted Cruz shutting down the government in order to achieve the unachievable because it felt right.  An even larger number don't care that the majority of Americans voted for a liberal (true liberals would call centrist) Democrat for president - they would point out that the House is controlled by the GOP & that it is their duty to America to thwart the president to the full extent that they are able.

A majority of Democrats support a president who caves & a majority of Republicans support a House - and as many Senators as possible, certainly all conservatives - who stand by their principles, who consider negotiation anathema & compromise unthinkable.  As one Republican congressman said, without any intended humor, compromise is when a Democrat accepts a GOP position.

Interesting scenario. 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

not such wise fools

Here's my experience of the steps toward the highest form of wisdom - data information knowledge intelligence understanding perception wisdom intuition.  Data may be first, but it's also least.  

In my experience growing up in parochial schools, from kindergarten through college, the emphasis was on learning as much data as possible.  There was no space on any curriculum for meditation, not even as an elective.  

I think of what a difference developing meditation practices can make in every aspect of a person's life, including the home.  I don't understand how any religion can teach the edict of the God of the Old Testament to "Be still & know..." and NOT recognize the importance of meditation, of finding stillness in the midst of whatever is around us, in developing a genuinely spiritual life.

Seems the religion I was born into & embraced throughout my life is another aspect of inverted life practices.  The very things that were taught throughout the Old & New Testaments & in the Writings are the same that are shuffed aside in the teaching of them.  Even to this day, my church spotlights learning & relearning points of doctrine & ignores the essential value of finding stillness in the midst of life's clutter.  And so many American Christians seem to have totally forgotten that Jesus fed the multitudes without payment & gave life-saving free health care.  They could do with a little stillness in their lives, a little reflection on what was revealed v. what they teach.

Data information knowledge intelligence understanding perception wisdom intuition.  Our tech age takes unimaginable strides expanding the first three.  Many people ace the next two.  But the final three, especially the last? 
 
 
(cross-posted from secretsofthehome.blogspot.com)

Monday, August 4, 2014

carve out

Saying it AGAIN - the way for me to get done the things that shout to be done is to carve out blocks of dedicated time to work on them.  

Remember what one of the Omega workshop presenters suggested - imagine how I will feel the day AFTER getting parts of the house truly clean & lovely.  Imagine my feelings the day AFTER getting the first floor completed.  Imagine after the first AND second floors are beautiful & orderly & clean.  Imagine my feelings the day after I show off the welcoming basement to John, the day after the garage is cleared out & fun walkways for the cats have been set up.  Imagine my feelings the day after the master bedroom & bath are finally put to rights, the master closet is in apple pie order, the attic is reordered.  

It starts with fully imagining how it will feel the day after I successfully carve out a block of time & spend it efficiently getting a designated part of the house looking the way it deserves - orderly, attractive, welcoming.  Then, repeat.

one singular sensation

The #1 thing that came from experiencing Omega is the certainty we are born to have the incredible be part of every day.  What we take to be extraordinary, even downright magical, is simply how life is meant to work.

So many people treat the fantastic in our lives as utterly outside the norm.  So many keep eyes wide shut against seeing the spectacle of sensational things people moments happening in every 24 hours.

Yesterday, I had a singular experience at the last Omega workshop.  Literally indescribable.  Interesting that at the start of the exercise, I was one of three people who felt totally unengaged.  Within a few moments, I came up with a starting place.  Within moments of that, was at the meant-to-be place.

Wondering...  If I'd been unsettled when a moment didn't come to me right off the bat, if I'd dredged up something artificial rather than admitting nothing came to me, if I hadn't been at peace being where I was, no matter how different that was from most, maybe the process would have turned out equally as phony.  

The think I remember most from the had-to-be-there experience was my immediate response at the close - I was rocked with laughter.  Wonderful, delightful rollicking laughter.  So NOT expected, yet so right.  

Is my life filled with magic?  Someone looking at it might conclude it is.  To me, magic is the sensation we get when things go the way they were designed.  Fairy godmothers are famous for making things work out, for coming up with exceptional outcomes.  When we each become the fairy godmother of our own life, its filled with singular sensations of wonder & amazement & awe.

power of a single word

For well over two decades, I've been awed by the power of words.  In particular, the power of a single word.  Over the past twenty-some years - aka after getting married - I've developed a particular habit that continues to stand me in truly incredible good stead.   I single out an admirable quality to cultivate.  

The first was effectiveness, a quality that felt sorely lacking in my life.  It took being stunned with my company's Employee of the Year award (complete with $1000 check & a bauble from Tiffany) to figure out that it had fully taken root & blossomed.  Still amazes.  Me?  Out of 1600 very talented employees, many downright brilliant?  I wasn't exceptional, just did what needed to be done.  Who knew it would be experienced by the folks I worked with & for as exceptional. Yup, focusing on everyday effectiveness paid off in ways I never imagined.

Next up was alignment.  No one knew more than I that my life was out of alignment.  That was how my family rolled - alignment was a foreign idea, especially after Dad died.  Not exaggerating to say the family norm was for up to pass for down, in for out, black for white.   Having John in my life helped me discover the inversion & comprehend how it worked against me.  Having nailed effectiveness, my attention turned to alignment.  Can't say I've reached the same success, but am considerably improved.  At least I can say it has taken root & that I work every day to develop it more fully.  

The most recent spotlighted word is equanimity.  It far from full blossom, but am amazed at how deeply rooted it's become over the years, how often I experience the emotional & spiritual benefits of its shelter.

Those are the three qualities I've focused on over the past 20+ years - effectiveness, alignment, equanimity.  Writing this, it strikes me that equanimity built off of alignment, which built off of effectiveness.   Just as a person can't experience interdependence without first achieving genuine independence, perhaps equanimity wasn't possible without working on the first two.  

Sigh...  No one knows better than I the difficulties that arise from lack of accessible balance & perspective.  If only I'd had even a smidgen of equanimity when Mom was still alive.  

For older friends, equanimity is a priceless part of their tool kit for dealing with the challenges associated with aging.  Ditto for anyone touching their lives.  What a great sadness it took me until after Mom passed to develop it.  

From the vantage point of 62, it's clear that one of the greatest gifts I could have given my younger self was a sense of equanimity.  It's astonishing how much easier life has gotten since it's taken deeper & deeper root.  There's no better goad for further nurturing it than when I get unhinged by a situation, which I now experience as a dark, oppressive force crushing ME.

The power of a single word.  Think about it.  Imagine if every year, all of us focused on one quality we wanted to cultivate in our lives.  Imagine if everyone with children or older relatives, bosses or associates decided to nurture equanimity.  

It took being at Omega to realize that yoga is far from the only practice to single out equanimity as THE essential quality to develop in our lives.  Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity,  Baha'i, even Stoicism - all extoll equanimity as the essential quality for understanding what is real, for "seeing" what is divine.  None of them say it is easy, just essential.

There is great power in a single word, but perhaps no word is more powerful, provides greater gifts to our self & others, than equanimity.  Back when I first pondered the possibility that focusing on a particular quality might help open a way for it to take root in my life, had NO idea it would lead to a better way to be a marriage partner, a more effective grannie listener, a more receptive & helpful friend.  

Don't need to single out the quality blessed - I am & I know it!


(cross-post from thegrannielistener.blogspot.com)

Friday, August 1, 2014

paws on floor

As I took two loose-fitting, just-right-for-Omega tops into the front room to pack, I heard the sound of paws running toward the room.  Looking down, it was the soft, long red stripes of Rennie, not the short ones of Gryff.  Was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization of how many days it's been since Gryff begged "more please," running up to the room, dashing across & up to HIS special place.  How wonderful it will be to have him back to his sweetly demanding self.

This morning, he wasn't behind the couch.  Our hearts stood still until we found him, curled up under the end table.  I held my breath as I put an outstretched hand on his fur - he didn't stir, but there was a faint warmth as I lightly stroked his body, paying special attention to his head.  This is a lad who LOVES to be held & stroked & loved.  

As I picked him up, he became slightly more attentive.  John stood by me & showered loving attentions on our boy of boys.  Gryff seemed to be finally coming around, shifting in my arms.  When I put him down, he headed toward the kitchen.  Have never been so happy to hear paws on linoleum floor! 

Praise be, Gryff ate some breakfast & took some water.  John & I will give him his a.m. meds just before I head out.  

It will be harder than John can imagine to relinquish MY role of holding that beloved cat - so small compared to the "Big Red" who first & forever stole our hearts - and giving Gryff his tiny pill.  Am always aware of the blessing of our daily communion - a tender rapport.  Alas, reason wins out - the Keetmeister has to do it tonight through Sunday morning, so needs the practice. 

Whatever happens over the next days, Gryff only knows love & deep appreciation with us.  He might need to beg "more food, please," but that short-haired red tabby is always full up with love.

UPDATE 08/04/14 - John went to the vet for special cat food.  Gryff did an almost immediate turn around.  When I arrived home last night, HE was one of the cats greeting me at the door!  Amazed tonight to see him dash into the front room for his supper, then to chomp down the vittles!