What if...

... I don't get the funding to go to Omega?  Was taking concrete steps to make it possible actually enough to glean major benefits from just those few actions?  Is it possible taking seriously all the five workshops can offer, not just in my head & heart but in my gut, puts me in a pretty fabulous place, even if the reality is that I don't go?  Is that what my soul meant when it told me the benefits WOULD happen?

Yes, yes & yes to all of the above.

If funding doesn't come through, then I'll apply for early Social Security & put that money to work.  It won't make Omega possible, not even one of the five workshops, but it will allow me to do an immense amount of transformative work right here in my own back yard.  It can underwrite two sessions a month with the great Kim Vargas, just talking - no issues, just inner clarity.  I can take meditation & laughter yoga & QiGong sessions at the Resiliency Center for almost nothing.  It can underwrite tutoring in improving my blogging skills.  It can underwrite developing language & skills that are within sight but outside my grasp.  Good reasons to opt for the early, less $$ pay outs.  

Impossible to express what good it did, just writing funding request letters.  Not requests that whined about "I need $ to survive," but "Looking for a loan to do AB&C to help me do XY&Z - but am going to do XY&Z no matter what."  

THIS is what the last four years have been about - getting to a place of abundance, where dreams of connection & community & change-making seem to be streaming out of my finger tips.

What if funding for Omega doesn't happen?  I'll do what I can with what I have where I am & experience the wonder of it all.  

Reminds me of the first Monday after meeting John.  Every Monday night, I basked in blues at Temperance Houseday nights for blues.  After our first date, Saturday night, John asked if I wanted him to join me at The Temp.  Explained to him that while it would make me happy if he came, I was going to be happy whether he came or not.  

I'll be happy if my funding requests come through but yay or nay the deep work will happen, no matter what.  Powers beyond understanding are at work, and I am grateful.  And already at work.  No "what if"s, just NOW.