It's a quiet Easter morning, here at Squirrel Haven. 60 years ago, the same morning would have dawned at The Come-Again Cabin with the sound of Mom already moving around in the kitchen, sharing a cup of coffee with Dad, I'd be checking out from the top bunk if Mim was still asleep in the lower, we'd smell bacon cooking & wonder if it was late enough for us to get up.
One by one, we'd show up in the kitchen, rubbing our eyes & wishing our parents a happy Easter. Bacon, eggs, OJ & Mom's hot cross buns would be ready & waiting for the six of us sitting at the table - Dad at the head, Peter, Mike, Mim, Ian & yours truly sitting in our usual places, boys on the one side, girls on the other, with a space left next to Mim in case Mom ever had a moment to join us.
Not likely on an Easter Sunday. Mom was already deep into prepping the dishes that would be in the oven - ham or lamb - and the sides that would go on the stove as soon as we got home from church.
In the center of the table would the BIG handsome family Easter basket, filled with jelly beans & all sorts of candies to tide us over until we got our own baskets, waiting in the shuttered living room. In the center, was one of Mom's glorious chocolate-covered buttercream eggs.
That dark, beautifully woven round basket is no more. Every Easter, would bring it out, even if it didn't hold a single jelly bean or chocolate malted egg. This is the first Easter without it. This past fall, I took a nasty tumble in the basement & was amazed not to have done serious damage. I lay there on the cement floor wondering how it was possible I hadn't broken anything or at least took a terrible banging. As I slowly lifted myself up, looked over to the place of honor where the basket sat - s handle was smashed down all the way to the rim. It had broken my fall. It was hard, saying good bye, but it deserved the honorable farewell we gave it.
After breakfast, we'd make a beeline for the living room, where the baskets awaited, and all of the kids - from youngest to oldest - participated in the Easter egg hunt, outside in good weather, inside if it was raining. Then, it was get ready for church, each of us with flowers in hand, and head up Alden Road, the Black Path, along South Avenue to family service.
Then it was home to nosh & nibble Easter goodies waiting for dinner to be ready. The whole family would sit around the table & dig into the lamb (with mint sauce, never jelly) or ham, the candied sweet & regular mashed potatoes, peas, creamed onions - am sure I'm forgetting a couple sides. For dessert, we'd "operate" on the egg sitting in the middle of the family basket.
A very different morning from today, with John still sleeping upstairs, the cats having a post-breakfast siesta in the living room. After writing this, will take a drive over to Giant - which would have been closed for the holiday not that long ago - to see if they have hot cross buns for my morning coffee. Will shower, then head off - flowers in hand - to the adult Easter service. Later, we will drive over to where Peter lives in Norristown, taking him a matted picture of himself, Mom, Whitney & Reynolds, a photo I must have taken decades ago (pre John)after a long-ago Easter family service. We'll take a drive to & through beloved places, ending up for a late afternoon walk along the Pennypack Trail. Will stop at Boston Market for a bounty of vegetarian sides for our Lockphy Murphart Easter feast.
It is a wonder to me, letting the circle that is my life be unbroken - to no longer feel like it's somehow hopelessly off-kilter because our holidays aren't filled with the family who gathered with us back in the days Mom was alive, when Peter typically joined us, even Mim might put in an appearance, when Whitney & Reynolds would swing by if they were in the area.
Hey, it's not like I wasn't prepared. Remember Mom once telling me, "When I am gone, your brothers & sister will feel closer to you," to which I replied a prescient, "Mom, when you're gone there won't be any reason for them to be anywhere near me."
Still, it's one thing to predict & another to experience. For years, my Easter felt wrong, just as our Christmas did. I saw & felt my family circle as being broken, when it was just the same family circle it's always been.
What a wonder, to be enjoying every moment of this Easter, to think about my sibs, my nieces celebrating with their families, my nephews with friends, to remember past holidays & feeling wondrous blessed by all that I have with me at this year's - loving thoughts going out to all my family, across the country & around the world, the company of the treasured friends & friends who feel like family that we'll see at church & along the trail, for all the blessing of spirit that fill our lives.
My circle of loving & being loved is unbroken.
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