Two of a kind

Happy birthday, Dad!  You would have turned 103 - if you hadn't died at 61 years, 11 months & some days.

The two of us always had an interesting relationship.  Never, not once in my memory, did you ever side with me in a disagreement involving Mimmy.  Never happened.  Yet, by the time you died - when I was barely in my twenties - it had dawned on me that while I never felt like you gave me the affection & strong support you did my older sister, I got your respect.  Didn't take me long to realize that, to me, respect trumps affection any day.

Our challenge was that we were, in many ways, two of a kind.  We both loved being there for people, lending a helping hand, being generous with our time & money & resources.  Where we differ is that Dad liked taking care of people, whereas my joy is in nurturing them.  Dad didn't seem to have any concept of helping his children develop independent lives.  Just wasn't an issue for him. My guess is that he saw a father's role as being there when his children needed him, to be there in ways his own father never was.  It's doubtful the idea of emotional independence ever occurred to him.

We shared straight-shooting ways, which aggravate some as much as they please others.  It's a quality that stands me in good stead in my marriage.  As has our shared trait of appreciating others for who they are, rather than what we want them to be.  From what he showed & shared at the end of his life, Dad suffered no illusions about what made each of his children tick.  What a gift that was, realizing he knew.  

Out of calamity - the business where he was a v.p. burned to the ground, the owner didn't rebuild - Dad started his own, Lockhart Lumber.  It was just turning a serious profit when he died and, without benefit of his unique vision, fizzled after his death. 

My present to myself on Dad's birthday is to make him a very silent, ever-present partner in older2elder.  May his many legacies guide me in moving it past a whisp of idea to a reality, and may I have the time, energy & wherewithal to make it something that goes beyond my unique vision of warm responsive engaged elder care to a new culture that transforms olders & their families, their communities, their everything.

Happy birthday, Dad - - may your inspiration & my focused work bring many happy returns!