ever vigilant - and not in a good way

Just came across an interesting description - Even when they were talking about pleasant or mundane facets of their relationships, they were prepared to attack and be attacked. 

Have known people like that.  It's like their radar is always scanning for the phrase that will give another person away as having some sort of negative intent.  

My sister is that way.  It felt like she was ever vigilant for the pointed slight, always scanning her environment for things that left her feeling put down, less than others.  And distrustful if she came up short.  If none were detected, motives were questioned.  An exhausting way to live.

 

Mim is 70, I am 62.  I still haven't a clue why she seemed ever vigilant to detecting would could be experienced as diminishing triggers.  What a loss that she's seemed intransigent in her expectations, unwilling or unable to sense the world as a welcoming, loving & generous place.  

 

My Christmas present to Mim this year is to install in her heart a brand new scanning system, one ever vigilant for what constructively energizes & empowers, one that helps her detect the countless others who love & respect her, one that leaves her feeling good about herself, what she can give & has given so many. Then, she can be ever vigilant - in the best possible way!