dream reweaving

Throughout my life, I've had dreams that seem to fill in the blanks on my family, provide possible answers to the great unknowns that once ate away at me.  Had such a one this morning, just before awaking.

It was about Dad & my sister, Mim & - sort of - me.  I didn't actually come into the dream, not at all. Which is how I was included.  Because I didn't actually come into Dad's life, either.  Not in the way that Mim did, not as a daughter to protect.  Not sure how he saw or experienced me, but it had nothing in common with his feelings & sense of responsibility for my older sister.  And the dream gave that a unexpected sense of...  balance is the only word that seems to fit.  

How my parents felt about me will always be a mystery, how they interacted - or didn't - forever weird.  But the dream gave me a tender sense of the relationship that did seem to exist between Dad & Mim.  Instead of making me sad & forlorn, it made me smile & feel, "Yes - that's what always seemed to be."

 

I am usually lousy at remembering dreams.  The early part of this morning's is more snatches than a cohesive recalling.  What is a vivid image in my mind, something unusually precise & truly precious, is of a book belonging to Dad that - in the dream - had just turned up in Mom's library.  
 
Between its pages were notes & cards from Mim, at different ages, and some pieces of paper that revealed Papa's feelings for her. They were loving, so father-daughter, so heartfelt & authentic & sweet.  Without any agenda, just a devoted daughter & her equally smitten papa.  

My take-away was his heart & energies were completely engaged in keeping Mim feeling safe & loved;  it wasn't personal, there wasn't any room for another girlish heart. No judgment, just acceptance & acknowledgement of what had unfolded around me.  

 

Mim was complex by nature.  I've long felt that something happened to her when she was young, before she was eight.  Something spirit-ripping.  I've no idea what, but I suspect that it made Dad forever super protective of her, while Mom - who simply could not process complex - would have rejected it even happened.  And along I come, Little Miss "Let's Get Everything Out in the Open" - from the perspective of keeping hidden things safely tucked away, a potentially disastrous addition to the clan.  

That part, I understood.  But seeing the sweetness revealed in my dream, demonstrated through discoveries tucked into a book - that gave a new depth, richness, compassion to the interplay between Mim & Dad, loving father & adoring daughter.  

This blog is called Dream Reweaver, an apt description of this morning's dream.  "Fresh fabric from many strands" - fresh perspective from an engaging imagining.  Have never been much of a dream catcher, but what joy to have caught this morning's gift.   

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