Peter's recent health crisis, combined with attending two circles at Pillars of Light & Love over the past five days, have left me feeling singularly tenderized.
One thing I realized from the two circles - and the weekend at Rowe - is how blessed I've been by my family. Lots of people have strife & challenges with their siblings & parents; I got to learn such remarkable lessons from mine.
What irony that our last name was Lockhart! At times, Peter & Mim seemed to set their hearts under lock & key, opening up to few, if any; sadly, for a shocking number of years I did, too, expecting even ones I most trusted to let me down, to reveal for all to see how unlovable I was.
Not a happy way to be! In time, I'd come to accept that while my heart might be pierced by those I cared for most, that's what made it vulnerable, freed it to let things out & let things in.
Thinking about how ghastly Peter sounded on the phone tonight, am struck with how far we've come from being the sister he openly despised, with him the brother I considered aloof arrogant self-absorbed. We got there, in large part, because of how much we both let go, how much we both let in.
One of the things I shared in over the past couple weeks, at Rowe & Pillars..., was the importance of forgetting about time. Peter & I took our first steps toward our present relationship when he was 76 & I was almost 63! Imagine if either has taken a "too late" attitude. What we'd be missing!
It is a forever joy that Mim & I ultimately partnered to create a relationship that could reflect what we appeared to have as children & young adults, this time in a way that was healthier & safer for each of us. What a blessing that John & I reconnected - thanks to Chinese take-out - with Peter just over a year ago.
Imagine if the estrangement had continued to this day. Instead of being a time of celebrating Mim, her death would have left me ripped & raw. Her passing drew Peter closer, if only for the practical reason of driving with us over to Toms River to visit her in the hospital. What a blessing that Peter & I were on fairly easy speaking terms when she slipped from us. Peter was there for me & I was there for him. That meant the world to me.
Because of the unattached way my sibs related to me, I nurtured a sense of sisterly love to everyone. Everyone. My family's unconventional approach to relationships developed in me a devotion to the concept of connection through spirit rather than simply through shared genes. And spirit knows no boundaries. The icing on my cake is enjoying my sister's affectionate friendship for the last five years of her life, that tonight Peter called me to let me know he was in the hospital - progress of a funky sort (a couple of years back, he almost died - no one thought to contact me).
Today, what a lucky lass I am - sister to all who are, forever sister to Peter & Mike, Mim & Ian, my heart & spirit pierced to let the Light shine through!
Credits:
1) clan-lockhart.org
2) piercedheart.biz
3) thepositivitysolution.com
4) dailymail.co.uk
5) Wendy Jung
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