Friends wonder why I'm not swept away in a total dither over our major plumbing problems & the financial calamity they could bring. "How can you remain so calm?"
It will be what it will be. The house was built in 1960. Things are going to need attention. We might be able to afford them or we might have to work around them. There is no sense in getting all stressed out. Do what we can, work with what has to be delayed to another day. And be down-on-our-knees grateful for being able to divert money from other targeted, less practical purposes. Wasn't always so & I wasn't always in a place where I could process, GET, the life lesson.
In my life, I was - until John's arrival - more familiar with things not working than with things that functioned the way normal people expected. The biggest, most important things in my life were not just messed up beyond repair, they involved others who didn't see them as damaged or broken, but seemed to experience them as perfectly okay. Damaged broken not working - until this plumbing emergency, it never fully dawned on me just how much I'd integrated an expectation of non-functioning into my current day life. It wasn't spoken or openly acknowledged, it's power was in being the computer screen of my life - always present in the background.
Sort of hard to miss that all of my elder care anarchist efforts would fall flat without recognizing & changing that crazy core dynamic. Voila - the plumbing problems rear their head to teach me a lesson far more valuable than the cost of replacing a faucet, toilets & pipes. Am sure the Universe would have preferred a less radical way of getting the point across, but I blew off all the others. Took this to get my attention.
It makes sense that the Universe would be the first to support making radical changes to my woeful aging culture. Elders are meant to be treated with respect & honored, designed by the Divine to be a priceless source of wisdom & experience. Hence, THE LESSON.
Build on success - that makes good sense. And in my relationship with John is filled with them. It's not easy, it's taken a lot of effort & energy, individually & as a couple, but we seem to make it work. Looking back over the past twenty-five years, can see an arc of continual growth & development.
Maybe that's what is visible to me & not to others - the evolution that brought us to where we are today, able to afford some plumbing repairs if not all. That's major. Twelve years ago, ten, even three & we wouldn't have had spare nickels to rub against each other. Today, we can look at a steady arc of growth to our income streams, with every expectation that the trend will remain upward (financially) & inward (satisfaction). How many people can say that, at 62 & almost 69? Pretty darn awesome, if you ask me!
Yes, Universe, have not missed another major lesson to this not-so-unexpected turn of events - it's time to figure out a way to pay attention to my own physical plumbing problems. Sorry for the ick, but it can't be mere coincidence that we've ignored plumbing problems in the house in the same way that I've felt forced to ignore personal health problems. Thought the ACA would remedy them, but turns out we don't make enough post-tax income to qualify. So, wasn't planning on figuring out a way to get at least the basics - at the least, blood work (very expensive if you don't have a contracted health plan setting rates) & an ob-gyn visit. Yes, Universe - will get on it.
My life is going in so many directions. Some are expanding & increasing our income. Some call for generosity rather than billing. Others enrich in ways having nothing to do with dollars & cents. Or require an investment of precious savings & time. All of them are essential. And none of them will flourish & develop if I can't see that some things take me closer to my goals (do more of them) while others take me further away (get rid of them!) or just aren't making any real difference one way or the other (prune 'em).
My friends are correct in thinking that I am unfazed by our here & now plumbing problems & all they could bring. Will they understand an explanation as simple as, "No worries - just the Universe talking."
Universe - got it. Eyes open, senses awake, mind aware. Lesson being learned. Know you tried & tried before. This one sank in. Changing my ways. Thanks for always having my back.
No comments:
Post a Comment