My expectation is that this time next year will find me as in the swing as ever - and finally enjoying health care coverage (I turn 65 on 02/07 - Medicare, here I come). But you never know. I don't qualify for the ACA (make too little money) & only just learned that PA's Medicaid program was expanded - checking it out today. And my breathing is particularly labored today, my right brain has been a-tingling, and my doctor stopped seeing me about a year ago.
My doctor acted reasonably. Not much sense seeing a patient who doesn't have health care coverage to pay for blood work or MRIs. I could have raised the thousands for that testing, but what would be the gain? Without coverage, I can't cover treatments, let alone hospitalizations. A far far cry from my corporate days, when my health care benefits covered the whole enchilada, minus an affordable co-pay for hospitalization.
(If it turns out my current health hiccups are due to the decayed left tooth I still haven't had removed - in spite of having the funds for that - am going to feel foolish.)
All of that is not grumbles & grouses, but background for why I'm writing this post at this time. There are things I want to share - to testify to - & I finally have the will to do it.
If my physical life fell apart, it wouldn't matter to me one whit. What was always an interesting existence, with many flashes of spectacular, turned into glorious once John & I tagged up. Such wonders, from relationship.
Imagine believing in something all your life - that we are rooted in relationship, that it is our end-all & be-all, the quality of each & every one affecting our relationship with All That Is, which is what it's all about in the first place - and, in your middle age, seeing it come to past. It matters that I make known abroad the wondrous things that have come to past, that continue to unfold within & around me.
First, a word to everyone - don't shillie shallie with a merely okay life. We are built for glory. Good heavens - we're created in the image & likeness of GOD, so act like it! Ditch any semblance of subsistence living, whether it is in money or relationships or self-expectations. We are born for abundance, in our hearts, our spirits, our lives, our relationships.
We're meant to get past obstacles. That's a problem for me - there are some i can't see, others that are apparently visible but aren't actually there - so a month ago, I brought in the awesome Jane Kerschner as a well-being coach & am already seeing amazing results. Feels like I've approached some key areas of life wearing dark sunglasses with blinkers!
It's perfectly okay to do things that benefit YOU. Self-interest is NOT a bad thing, as long as it doesn't harm others. My adored older sister told me that what we do only has value if it involves a degree of pain - sorry, but that's just crazy.
In my experience, just the opposite is true - when I'm doing something wildly valuable, that's when it feels painless, even if it involves a lot of emotional, energetic amd/or physical heavy lifting. It's small wonder that Mim felt she wasn't cut out for happiness - with that attitude, how could she be.
In all the years I tried - aka always & forever - could never turn around Mim's view of life & living. She found me deeply suspect for espousing the belief that we are built for happiness, others ~and~ our own. It felt like my deep conviction only convinced her that I was some sort of phony or worse.
Phony? Phooey!! We are built for happiness. In the creation story, when God creates humans, S/He sees that it is good. We might not ever get back to our roots in some form of earthly Eden, but things will be pretty spectacular if we spend our lives trying, by being there for others, by doing what we can to foster healthy whole relationships with each other, within our communities, our nations, our world, our planet.
We are born for incredible moments, to experience them & create them. Don't settle for less.
What do you feel called to do? Go for it. All the way. A calling is a calling - only you know what it is. Callings come in all sizes. And we can't tell when someone is following a calling. Don't fret about other's - focus on your own.
One of my greatest blessings over the past years has been finding things that don't just call to me - they BELLOW. I sought Jane's support because it was frustrating, seeing what called to be done & not giving my flat-out best to make them so. Here's to getting all of them done within my glorious time in this ab fab here & now, because none of them are difficult & each is worth the energy to make them real.
Cyber Access for the Technically Timid (CATT) - this is #1 on the list because it is the one most tied to ME, to my interests & experience & skill sets. It's the project that seems custom tailored - I already did a version of it, partnering with Mom to write her Mindwalker1910 e-mails (primitive blogging). But anyone could take the idea & develop it into something special - tag up folks who are experienced in helping draw out others' thoughts, interests, feelings, working with them to write postings with oldsters & the elderly, transcribing their words into blogs. CATT would not only remove the need for anyone to have to ever touch a keyboard, the person working with them would be a coach helping them connect with what's within waiting to be shared, help draw it out, help put it into words that echo the oldster or elder's own voice.
Bryn Athyn Coloring Pages – What fun to do, to offer, to purchase & color! This is about the winningest project that ever burbled up in my brain – imagining all the photographers whose wonderful pictures of the special buildings & places around my little hometown, using available graphic programs to transfer into simple line drawings, recruiting (even paying!) artists for more detailed drawings for an advanced pages coloring packet!
Return of Community Meals – What better place to celebrate a return of community meals than at Cairnwood Village! It doesn’t take a whole lot of effort, provides an opportunity to connect across the generations, the return on investment is fantastic, and it is so much FUN! My current goal is to start with a monthly brunch – January’s tied to the New Year, February’s to Valentine’s Day, none this month (too crazy) but hoping to have one welcoming Spring the first Saturday in April (waiting hear back from the C.V. powers-that-be if we have a go). For the next one, would invited the board & their spouses to join us. And the next time my pastors office has a Pay It Forward cooking event, am going to get my rear is gear & be part of it!
Senior Project – A build off the high school’s Capstone project, which includes students discovering their values & writing personal vision statements. Personal experience has shown the value of doing this with oldsters & the elderly – inspired by listing to Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People on our 1997 ramble home from DisneyWorld, Mom & I each wrote our own personal mission statement, then teamed to write one for our partnership. Doing the work, writing the statements, sharing them made a big difference to both of us. A great project to use with older people, who might have lost a sense of connection with their values, whose values might have changed over the years, whose vision statement as an elder would naturally be different than their younger years.
Song Salve singing circles – My community is filled with people who love to sing, to play instruments. Imagine if they made themselves available to sing hymns to folks unable to get to church services (live stream is wonderful, but not the same as hearing it truly live), to welcome new babies with sweet lullabies, to provide comfort to the unwell, to sing out the dying. I am no singer, but could coordinate & connect volunteers with requests.
Final Wishes – this is a form I developed a couple years about outlining what we want others to know in the event of our passing. Need to promote it more!
Cooper, Keeper of the Gardens – in 2nd draft, this is the first in a series of
children’s books about the Bryn Athyn Cathedral gardens, a story that will
appeal to all ages, a fun way to introduce young & older to the gardens
& even expand to other sites. The
just-right illustrator would use the simple story as canvas for showcasing the
beauty & meaning of the various gardens, using the purely fictional Cooper (a handsome
short-hair marmalade) as the reason to move through each one. I envision books spotlighting each of the
seasons & introducing siblings who watch over Glencairn & Cairnwood, as
well as their parents who live in the sweet little house by the itty bitty
pond.
These look like a lot, but all that they need is a little attention, some well-focused action, connecting with the right people, finding & involving interested others to help with the follow through to completion.
John & I weren't blessed with human children of our own, no grandchildren engage our hearts, attention & energies. My loves revolve around my John, my family, my friends, my schools, my little hometown, the older friends who - directly & indirectly - continue to be such rock 'em sock 'em role models to me, my larger communities, my nation, my world, my planet, my everything.
We are our stories - make sure yours are wonderful. Look for the lessons in everything. Some of the most wretched moments in my life turned out to be priceless learning experiences. Accept that suffering is a natural part of our lives, but don't seek it out, don't think that suffering makes us somehow more noble - poppy cock! Look for the highest good - for others AND yourself - in all you do.
Drama is wonderful when it's up on a stage, not when we showcase it in our lives. Be open to happiness. Make your life a hotbed for nurturing & growing happiness. Happiness is meant to be our natural, resting state.
So, this is written. For me, it's a starting place. For everyone else, it's a reflection that I finally have the will to live a life that's a testament to being all that we're created to be - whole happy connected.
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