Ok, not really. But today I was reminded of how I railed about being like Cassandra, who could see the future but was cursed because no one believed her.
Me & Mom, to a T.
Many's the time she'd say, ruefully, "You were right," but never ever ever did she pay the least attention when I tried to warn her about something before it happened. She just plunged ahead, explaining, "YES, you're usually right, but not THIS time."
This time was every time.
Have been victim to my own Cassandra curse - and that has gotta stop, right here & now (or however long it takes). I see the right healthy wise thing to do, but either don't do it or do the opposite.
Time to shake that ancient curse off my back, time to put Cassie to work seeing the right healthy wise thing to do, then - following the new Murphy's Law - making it happen.
Near the end of her book, Writing from the Heart, the fabulous Nancy Aronie Slonim points out near the end of her book that we can be our own mentor.
That gave me pause, thinking of the years & years that I'd bitch & moan about being the go-to person for Mom, for Peter, for Mim, even in some ways for Mike & Kerry, too ~ ~ but WHO was there for ME? My disgusted response to my own question would be, "I guess I have to be there for me, too."
Like, duh - yeah, that IS the answer, even if I didn't want it to be. The truth is that, for whatever reasons, none of them could be my mentor. And, duh - the best person to tackle that position is me myself & I.
Turns out that there are several advantages to being my own mentor. For one thing, who knows my negative behavior triggers than yours truly? And I can focus on what needs to be done & see a path forward. Easy for me to do if it benefits someone else, anyone else, but TOUGH if when & how the major beneficiary is me.
What was it Einstein said about insanity? Another definition for insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting a different response. Time to get sane. It's possible now. It wasn't a short time ago.
The Universe has playfully thrown down the gauntlet - do I rise to the challenge & model the best self I always wanted to ride to my aid or do I stay mired in the swamps of what might have been, missed opportunities, and old-fashioned lethary?
Just call me Cassie, the gal who knows what needs to be done, who honors that knowledge & shakes out the old hobgoblins & gremlins who drag at her hands & spirit.
Get past it turning out the way I always saw & dreaded. Look at it as an adventure. The Universe is my Captain Piccard & I am the Number One ordered to switch things up. Now, make it so.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
the NEW murphy's law
As in MAKING things go right.
Of course, the first step toward doing that is to stop doing them the unproductive, wrong way. The ultimate no-brainer.
Two steps, just two. Commit energies & actions, not just yada yada yada words, to a worthy goal. That means knowing what needs to be done, figuring out how to do it & the necessary resources, knowing what I need to STOP doing or do less of to clear the time for the new actions (emptying out the vessel before refilling). That's step #1.
#2 is simple - do it. Follow through. All the way to completion. Loud cheers & celebration, then onto the next.
If only simple was also easy. It's not. Which is why it helps to know that Step #1 has an all-important, unmentioned sub-step ~ when I get off course, as happens to most people, just go back to the original goal, honor my original commitment & then recommit. However many times it takes to complete the goal.
Of course, the first step toward doing that is to stop doing them the unproductive, wrong way. The ultimate no-brainer.
Two steps, just two. Commit energies & actions, not just yada yada yada words, to a worthy goal. That means knowing what needs to be done, figuring out how to do it & the necessary resources, knowing what I need to STOP doing or do less of to clear the time for the new actions (emptying out the vessel before refilling). That's step #1.
#2 is simple - do it. Follow through. All the way to completion. Loud cheers & celebration, then onto the next.
If only simple was also easy. It's not. Which is why it helps to know that Step #1 has an all-important, unmentioned sub-step ~ when I get off course, as happens to most people, just go back to the original goal, honor my original commitment & then recommit. However many times it takes to complete the goal.
unexpected potterer
this is a reposting of something i wrote earlier today on another blog
Of all the things I've
intentionally crafted over all my life, none has been as challenging
& fulfilling as making myself a vessel. Over the years, the
materials of my vessel has changed & life events carved their image
on my surface. Year after year, I've kept throwing it back on the
wheel, feeling the carved images blend back into the supple clay, then
refashion the piece into something increasingly open & even
beautiful.
Will it ever go into the kiln? I don't know. My birth religion says it will, but I am not at all sure. Maybe all that will happen is I'll get a different beginning slab of clay & start the process all over again, albeit from a different perspective.
It's fun, looking back over the years at my efforts. Wedging the clay to evenly distribute the moisture, aligning particles for greater suppleness. The YEARS of setting the clay down on perfect center. Coning the clay upward, then back down, increasing even more the particles are in the right place for working it into a new vessel, taking the care to ensure the clay always stays on perfect center, or see it go whipping off into a mangled mess. It takes a committed heart, two steady hands & at least one guiding finger to open up the clay. And a lot of water, or the piece will self-destruct.
A real vessel has to be kiln dried. My vessel isn't but receives all the same. The more open it is to receiving, the more can flow in.
It's beyond my understanding to explain - even to myself - how I knew from my earliest days that my most important project was to craft a vessel capable of receiving what flowed in. And knowing that it would require a lot of emptying out of what was already received in order to be available for the next influx.
I can't take any bows for my relationship with John. Maybe a little one for not rejecting that something remarkable was entering my life, for realizing that what was flowing in was the very essence of everything I'd honored respected valued. But I can & happily do take happy credit for keeping working away at the vessel that received his love.
We are all creative, all created in the image of the Divine, the greatest creative force of all. We are all called to craft ourself into a vessel that can receive incredible things, things impossibly outside our time- & space-bound imaginations.
The best things in my life flowed in through infinitely larger forces utterly outside my will or doing, finding welcome in my prepared & waiting space. Every day, I am grateful for all that my vessels have received over all my years, even when they were very small with mega shallow indentations, not the HUGE bowl of my most recent incarnation.
A description of throwing clay could just as readily be read as a description for fashioning ourselves as vessels - "Be prepared for a fine adventure, for clay is as deep and as broad as the earth it comes from."
Will it ever go into the kiln? I don't know. My birth religion says it will, but I am not at all sure. Maybe all that will happen is I'll get a different beginning slab of clay & start the process all over again, albeit from a different perspective.
It's fun, looking back over the years at my efforts. Wedging the clay to evenly distribute the moisture, aligning particles for greater suppleness. The YEARS of setting the clay down on perfect center. Coning the clay upward, then back down, increasing even more the particles are in the right place for working it into a new vessel, taking the care to ensure the clay always stays on perfect center, or see it go whipping off into a mangled mess. It takes a committed heart, two steady hands & at least one guiding finger to open up the clay. And a lot of water, or the piece will self-destruct.
A real vessel has to be kiln dried. My vessel isn't but receives all the same. The more open it is to receiving, the more can flow in.
It's beyond my understanding to explain - even to myself - how I knew from my earliest days that my most important project was to craft a vessel capable of receiving what flowed in. And knowing that it would require a lot of emptying out of what was already received in order to be available for the next influx.
I can't take any bows for my relationship with John. Maybe a little one for not rejecting that something remarkable was entering my life, for realizing that what was flowing in was the very essence of everything I'd honored respected valued. But I can & happily do take happy credit for keeping working away at the vessel that received his love.
We are all creative, all created in the image of the Divine, the greatest creative force of all. We are all called to craft ourself into a vessel that can receive incredible things, things impossibly outside our time- & space-bound imaginations.
The best things in my life flowed in through infinitely larger forces utterly outside my will or doing, finding welcome in my prepared & waiting space. Every day, I am grateful for all that my vessels have received over all my years, even when they were very small with mega shallow indentations, not the HUGE bowl of my most recent incarnation.
A description of throwing clay could just as readily be read as a description for fashioning ourselves as vessels - "Be prepared for a fine adventure, for clay is as deep and as broad as the earth it comes from."
Saturday, June 28, 2014
GOOOOOOOOOAL!
There - I've said my personal, "word that shall be unspoken. GOAL.
In order of importance -
Clear out e-mails
Make kitchen a delightful place to bake
Clear out den - coolest temp in house
Live in the real now
Will tag with date I complete.
In order of importance -
Clear out e-mails
Make kitchen a delightful place to bake
Clear out den - coolest temp in house
Live in the real now
Will tag with date I complete.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
More on books as counselors
Like every other human on the face of the planet, I have a heap of issues (aka life lessons). Add to that little solid ground under my feet, practically no idea which way is up & which is down, and you have someone who's spent an astonishing amount of time looking to shore up my footing & find a better sense of direction.
Most people I know seem to have friends with whom to thrash out things. My niece, Whitney, once told me that we should keep peace with our families, working safely through gnarly family issues with our friends. Well, what do you do when you don't have that sort of close, unburden yourself-and-get-solid-advice buddies -and- lack the funds for counseling -and- most folks you confide in just don't get your problems?
Books. I turned to books. All those voices, all that experience, all those astonishing insights & AH HA! moments.
Am reminded of that as I go through - for the third time - Nancy Slonim Aronie's, Writing from the Heart. Have already talked about Nancy's book, many postings ago. I bought it because it was about memoir writing ~ much of my grannie client work is a form of 3-dimensional memoir. It turned out to be so much more. And now there is the very real possibility that I will be taking her weekend workshop at the Rowe Conference Center.
My copy of her book is now totally unreadable by anyone else. Corners thumbed down or creased in half to denote "contains WOW passage(s);" it's been yellow highlighted, underlined with blue pencil & later with red; margins are filled with comments. My copy's worth has gone from $16.97 at Barnes & Noble to priceless. And another reminder that my life isn't just touched with magic - it's filled!
Most people I know seem to have friends with whom to thrash out things. My niece, Whitney, once told me that we should keep peace with our families, working safely through gnarly family issues with our friends. Well, what do you do when you don't have that sort of close, unburden yourself-and-get-solid-advice buddies -and- lack the funds for counseling -and- most folks you confide in just don't get your problems?
Books. I turned to books. All those voices, all that experience, all those astonishing insights & AH HA! moments.
Am reminded of that as I go through - for the third time - Nancy Slonim Aronie's, Writing from the Heart. Have already talked about Nancy's book, many postings ago. I bought it because it was about memoir writing ~ much of my grannie client work is a form of 3-dimensional memoir. It turned out to be so much more. And now there is the very real possibility that I will be taking her weekend workshop at the Rowe Conference Center.
My copy of her book is now totally unreadable by anyone else. Corners thumbed down or creased in half to denote "contains WOW passage(s);" it's been yellow highlighted, underlined with blue pencil & later with red; margins are filled with comments. My copy's worth has gone from $16.97 at Barnes & Noble to priceless. And another reminder that my life isn't just touched with magic - it's filled!
Mom's pike
Friends occasionally ask about the metal pike hanging on a wall in the den - "Is there a story behind this?"
There certainly is.
That thin, sturdy shaft of metal with a leather handle hanging from the top & a SHARP tip on the bottom was Mom's walking pike. For many years, from her late 60s into her mid-70s, Mom made dinner every week night for "Aunt" Benita Acton Odhner. Five days a week, at around 4:30 p.m., winter-spring-summer-fall, fair weather or foul, she'd head out from our home on Woodland Road, head down to Fettersmill, cut through Ken Synnestvedt's woods to Alden Road, then up to the steep Black Path which took her to South Avenue, then cut over to "Aunt" Benita's house on Alnwick. In the sweet days of May, the swelter of July, the glorious colors of October, the icy grip of January, Mom made the trek. On foot.
I didn't get home from work until after 5:30, so hoofing it was her only option. Some people - maybe most - would have been daunted by the prospect, especially a woman well into her "golden" years, but not my mother. She was needed was all that mattered.
"Aunt" Benita cherished Mom for more than her delicious cooking. Mom was a wonderful conversationalist & she loved our local & church history, so she was much-appreciated company for the older woman, restricted to her bed due to severe osteoporosis. The range of topics on which Mom was conversant was downright legendary & her ability to discuss matters of town & religion were broad & deep. I always felt sorry for "Aunt" Benita when she had to make due with my cooking & company - as she herself put it, "Elsa is no Kay."
But back to the pike. On icy days, Mom took it with her to safely navigate the patches of ice that spread between our snug home one Woodland to Odhner's on Alnwick. Two cozy homes, with a long stretch of danger in between. And there was Mom, sturdy boots on her feet, warm coat & mittens on her hand, and her trusty pike in her grip.
Mom's pike is my reminder of what can be done when we set our mind & heart to it. When I get discouraged by stuff or tempted to think "too much bother," one look at that trusty pike reminds me of the example set by a unique role model.
I've handed down a lot of Mom's most precious treasures - broaches, lockets, necklaces - to younger loved ones, but that pike will stay with me to the end of my days. It's very much on my mind as I lace up my own sturdy boots & start my own climb toward helping olders who need my unique whatevers.
"Aunt" Benita was right - "Elsa is no Kay." But with Mom's example before me & her pike ever in view, I'm on my own journey to be as much ME as possible.
There certainly is.
That thin, sturdy shaft of metal with a leather handle hanging from the top & a SHARP tip on the bottom was Mom's walking pike. For many years, from her late 60s into her mid-70s, Mom made dinner every week night for "Aunt" Benita Acton Odhner. Five days a week, at around 4:30 p.m., winter-spring-summer-fall, fair weather or foul, she'd head out from our home on Woodland Road, head down to Fettersmill, cut through Ken Synnestvedt's woods to Alden Road, then up to the steep Black Path which took her to South Avenue, then cut over to "Aunt" Benita's house on Alnwick. In the sweet days of May, the swelter of July, the glorious colors of October, the icy grip of January, Mom made the trek. On foot.
I didn't get home from work until after 5:30, so hoofing it was her only option. Some people - maybe most - would have been daunted by the prospect, especially a woman well into her "golden" years, but not my mother. She was needed was all that mattered.
"Aunt" Benita cherished Mom for more than her delicious cooking. Mom was a wonderful conversationalist & she loved our local & church history, so she was much-appreciated company for the older woman, restricted to her bed due to severe osteoporosis. The range of topics on which Mom was conversant was downright legendary & her ability to discuss matters of town & religion were broad & deep. I always felt sorry for "Aunt" Benita when she had to make due with my cooking & company - as she herself put it, "Elsa is no Kay."
But back to the pike. On icy days, Mom took it with her to safely navigate the patches of ice that spread between our snug home one Woodland to Odhner's on Alnwick. Two cozy homes, with a long stretch of danger in between. And there was Mom, sturdy boots on her feet, warm coat & mittens on her hand, and her trusty pike in her grip.
Mom's pike is my reminder of what can be done when we set our mind & heart to it. When I get discouraged by stuff or tempted to think "too much bother," one look at that trusty pike reminds me of the example set by a unique role model.
I've handed down a lot of Mom's most precious treasures - broaches, lockets, necklaces - to younger loved ones, but that pike will stay with me to the end of my days. It's very much on my mind as I lace up my own sturdy boots & start my own climb toward helping olders who need my unique whatevers.
"Aunt" Benita was right - "Elsa is no Kay." But with Mom's example before me & her pike ever in view, I'm on my own journey to be as much ME as possible.
Monday, June 23, 2014
check off
What are the truly essential things that need to be done in this present moment? Prioritize them. DO them.
Focusing on what I should not be doing is a waste of energy. Instead, realize when I am doing things that get in the way of addressing & completing the essentials. Don't do them. Turn to doing things that help check what needs attention & action.
Understand that as soothing as it may feel to be distracted from main tasks, completing them will feel so fabulous, the extra bit of effort to stay on-target will be spectacularly rewarded.
Reread earlier posts. Remember how much sense they made when I wrote them. The only reason for writing them was so they could inform & change my life - let them.
Focusing on what I should not be doing is a waste of energy. Instead, realize when I am doing things that get in the way of addressing & completing the essentials. Don't do them. Turn to doing things that help check what needs attention & action.
Understand that as soothing as it may feel to be distracted from main tasks, completing them will feel so fabulous, the extra bit of effort to stay on-target will be spectacularly rewarded.
Reread earlier posts. Remember how much sense they made when I wrote them. The only reason for writing them was so they could inform & change my life - let them.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
stating the obvious
With four different
blogs going on at the same time, it's clear that I am engaged in
writing. A lot of writing, on what appears to be a variety of topics.
With one unifying thread - connection. Each - hopefully - reflecting my
innate instinctive intrinsic love of connection, of relationship, of
diversity, of respect in the face of differences & honoring in the
face of disagreement.
Instead of being scattered in four different directions, let's draw from them for a single whole. Model the inner unity & effectiveness I admire & crave.
Instead of being scattered in four different directions, let's draw from them for a single whole. Model the inner unity & effectiveness I admire & crave.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
no such thing as "vegan-ish"
When it comes to following a vegan lifestyle, you is or you ain't. No messin' with Mr. In Between.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Alison Aubrey Cole - Chief Aunt
| CHIEF of our aunts—not only I, | |
| But all your dozen of nurslings cry— | |
| What did the other children do? | |
| And what were childhood, wanting you? |
This illustration is SO Alison,
my beaux ideal of
auntliness!!!
my beaux ideal of
auntliness!!!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
On my honor
Boys Scout Pledge (tweaked):
On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
For all of my days, the 3rd line of the Boys Scout pledge lodged in my heart & fired my spirit. Not because of wanting others to like me, or be grateful to me, or indebted to me. First off, when it came to my main beneficiaries - my family - there was never any doubt in my mind that nothing I could do would ever make them like me. Second, the fact is that I was grateful for being able to do something for anyone, because - for me - it created the appearance of a bond (never presumed it to be more than an appearance). Third, imagining that anyone would ever feel indebted to me for anything I did to help out was simply not within my range of experiences - doing things for others was the only thing that gave me any value worth importance within my family.
Here's the interesting thing - through highs & lows, my sense of personal worth was, much to my present-day astonishment, never endangered. And I have no idea why that was so. I went through times of low self-worth, times when I did stupid stuff that didn't serve any apparent purpose OTHER THAN educating informing releasing me. The thing is, even if it was so low as to be practically non-existent, I did have a sense of self-worth.
A great truth realized this past January was that I put myself out there for others because in that I honor celebrate extol the beauty of life. So what if people did or didn't if others noticed or were grateful or even cared. It was never about their response. It's about doing what's right, doing what can be done to help meet a need, even if it's not a want.
Right now, it's important to attend that last line - To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight. A core weaknesses has been & continues to be forgetting to include ME among the people I'm helping meet needs rather than wants.
Physically strong, mentally awake & morally straight ~ hard to beat that for a rest-of-my-life creed.
On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
For all of my days, the 3rd line of the Boys Scout pledge lodged in my heart & fired my spirit. Not because of wanting others to like me, or be grateful to me, or indebted to me. First off, when it came to my main beneficiaries - my family - there was never any doubt in my mind that nothing I could do would ever make them like me. Second, the fact is that I was grateful for being able to do something for anyone, because - for me - it created the appearance of a bond (never presumed it to be more than an appearance). Third, imagining that anyone would ever feel indebted to me for anything I did to help out was simply not within my range of experiences - doing things for others was the only thing that gave me any value worth importance within my family.
Here's the interesting thing - through highs & lows, my sense of personal worth was, much to my present-day astonishment, never endangered. And I have no idea why that was so. I went through times of low self-worth, times when I did stupid stuff that didn't serve any apparent purpose OTHER THAN educating informing releasing me. The thing is, even if it was so low as to be practically non-existent, I did have a sense of self-worth.
A great truth realized this past January was that I put myself out there for others because in that I honor celebrate extol the beauty of life. So what if people did or didn't if others noticed or were grateful or even cared. It was never about their response. It's about doing what's right, doing what can be done to help meet a need, even if it's not a want.
Right now, it's important to attend that last line - To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight. A core weaknesses has been & continues to be forgetting to include ME among the people I'm helping meet needs rather than wants.
Physically strong, mentally awake & morally straight ~ hard to beat that for a rest-of-my-life creed.
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