Eunice & Wayne ~ Dave & Candy ~ Jane ~ Hilary ~ Gwen ~ Adrienne - - seven relationship super stars! Seven people I hold in my heart as having the gift of creating connection with others.
I've always & forever loved relationships. And I appreciate being born with that joy already tucked in my heart & infused throughout my being. Am blessed to have connection with these seven - and others, to be sure - who so embody it, albeit in different ways.
Guess it's Thanksgiving, reveling in the glory of having breakfasted yesterday with Anne Davis Hyatt AND David Wylie AND John, then connecting Anne with her son Wayne at our little hometown's big Thanksgiving church service, then whisking her off on a drive between church & nip into Warminster West (where familiar, friendly faces greeted her with smiles) for a smackeral to tide her over until we delivered her to a family dinner at Justin & Jody's for their T-day family dinner, then having our own Thanksgiving feast with the Cavanaugh family plus three (Karen's mom, the two of us) which is always filled with great times & fabulous food. My life is filled with so many wonderful people, connected to my heart in big & small ways, each a treasure to be appreciated & savored.
One more relationship super star to add to the list - Diana Glenn Peterson. No one better to write about on Black Friday, a day she enjoyed to the hilt! Black Friday shopping has always left me cold - not Diana! She loved every crazy moment, had all sorts of traditions around it. What a rare talent she had for drawing people in & drawing people out. It's been two years since she moved forward, but the pang of missing her still pierces my heart. Always will, in its bittersweet way.
So blessed to have such a constellation of super stars in my life!
Friday, November 28, 2014
Thursday, November 27, 2014
To Muriel, with thanks
Thanksgiving - a day
forever entwined with gratitude & relationship, especially family
relationships. Perhaps it's not so unusual for my thoughts to turn to
my birth family on this particular day. Turned to, without even a sense
of wistful regret, just - gratitude.
Yesterday was a dreary, dreadful day, twisting this way & that way between nasty rain & flat out snow (enough for several inches precipitation). The perfect day to send my sister a pair of fluffy warm sockets in bright pinks & blues & polka dots, the toes of one pair sporting a pin proclaiming, "I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without its motives being questioned." Only note a quick scrawl on the back of the envelope explaining the contents seemed advisable in such wretched weather.
I have, perched next to me, a 9/14/14 Philadelphia Inquirer article about proposed renovations to the Harold F. Pitcairn Wings of Freedom Air Museum at the former Willow Grove Naval Air Station. Unlike the socks sent to Mim, I've never mailed to the article to Peter, even though it's sure to be of interest to him.
Today, it came to me why it is wise & good & possible to have a light-touch connection with my sister, but not a similar "via U.S. mail" relationship with my older brother. In all my experiences with Mim, she has made it clear (literally) that she has no affection for me, that I am more likely to irritate the daylights out of her than not & I am, to her, the human equivalent of fingernails raking across a chalk board. For all of that, she has never, not once, made it clear or even given the impression that she doesn't consider me her sister. Peter has. Not once, but twice - well, there were plenty of other times, too, but they could be explained away by a hopeful heart.
And it wasn't the words he used that awakened me to a truth that was already lodged in my deep consciousness. On both occasions, it was his eyes that revealed the utterness of his distance from me. Both times, the information didn't engulf me as grief or sadness or even regret, just gratitude that what I'd long felt was confirmed. There was, there is no me in his life.
How could I feel a sense of gratitude because my oldest brother has no sense of me as a sibling? Because dealing with stunning family dynamics, of which Peter's (and Kerry's) are the most extreme but certainly not the most intriguing, left me with 1) a profound love & respect for relationship in general, not just family ties ~and~ 2) a respect for the wild ways of family relationships, something that stands me in excellent stead working with grannie clients & their families. As rough & rocky as those relationships can get, they do so because they exist. That's worth honoring. In the rare instances where - like my brother with me - there is a total yet unacknowledged un-ness, I can respect & honor that too, not trying to understand or heal, but letting it be what it is in its own perverse whole.
Today, Thanksgiving 2014, I give myself permission to stop feeling a call to reach out to Peter. It would be more than false, it would be a travesty. I respect relationship too much to succumb to the siren call of being the sister he doesn't, in the sinew of his being, accept as existing.
Am left with a remarkable sense of gratitude that something so unexpected as experiencing Maggie Smith's character in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel lead me to such an unexpected epiphany Something terribly sad happened to Muriel Donnelly, something that turned her bitter & angry & isolated. She'd given her all to people she loved who placed no value to her care & loyalty & love. No one was more surprised than she when it turned out that all the care she'd given & the great lengths she'd gone to were exactly what she needed to change her life - and countless others - to fabulous. If everything hadn't happened as it did, as harsh & heartbreaking as it was, she would not been in the right place at the right time with the right background & skills.
I expected a lovely Thanksgiving snuggle & movie night with my O Best Beloved. What I ended up with was a shout-from-the-roof-tops sense of gratitude to all that has been & all that is & all that is to come. And indescribable happiness at mailing off a pair of fluff with a chicken quote!
Yesterday was a dreary, dreadful day, twisting this way & that way between nasty rain & flat out snow (enough for several inches precipitation). The perfect day to send my sister a pair of fluffy warm sockets in bright pinks & blues & polka dots, the toes of one pair sporting a pin proclaiming, "I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without its motives being questioned." Only note a quick scrawl on the back of the envelope explaining the contents seemed advisable in such wretched weather.
I have, perched next to me, a 9/14/14 Philadelphia Inquirer article about proposed renovations to the Harold F. Pitcairn Wings of Freedom Air Museum at the former Willow Grove Naval Air Station. Unlike the socks sent to Mim, I've never mailed to the article to Peter, even though it's sure to be of interest to him.
Today, it came to me why it is wise & good & possible to have a light-touch connection with my sister, but not a similar "via U.S. mail" relationship with my older brother. In all my experiences with Mim, she has made it clear (literally) that she has no affection for me, that I am more likely to irritate the daylights out of her than not & I am, to her, the human equivalent of fingernails raking across a chalk board. For all of that, she has never, not once, made it clear or even given the impression that she doesn't consider me her sister. Peter has. Not once, but twice - well, there were plenty of other times, too, but they could be explained away by a hopeful heart.
And it wasn't the words he used that awakened me to a truth that was already lodged in my deep consciousness. On both occasions, it was his eyes that revealed the utterness of his distance from me. Both times, the information didn't engulf me as grief or sadness or even regret, just gratitude that what I'd long felt was confirmed. There was, there is no me in his life.
How could I feel a sense of gratitude because my oldest brother has no sense of me as a sibling? Because dealing with stunning family dynamics, of which Peter's (and Kerry's) are the most extreme but certainly not the most intriguing, left me with 1) a profound love & respect for relationship in general, not just family ties ~and~ 2) a respect for the wild ways of family relationships, something that stands me in excellent stead working with grannie clients & their families. As rough & rocky as those relationships can get, they do so because they exist. That's worth honoring. In the rare instances where - like my brother with me - there is a total yet unacknowledged un-ness, I can respect & honor that too, not trying to understand or heal, but letting it be what it is in its own perverse whole.
Today, Thanksgiving 2014, I give myself permission to stop feeling a call to reach out to Peter. It would be more than false, it would be a travesty. I respect relationship too much to succumb to the siren call of being the sister he doesn't, in the sinew of his being, accept as existing.
Am left with a remarkable sense of gratitude that something so unexpected as experiencing Maggie Smith's character in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel lead me to such an unexpected epiphany Something terribly sad happened to Muriel Donnelly, something that turned her bitter & angry & isolated. She'd given her all to people she loved who placed no value to her care & loyalty & love. No one was more surprised than she when it turned out that all the care she'd given & the great lengths she'd gone to were exactly what she needed to change her life - and countless others - to fabulous. If everything hadn't happened as it did, as harsh & heartbreaking as it was, she would not been in the right place at the right time with the right background & skills.
I expected a lovely Thanksgiving snuggle & movie night with my O Best Beloved. What I ended up with was a shout-from-the-roof-tops sense of gratitude to all that has been & all that is & all that is to come. And indescribable happiness at mailing off a pair of fluff with a chicken quote!
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Beat Mom's best time
No one would be more pleased than Mom that I shaved 25 years off her own personal best for gaining a glimmer of understanding self. Years ago, on a road trip to DisneyWorld, a door opened onto her inner life & she soldly sallied forth, trail blazing like crazy. Now, she leads my way.
Giving thanks to her & to our Creator for this moment, for all that came before, for all that are ahead. Seventeen years ago - to the month! - I, unknowingly, partnered with the Great Spirit in helping Mom seek ways to see more clearly, gain more confidence, start revealing to herself her own true best self. My guess is her post-09/16/01 partnering with the Great I AM for her children's benefit is considerably more active! And this child is over the moon with joy.
Don't ever doubt that life is filled with magic. Life working as intended in the Original Plan. Have never been more aware of it filling every nook & crevice of my life than right now. May I hold onto this deep sense of wonder & power forever!
Beat Mom's best time by 25 years. Thanks, coach!
Giving thanks to her & to our Creator for this moment, for all that came before, for all that are ahead. Seventeen years ago - to the month! - I, unknowingly, partnered with the Great Spirit in helping Mom seek ways to see more clearly, gain more confidence, start revealing to herself her own true best self. My guess is her post-09/16/01 partnering with the Great I AM for her children's benefit is considerably more active! And this child is over the moon with joy.
Don't ever doubt that life is filled with magic. Life working as intended in the Original Plan. Have never been more aware of it filling every nook & crevice of my life than right now. May I hold onto this deep sense of wonder & power forever!
Beat Mom's best time by 25 years. Thanks, coach!
Monday, November 24, 2014
when the student is ready... - Little Wonders
Tonight, I had the deep pleasure of introducing me to Meet the Robinsons, a Disney film that Karen Cavanaugh introduced me to years ago. A film that helped flipped an inner switch from stuck to moving forward.
It was wonderful, sitting there at the end of that forward-looking film, snugged with John on the couch as the closing song played. It was beyond the beyond to have him hear the lyrics that did so much to complete my inner evolution from whatever it was to this incredible thing that soars.
Little Wonders
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
It was wonderful, sitting there at the end of that forward-looking film, snugged with John on the couch as the closing song played. It was beyond the beyond to have him hear the lyrics that did so much to complete my inner evolution from whatever it was to this incredible thing that soars.
Little Wonders
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
Sunday, November 23, 2014
reweaving a nation's dreams
It's strangely fascinating to have experienced America's most fantastic frontier - space - and then the reality that we've reached the fullest extent of our horizons. There are no more colonies to settle, no independence to be won, no western boundaries to be pushed & pummeled & pioneered into the United States of America.
We are a nation of expanders without anywhere to expand. For the first time ever. Which makes this an interesting time to be a relatively detached observer with inevitable bias. How are we, as a nation, responding?
On civil rights, we have taken bold new strides in restricting the vote of certain demographics (students, the aged, the poor) OR in restoring sanity to a voting process that could not be trusted because we no longer know who are our fellow citizens & who are not.
On science, we are able to understand the substance & working mechanisms of our bodies, a baby can be born with multiple parents, we have extended our life span while increasingly fearing aging. Within a single generation, the number of Americans who no longer admire scientists, who now all things scientific & any scientific findings is jaw dropping. Evolution is out & creationism is in.
People are called bigots for believing that marriage is meant to be between a man & a woman and rigid for believing it's meant to be between ONE man & ONE woman. They're called uptight & Puritan if they believe sex should be treated as something akin to sacred & should be reserved for after marriage.
We tear down the trees & tear up the land, use precious water for drilling & dismiss any fear of polluting the ground water with the chemicals used in fracking. We are astonished that six feet of snow fell on Buffalo, NY over a week before Thanksgiving, but give nary a thought that last year's brutal winter or this years astonishing mid-November - when 50% of the USA was covered in snow - could be related to the steady decimation of sub-Arctic forests by logging, hydrodams, mining and now tar sands excavation.
We are a nation torn between what the majority of citizens believe & the sometimes polar opposite beliefs of the shockingly low # who get out & vote in our Congress.
How did Americans respond to the loss of frontiers? Well, seems to me that the country's imploding. Millions hold tight to an original dream which they don't actually know or understand - who assume the founders hearts & minds were one with theirs. They hold on tight to what they believe was, refusing to reweave the American dream for today's America. And THAT is what we need to do, Step back, see where our country is today, and have a national discussion, at all levels, to consider what is our dream for our country which leads to the inevitable hard-to-accept question - how does a nation that came together to conquer frontiers live peacefully together with a land-locked dream?
We can continue to implode, or we can start reweaving our nation's dream. The founders delivered the Miracle in Philadelphia (infinitely more astonishing than beating the Brits); we can at least do all we can to make good on a reweaving a new dream for our beloved nation.
We are a nation of expanders without anywhere to expand. For the first time ever. Which makes this an interesting time to be a relatively detached observer with inevitable bias. How are we, as a nation, responding?
On civil rights, we have taken bold new strides in restricting the vote of certain demographics (students, the aged, the poor) OR in restoring sanity to a voting process that could not be trusted because we no longer know who are our fellow citizens & who are not.
On science, we are able to understand the substance & working mechanisms of our bodies, a baby can be born with multiple parents, we have extended our life span while increasingly fearing aging. Within a single generation, the number of Americans who no longer admire scientists, who now all things scientific & any scientific findings is jaw dropping. Evolution is out & creationism is in.
People are called bigots for believing that marriage is meant to be between a man & a woman and rigid for believing it's meant to be between ONE man & ONE woman. They're called uptight & Puritan if they believe sex should be treated as something akin to sacred & should be reserved for after marriage.
We tear down the trees & tear up the land, use precious water for drilling & dismiss any fear of polluting the ground water with the chemicals used in fracking. We are astonished that six feet of snow fell on Buffalo, NY over a week before Thanksgiving, but give nary a thought that last year's brutal winter or this years astonishing mid-November - when 50% of the USA was covered in snow - could be related to the steady decimation of sub-Arctic forests by logging, hydrodams, mining and now tar sands excavation.
We are a nation torn between what the majority of citizens believe & the sometimes polar opposite beliefs of the shockingly low # who get out & vote in our Congress.
How did Americans respond to the loss of frontiers? Well, seems to me that the country's imploding. Millions hold tight to an original dream which they don't actually know or understand - who assume the founders hearts & minds were one with theirs. They hold on tight to what they believe was, refusing to reweave the American dream for today's America. And THAT is what we need to do, Step back, see where our country is today, and have a national discussion, at all levels, to consider what is our dream for our country which leads to the inevitable hard-to-accept question - how does a nation that came together to conquer frontiers live peacefully together with a land-locked dream?
We can continue to implode, or we can start reweaving our nation's dream. The founders delivered the Miracle in Philadelphia (infinitely more astonishing than beating the Brits); we can at least do all we can to make good on a reweaving a new dream for our beloved nation.
Friday, November 21, 2014
A grand Friday!
In a few minutes, will be off to DeCharms Hall laden with over-sized chocolate chip cookies for my exams-taking Junior guys! (Open season after 10 p.m. on anything still lingering,)
Then, it's up to Fred's for breakfast. We're picking up John's painting of the forever-missed, always-in-our-hearts Fred (seen above to the upper left of the window, now in the foyer), considered by many the best Bernese of all time (I know some others with their own candidates for that title). Will be on display at the Bryn Athyn Craft Sale, with print & cards available - wheeeeee!
Then we swing by New York Photo to pick up the disk with "Posey Aviation" - the painting John did this year of John Posey's Steerman. The original is for sale ($800) & we are delighted to have it available as a print.
All prints are matted & limited to one size of each - 8 x 10 (S20), 5 x 7 ($15), 4 x 6 ($10). So excited to have what we envisioned last year actually happening in 2014!
Cookies are all packaged & boxed to go. With a purchase of four (4) bags, you can pick a tin or basket or plate from my personal collection. All shortbreads are $5 a bag, ranging from four cookies to seven.
Dinner out with a grannie client, then it's onto great fun. Sorry we have to miss tonight's organ dedication - will be epic.
A grand day out!!!
Then, it's up to Fred's for breakfast. We're picking up John's painting of the forever-missed, always-in-our-hearts Fred (seen above to the upper left of the window, now in the foyer), considered by many the best Bernese of all time (I know some others with their own candidates for that title). Will be on display at the Bryn Athyn Craft Sale, with print & cards available - wheeeeee!
Then we swing by New York Photo to pick up the disk with "Posey Aviation" - the painting John did this year of John Posey's Steerman. The original is for sale ($800) & we are delighted to have it available as a print.
All prints are matted & limited to one size of each - 8 x 10 (S20), 5 x 7 ($15), 4 x 6 ($10). So excited to have what we envisioned last year actually happening in 2014!
Cookies are all packaged & boxed to go. With a purchase of four (4) bags, you can pick a tin or basket or plate from my personal collection. All shortbreads are $5 a bag, ranging from four cookies to seven.
Dinner out with a grannie client, then it's onto great fun. Sorry we have to miss tonight's organ dedication - will be epic.
A grand day out!!!
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Yeeeee haaaaaaaaa!
Bachmann just called with an assignment for my Keet! This is one of the box tops John's designed!! He is over the moon!!!
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
bye bye butterfly - spin, span, spun
At least one angel is sounding her trumpet tonight in triumph - my feathers were barely ruffled by yet another amazing memory moment from John. It was more intellectual than emotional - detached at the same time I was slammed.
Those same blasted insects that were such a problem last week.
Understand, the whole reason I asked John - months ago - to do fantastic (as in fantasy) drawings of insects is because he enjoys drawing dragonflies & had repeatedly expressed his intention to give other bugs a whirl. I asked him to do them because it seemed to be something that would engage him.
I was wrong.
So wrong.
It didn't. He got the lady bug finished - that in itself had some fascinating twists & turns - and yesterday showed me the sketch for the butterfly. But he never got any further than the pencil rendering. Because he thought I had given him the impression it wasn't necessary, that the doing or not was totally up him. Instead, he chose to "clean up" the other two.
Amazing. From a marketing perspective, two drawings fall flat. There is power in three. Why? Something to do with critical mass.
John never got that the only reason I'd suggested over-the-top insects is because he loves drawing dragonflies, they look magnificent & show off a different side of my massively talented husband.
Clearly - alas - it never engaged him.
Each time he had a chance to move onto something else - being it a drawing an animal whose expression beckoned or "cleaning up" the lines of the dragonfly & lady bug - he did so.
But this time was more fascinating than the others in that he had a clear sense of my having given him the impression within the past 24 hours that having the butterfly wasn't essential. That he could chose to do it or not. He couldn't tell me what I said or the context in which I gave the impression, but he had a very strong sense that I had. Not in words, but in... something that registered as strongly as words.
And when I asked him, "Does it make sense that I would have said anything along those lines after making a point - repeatedly - of needing three insects?" his response was, "Right."
The man amazes. it's a curious experience, wondering what will come next. If he could get the sense from something that I conveyed in some fashion other than using words that it was perfectly fine to just have the dragonfly & lady bug - - well, if he can pluck that out of the air, then anything is possible.
So, bye bye butterfly. Bye bye framed prints & notecards. There just isn't time.
My #1 goal for this year's craft sale was to have fun from start to finish. My core batches of cookies are baked AND packaged. Bought snappy white envelopes for John's prints. Have ribbons for tying up the cards featuring John's pet-traits & trains. Just because we won't have the insect prints (framed & unframed) & cards is no reason to go off the rails!
Bye, bye butterfly - and hello to the glee of knowing that THIS situation presented itself as information rather than a communication catastrophe. It was a fresh opportunity to more clearly experience & better understand a core dynamic that ain't about to vanish soon - someday, I hope, but not this week.
How unspeakably astonishing to not feel a single aaarrrrgggghhhh bone in my body as it unrolled. Incredible to go to bed happy - HAPPY.
Things hadn't turned out the way I'd hoped, yet I understood something better than ever before.
And John knows - well, at least I told him - there really is NOT time to do the butterfly, not even if he'd started right after last night's reveal. The whole point of bringing it up months, weeks, days ago was to avoid any last minute stress. We are two insects closer to having John's fantasy insects at the 2015 Bryn Athyn Craft Sale. And there's more than enough cutting for him to do between now & Friday noon. So, no harm no foul.
This is a craft sale to be enjoyed. John didn't get the butterfly done, but he did stay open last night to discussing what had happened. I stayed open to seeing the mysterious working of his artist brain.
We won't have three prints I'd hope to offer, but we ended up with a much stronger union. Together we spun straw into gold - bye bye butterfly, hello love!
Those same blasted insects that were such a problem last week.
Understand, the whole reason I asked John - months ago - to do fantastic (as in fantasy) drawings of insects is because he enjoys drawing dragonflies & had repeatedly expressed his intention to give other bugs a whirl. I asked him to do them because it seemed to be something that would engage him.
I was wrong.
So wrong.
It didn't. He got the lady bug finished - that in itself had some fascinating twists & turns - and yesterday showed me the sketch for the butterfly. But he never got any further than the pencil rendering. Because he thought I had given him the impression it wasn't necessary, that the doing or not was totally up him. Instead, he chose to "clean up" the other two.
Amazing. From a marketing perspective, two drawings fall flat. There is power in three. Why? Something to do with critical mass.
John never got that the only reason I'd suggested over-the-top insects is because he loves drawing dragonflies, they look magnificent & show off a different side of my massively talented husband.
Clearly - alas - it never engaged him.
Each time he had a chance to move onto something else - being it a drawing an animal whose expression beckoned or "cleaning up" the lines of the dragonfly & lady bug - he did so.
But this time was more fascinating than the others in that he had a clear sense of my having given him the impression within the past 24 hours that having the butterfly wasn't essential. That he could chose to do it or not. He couldn't tell me what I said or the context in which I gave the impression, but he had a very strong sense that I had. Not in words, but in... something that registered as strongly as words.
And when I asked him, "Does it make sense that I would have said anything along those lines after making a point - repeatedly - of needing three insects?" his response was, "Right."
The man amazes. it's a curious experience, wondering what will come next. If he could get the sense from something that I conveyed in some fashion other than using words that it was perfectly fine to just have the dragonfly & lady bug - - well, if he can pluck that out of the air, then anything is possible.
So, bye bye butterfly. Bye bye framed prints & notecards. There just isn't time.
My #1 goal for this year's craft sale was to have fun from start to finish. My core batches of cookies are baked AND packaged. Bought snappy white envelopes for John's prints. Have ribbons for tying up the cards featuring John's pet-traits & trains. Just because we won't have the insect prints (framed & unframed) & cards is no reason to go off the rails!
Bye, bye butterfly - and hello to the glee of knowing that THIS situation presented itself as information rather than a communication catastrophe. It was a fresh opportunity to more clearly experience & better understand a core dynamic that ain't about to vanish soon - someday, I hope, but not this week.
How unspeakably astonishing to not feel a single aaarrrrgggghhhh bone in my body as it unrolled. Incredible to go to bed happy - HAPPY.
Things hadn't turned out the way I'd hoped, yet I understood something better than ever before.
And John knows - well, at least I told him - there really is NOT time to do the butterfly, not even if he'd started right after last night's reveal. The whole point of bringing it up months, weeks, days ago was to avoid any last minute stress. We are two insects closer to having John's fantasy insects at the 2015 Bryn Athyn Craft Sale. And there's more than enough cutting for him to do between now & Friday noon. So, no harm no foul.
This is a craft sale to be enjoyed. John didn't get the butterfly done, but he did stay open last night to discussing what had happened. I stayed open to seeing the mysterious working of his artist brain.
We won't have three prints I'd hope to offer, but we ended up with a much stronger union. Together we spun straw into gold - bye bye butterfly, hello love!
With thanks to Pam Pannepinto
Am forever grateful to my sister's college room mate. Many years ago on a university campus far far away, a young woman - Pam - grumbled to Mim about longing to finish her schooling & finally be able to "get out into the real world."
That short comment grabbed my older sister's attention, who shared it in a letter to Mom, who shared it with me. I was in high school, but already I knew that we ALL have "little" worlds we long to escape, all look to bigger worlds beckoning beyond the horizon of the familiar, the already known, the more.
Even a wealthy young woman who came from a posh apartment on the rarified Upper West Side, already well educated & well traveled.
That short comment grabbed my older sister's attention, who shared it in a letter to Mom, who shared it with me. I was in high school, but already I knew that we ALL have "little" worlds we long to escape, all look to bigger worlds beckoning beyond the horizon of the familiar, the already known, the more.
Even a wealthy young woman who came from a posh apartment on the rarified Upper West Side, already well educated & well traveled.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
simple facts & home truths
Interesting to realize we are a nation unfamiliar with how businesses act when they get a choke hold on consumers, born generations after teddy roosevelt raised the shackles of corporate giants when he busted up monopolies.
Sadly, we are getting more & more familiar with some of the abuses that come from consumer power being in the hands of a relatively few entities.
It took decades to wrestle the power away from the robber barons of the late 1800s (sorry to my friends who think that is an unwarranted term - they were), feels like we are handing it back at breakneck speed.
From fracking to the tar sands, Keystone Pipeline or off shore drilling, the average American seems be letting what's best for big biz blind us to the simple fact & home truth that the only people they benefit are corporations. For the rest of us, they spell disaster.
Sadly, we are getting more & more familiar with some of the abuses that come from consumer power being in the hands of a relatively few entities.
It took decades to wrestle the power away from the robber barons of the late 1800s (sorry to my friends who think that is an unwarranted term - they were), feels like we are handing it back at breakneck speed.
From fracking to the tar sands, Keystone Pipeline or off shore drilling, the average American seems be letting what's best for big biz blind us to the simple fact & home truth that the only people they benefit are corporations. For the rest of us, they spell disaster.
Friday, November 14, 2014
a zillion brownie points to the zillionth degree
Entering the computer studio a few minutes ago, spied a piece of paper on my keyboard. John's lovely writing.
My heart soared higher than it's ever been.
He wrote me a note last night.
He didn't go to the computer studio & draw fantastic insects -
that boat has sailed.
He wrote a note about last night's situation. AWEsome!
The deep power of the note isn't what it says, but that John remembered that the best step in responding to a sticky situation is to do something constructive. For him me us, at this point in time, the best response is to write a note non-judgmentally recapping what happened. No editorializing or mea culpas. Just a remembering of the event.
The note itself is important, at least this one is. The verbs he uses - did, do, thinking, want, ignoring - show that he doesn't understand the actual challenge he faces. All of those verbs imply an active intention. John didn't blow off doing fantastic insect drawings to sell as a set of cards because of anything intentional - the reason behind that first drawing, the one he finished, never registered.
It is a great solace & terrible worry that when John does blows off a reasonable, agreed-to request by me, it has utterly nothing to do with me. It's totally un-personal, although it can look & feel otherwise.
My guess is it's a matter of not making basic connections. It is not intellectual, which is the challenge ~ how can anyone change what doesn't register?
Which brings us to the reason for the zillion x a zillion brownie points - he REMEMBERED, totally on his own without a single nudge in the right direction from me, that the best thing response to a situation like we experienced last night is to do SOMETHING, even the smallest thing, differently than usual. Writing a note is far from a small thing. That is HUGE.
When I came down to the kitchen this morning to feed the cats, my heart swelled on seeing that the few dishes I'd left in the sink last night were washed & the sink was glistening. He was thinking of me, in a loving way, before he came to bed.
When I spotted the note on the keyboard - well, it feels pretty darn spectacular to know our relationship has turned a crucial corner. Due to actions we both took & attitudes we both hold - different, but bending in the same direction.
A zillion x a zillion brownie points, all due to something as simple as a note? Oh, yeah!
postscript 11/15/14 - John writing the note, without so much as a wink or a nudge from me, changed everything. We are looking forward to teaming up at the Bryn Athyn Craft Sale. Which means he's deep into drawing two more fantastic insects - a lady bug & a butterfly, to go with the dragonfly - and I'm busy busy busy with getting prints run, cards made, and cookies baked!
My heart soared higher than it's ever been.
He wrote me a note last night.
He didn't go to the computer studio & draw fantastic insects -
that boat has sailed.
He wrote a note about last night's situation. AWEsome!
The deep power of the note isn't what it says, but that John remembered that the best step in responding to a sticky situation is to do something constructive. For him me us, at this point in time, the best response is to write a note non-judgmentally recapping what happened. No editorializing or mea culpas. Just a remembering of the event.
The note itself is important, at least this one is. The verbs he uses - did, do, thinking, want, ignoring - show that he doesn't understand the actual challenge he faces. All of those verbs imply an active intention. John didn't blow off doing fantastic insect drawings to sell as a set of cards because of anything intentional - the reason behind that first drawing, the one he finished, never registered.
It is a great solace & terrible worry that when John does blows off a reasonable, agreed-to request by me, it has utterly nothing to do with me. It's totally un-personal, although it can look & feel otherwise.
My guess is it's a matter of not making basic connections. It is not intellectual, which is the challenge ~ how can anyone change what doesn't register?
Which brings us to the reason for the zillion x a zillion brownie points - he REMEMBERED, totally on his own without a single nudge in the right direction from me, that the best thing response to a situation like we experienced last night is to do SOMETHING, even the smallest thing, differently than usual. Writing a note is far from a small thing. That is HUGE.
When I came down to the kitchen this morning to feed the cats, my heart swelled on seeing that the few dishes I'd left in the sink last night were washed & the sink was glistening. He was thinking of me, in a loving way, before he came to bed.
When I spotted the note on the keyboard - well, it feels pretty darn spectacular to know our relationship has turned a crucial corner. Due to actions we both took & attitudes we both hold - different, but bending in the same direction.
A zillion x a zillion brownie points, all due to something as simple as a note? Oh, yeah!
postscript 11/15/14 - John writing the note, without so much as a wink or a nudge from me, changed everything. We are looking forward to teaming up at the Bryn Athyn Craft Sale. Which means he's deep into drawing two more fantastic insects - a lady bug & a butterfly, to go with the dragonfly - and I'm busy busy busy with getting prints run, cards made, and cookies baked!
Thursday, November 13, 2014
if you don't know the why - spin, spin, spin
...There's no way you can change a negative action.
John has no concept of why he totally steps away from important conversations & requests. Tonight, it was him drawing one fantastic dragonfly to use for the Bryn Athyn Craft Sale & totally forgetting a) that I'd requested, many moons ago, three dragonflies or fantastic insects of his choosing and even b) that I'd requested it FOR the craft sale.
As John recalls, I asked him to draw the dragonfly, but he knew not why. Oh, no - he knew that I wanted it for the pale green frame. But not that I wanted it for the craft sale. Well, yes - he knew that I wanted him to do it so that we could sell the print of the dragonfly in the pale green frame, but he had no idea that I wanted to sell it at the Bryn Athyn Craft Sale, for which he had given me the check for the entrance feel two weeks ago.
He had no memory or at least any connection between my request & the craft sale. He had no memory or at least any connection between my many comments about the craft sale & him doing anything to sell there. He knew there was a craft sale & he knew that we were participating, that he would have the balk of the vendor space but he didn't make a connection between real life & the theoretical.
John has no idea why he has these massive disconnects. And he cannot change what he does without knowing. If he did it intentionally, there'd be some home of change.
The hard part on me isn't the being totally blown off when it really deeply profoundly matters, as in the situation with the craft sale. It's when he doesn't want to feel badly about utterly dissing me & expects me to be okay with it, to move forward with our plans for the craft sale - which I won't do - just so he can feel better about letting putting what he wanted to do (a drawing of a bassett hound with an expression he finds particularly appealing) totally & utterly eclipse what made actual financial sense. Even if he didn't draw the insects, he could have started Margo Langlotz' dogs, which are over two years late.
I am supposed to feel better because he had no idea he was screwing us both. That is supposed to make me feel better. No, it leaves me wondering when the axe will fall, yet again.
One thing I am very pleased with is realizing that this problem may affect me, but it doesn't involve me. Once, I believed if a message was presented in just the right way, it would sink in, find permanent residence in his consciousness. It leaves me in dismay, but no longer drives me to utter distraction. Perhaps because, as illogical as it seems, now I understand the root is totally off-the-charts gonzo.
It really helps to blog these moments. Doesn't change anything, but helps.
We are not doing the Craft Sale. Will check with Gretchen to see if it is okay if I do a cookie walk - if not, we will just cancel.
John has no concept of why he totally steps away from important conversations & requests. Tonight, it was him drawing one fantastic dragonfly to use for the Bryn Athyn Craft Sale & totally forgetting a) that I'd requested, many moons ago, three dragonflies or fantastic insects of his choosing and even b) that I'd requested it FOR the craft sale.
As John recalls, I asked him to draw the dragonfly, but he knew not why. Oh, no - he knew that I wanted it for the pale green frame. But not that I wanted it for the craft sale. Well, yes - he knew that I wanted him to do it so that we could sell the print of the dragonfly in the pale green frame, but he had no idea that I wanted to sell it at the Bryn Athyn Craft Sale, for which he had given me the check for the entrance feel two weeks ago.
He had no memory or at least any connection between my request & the craft sale. He had no memory or at least any connection between my many comments about the craft sale & him doing anything to sell there. He knew there was a craft sale & he knew that we were participating, that he would have the balk of the vendor space but he didn't make a connection between real life & the theoretical.
John has no idea why he has these massive disconnects. And he cannot change what he does without knowing. If he did it intentionally, there'd be some home of change.
The hard part on me isn't the being totally blown off when it really deeply profoundly matters, as in the situation with the craft sale. It's when he doesn't want to feel badly about utterly dissing me & expects me to be okay with it, to move forward with our plans for the craft sale - which I won't do - just so he can feel better about letting putting what he wanted to do (a drawing of a bassett hound with an expression he finds particularly appealing) totally & utterly eclipse what made actual financial sense. Even if he didn't draw the insects, he could have started Margo Langlotz' dogs, which are over two years late.
I am supposed to feel better because he had no idea he was screwing us both. That is supposed to make me feel better. No, it leaves me wondering when the axe will fall, yet again.
One thing I am very pleased with is realizing that this problem may affect me, but it doesn't involve me. Once, I believed if a message was presented in just the right way, it would sink in, find permanent residence in his consciousness. It leaves me in dismay, but no longer drives me to utter distraction. Perhaps because, as illogical as it seems, now I understand the root is totally off-the-charts gonzo.
It really helps to blog these moments. Doesn't change anything, but helps.
We are not doing the Craft Sale. Will check with Gretchen to see if it is okay if I do a cookie walk - if not, we will just cancel.
pleasure to meet JAMES WELLS
It's always felt an honor that the Rydal Park Current Event's discussion group has made me feel welcome, but it was never more a pleasure than today, when the community's interim director, JAMES WELLS, stopped by.
He was not anything that I expected. I'm not talking about what I saw or heard, but what I felt - my sense is that the man understands in ways it's hard to fake the depth & privilege of being where he is doing what he is for who he is. And that seriously took me aback. Was just not expecting it.
If I could have designed an executive director for a community like Rydal Park, someone who seemed a natural partner to Pastor Tom Summers, it would be the person who spoke this afternoon. Will take a night to let what he said & shared steep in my mind & heart, then share more of my off-the-bat impressions tomorrow.
Just the fact that the powers-that-be thinks this man would make a good head honcho at the community I love so well bodes well for the organization as a whole. Looking forward to getting to know James Wells!
(The fact he calls my beloved Hunterdon County home certainly doesn't hurt!!)
He was not anything that I expected. I'm not talking about what I saw or heard, but what I felt - my sense is that the man understands in ways it's hard to fake the depth & privilege of being where he is doing what he is for who he is. And that seriously took me aback. Was just not expecting it.
If I could have designed an executive director for a community like Rydal Park, someone who seemed a natural partner to Pastor Tom Summers, it would be the person who spoke this afternoon. Will take a night to let what he said & shared steep in my mind & heart, then share more of my off-the-bat impressions tomorrow.
Just the fact that the powers-that-be thinks this man would make a good head honcho at the community I love so well bodes well for the organization as a whole. Looking forward to getting to know James Wells!
(The fact he calls my beloved Hunterdon County home certainly doesn't hurt!!)
tweaked future
My apologies to Greg Brown for tweaking one of his lyrics. “I got an epic (not tiny little) future / And a great, big past,” sings to me.
Glad to have found Greg's release, “Hymns to What is Left” - glad someone is writing for his age, not cranking out something that could be written by one of his kids.
Especially like the Billings Gazette's description of the album - " is a stripped-down affair, with light back-up from longtime collaborator Bo Ramsey, along with some banjo, fiddle, mandolin and accordion."
Well worth a listen and, if you're my age, a linger.
Glad to have found Greg's release, “Hymns to What is Left” - glad someone is writing for his age, not cranking out something that could be written by one of his kids.
Especially like the Billings Gazette's description of the album - " is a stripped-down affair, with light back-up from longtime collaborator Bo Ramsey, along with some banjo, fiddle, mandolin and accordion."
Well worth a listen and, if you're my age, a linger.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
ever vigilant - and not in a good way
Just came across an interesting description - Even when they were talking about pleasant or mundane facets of
their relationships, they were prepared to attack and be attacked.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
power of writing a crowdfund request
After talking about it for a couple years, am putting together the FINAL draft of a crowdfund request asking for support underwriting my 2015 elder care anarchy efforts. Wasn't procrastinating - now is the right time, for so many reasons.
It's been a remarkable experience, one I highly recommend to anyone contemplating a major project. Writing it probably will do more to advance my goal than any other response. It helped galvanize the difference between what I want to do over the coming 12 months ~and~ what I am willing to give the time & energy & resources to do - a very big difference. It made me think about dorky things that would normally never have made my radar, like costs of copyrighting older2elder, The Velveteen Grammie, Cyber Access for the Technically Timid.
It turned something that felt sort of theoretical - a wish - into something tangible in my mind, something with edges & heft.
No one might respond to my request, yet it's primary use will have been served. I know, better than ever before, what I am after. Incredible power in that.
It's been a remarkable experience, one I highly recommend to anyone contemplating a major project. Writing it probably will do more to advance my goal than any other response. It helped galvanize the difference between what I want to do over the coming 12 months ~and~ what I am willing to give the time & energy & resources to do - a very big difference. It made me think about dorky things that would normally never have made my radar, like costs of copyrighting older2elder, The Velveteen Grammie, Cyber Access for the Technically Timid.
It turned something that felt sort of theoretical - a wish - into something tangible in my mind, something with edges & heft.
No one might respond to my request, yet it's primary use will have been served. I know, better than ever before, what I am after. Incredible power in that.
Monday, November 10, 2014
a very important thing...
"It's a very important thing to learn to talk to people you disagree with." Pete Seeger
And then find people who have done the same. Unfortunately, most people have not learned this particular skill. Most are highly suspect of anyone who says they want to discuss something, anything, on which there's disagreement.
In my experience, such situations end badly. Especially these days. Too many people see those who see things differently as hopelessly other. They tend to be on tenderhooks, waiting for you to show your true colors, to put something over on them because they were gullible enough to think you really wanted to hear their opinion & background.
My great ah ha! came when the light dawned with the realization that I need to speak my truth & stay open to hear others & to not let a response - theirs or mine - distract.
And then find people who have done the same. Unfortunately, most people have not learned this particular skill. Most are highly suspect of anyone who says they want to discuss something, anything, on which there's disagreement.
In my experience, such situations end badly. Especially these days. Too many people see those who see things differently as hopelessly other. They tend to be on tenderhooks, waiting for you to show your true colors, to put something over on them because they were gullible enough to think you really wanted to hear their opinion & background.
My great ah ha! came when the light dawned with the realization that I need to speak my truth & stay open to hear others & to not let a response - theirs or mine - distract.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Yes, the rumors are true
"Yes, the rumors are true -
I am an elder care anarchist,
dedicated to the overthrow of our nation's
abysmal culture around aging & the aged."
Finally. The first line of my gonna-finally-submit-it crowdfunding request. Looking for funds to underwrite my 2015 elder care activities & initiatives.
For way over two years, been talking about it & going through countless drafts. It couldn't be rushed, had to steep, as I refined & retrofitted my dream & what I aim to accomplish over the next twelve months, how it fits into the rest of my earthly forever getting more fully jelled.
Not "at last" or "finally" - the right moment.
This has got to be a short posting -
smoothie operator
Who is this woman who turns down a gin & tonic, instead offering a grannie smith-roasted yellow pepper-pineapple spear-mango-banana & coconut milk smoothie?
John's always been the fruits & veggies advocate; I was always the pulled pork & generously marbled beef fan. Now, I introduce him to luscious fruit/veg combos. He is over the moon.
Me? Having a fashion crisis. Am looking down at my now baggy favorite heather grey sweater & my black knit pants. The sweater I might be able to get away with to the end of the winter - maybe - but the pants are another matter, threatening to end at my ankles at any moment. (Learning the value to belts & ties, although my ties of my sweat pants are also nearing their last bit of effectiveness.)
We had faux spare ribs for supper, with noodles & generous helpings of my homemade Veg Pot. Sounds super healthy, except my optimum meal would contain NO processed foods, not even healthy ones. Currently having at least one day of all whole foods & nothing but whole foods.
People wonder if eating vegetarian is a great sacrifice. My body was NOT pleased when I went a bit off track, my late summer/early fall "mac & cheese and Scoogi's eggplant parm" period. Now, it's happy. Good lesson. Eat wisely & feel energized; eat thoughtlessly & feel sluggish.
Good bye stuff that doesn't lift me up. Hello, smoothie operator!
John's always been the fruits & veggies advocate; I was always the pulled pork & generously marbled beef fan. Now, I introduce him to luscious fruit/veg combos. He is over the moon.
Me? Having a fashion crisis. Am looking down at my now baggy favorite heather grey sweater & my black knit pants. The sweater I might be able to get away with to the end of the winter - maybe - but the pants are another matter, threatening to end at my ankles at any moment. (Learning the value to belts & ties, although my ties of my sweat pants are also nearing their last bit of effectiveness.)
We had faux spare ribs for supper, with noodles & generous helpings of my homemade Veg Pot. Sounds super healthy, except my optimum meal would contain NO processed foods, not even healthy ones. Currently having at least one day of all whole foods & nothing but whole foods.
People wonder if eating vegetarian is a great sacrifice. My body was NOT pleased when I went a bit off track, my late summer/early fall "mac & cheese and Scoogi's eggplant parm" period. Now, it's happy. Good lesson. Eat wisely & feel energized; eat thoughtlessly & feel sluggish.
Good bye stuff that doesn't lift me up. Hello, smoothie operator!
drugs & french toast
Reading a young friend's posting about studying drugs into the wee small hours with her M.D. dad for a med school test tomorrow - and how she woke up this morning to the smell of her parents making french toast for breakfast - got me thinking about the necessary & the unnecessary & the importance of grasping healthy order.
Doing the necessary BEFORE the unnecessary might seem like a total no brainer, but my reality was growing up with the opposite modeled in family behaviors. It's weirdly fun to be in my early sixties & really seeing that dynamic in full for the first time, seeing the challenge to reverse & right the problem as exciting, exhilarating. Using a metaphysical crow bar to pry out ingrained downer habits & replacing them with good better best ones.
Am reminded of a dresser my young friend's parents restored back when they were youngsters, stripping it down & refinishing it for use in their first child's nursery. What does it say that it's one of the most vivid moments I have of their long ago life at the end of the road, where Woodland meets Fettersmill? What they were doing - the how, the why - mattered to me. Just didn't know why.
Dave & Bethany studied meds until the early hours of this morning. The french toast came later.
New image in my mind to keep me getting things into healthy order - drugs & french toast. Unexpected - like life!
Doing the necessary BEFORE the unnecessary might seem like a total no brainer, but my reality was growing up with the opposite modeled in family behaviors. It's weirdly fun to be in my early sixties & really seeing that dynamic in full for the first time, seeing the challenge to reverse & right the problem as exciting, exhilarating. Using a metaphysical crow bar to pry out ingrained downer habits & replacing them with good better best ones.
Am reminded of a dresser my young friend's parents restored back when they were youngsters, stripping it down & refinishing it for use in their first child's nursery. What does it say that it's one of the most vivid moments I have of their long ago life at the end of the road, where Woodland meets Fettersmill? What they were doing - the how, the why - mattered to me. Just didn't know why.
Dave & Bethany studied meds until the early hours of this morning. The french toast came later.
New image in my mind to keep me getting things into healthy order - drugs & french toast. Unexpected - like life!
Interesting ah ha
As I put more attention on what I'm actually putting my attention on, it's increasingly clear that I've habitually spent less time being in the present moment with whatever it presents & WAY more time with what I hoped it would, hope it will. Spend a stunning short amount of time with what actually simply IS.
Freaky to hear all the voices that can be going on, layered, during a typical moment of my being. Massively & messily distracting.
At Friday's wonderful concert, found myself imagining what it would be like to JUST hear the music, not the music plus all the other stuff jamming my thoughts without even being aware. Just hear what's being played, just hear what's being said, just experience what's happening when its happening, just think a thought, just type a blog posting WITHOUT any other thing horning in on my attention.
Quirky - the more I put my attention on the present moment, the more I see how rarely I really & truly managed to do it all the way. Some interesting AH HA! moments along the way. Like realizing how much world events engulfs my thinking & how little getting the house vacuumed & the computer studio even registers.
Freaky to hear all the voices that can be going on, layered, during a typical moment of my being. Massively & messily distracting.
At Friday's wonderful concert, found myself imagining what it would be like to JUST hear the music, not the music plus all the other stuff jamming my thoughts without even being aware. Just hear what's being played, just hear what's being said, just experience what's happening when its happening, just think a thought, just type a blog posting WITHOUT any other thing horning in on my attention.
Quirky - the more I put my attention on the present moment, the more I see how rarely I really & truly managed to do it all the way. Some interesting AH HA! moments along the way. Like realizing how much world events engulfs my thinking & how little getting the house vacuumed & the computer studio even registers.
Friday, November 7, 2014
call to discussion
Although it went tragically unheeded, 9/11 was a call to discussion. Am realizing more & more that what happens in our lives - large & small scale, good & bad, but perhaps especially what feels like bad - is meant to provide fresh perspective, new awareness of even longtime ideas & ideals.
When the Republican party lost the presidency in both 2008 & 2012, their argument for blocking progressive legislation was that they spoke for the American people, not just the ones who voted. Now that they are firmly in control of both houses of Congress, the voter is all powerful, a sanctified entity whose will should not cannot will not be denied. Let the president roll over, the American voter has spoken, even if fewer of them voted than since the mid 1940s. Now that it's a Republican majority, it is sacrsanct.
Now, just a couple weeks ago, that would have riled me up. Instead, am finding myself draw to the need for a larger discussion, even if it's just among my Facebook friends. Should casting a vote give a person a greater say in what policies Congress pursues? Does the fact that voters overwhelmingly put the GOP in the driver's seat negate the 2012 presidential election that gave Barack Obama - again - the power of the presidency, including veto power?
These are questions that call out for deep consideration. As a people, we've gotten so used to going off half-cocked when triggered by events that it feels we've forgotten the concept of talking about things, about considering different angles, of striving for the larger view that illuminates our personal beliefs & deepest values.
The past six years deserve some consideration. They have been amazing. The election of the first African-American president, giving immediate rise to a an unparalleled coarsening of our American politics & the emergence of the Tea Party. The passing of the ACA & the backlash against Obamacare. Citizens United & rulings on gay marriage. And those are just a smattering.
With the arrival of the Tea Party, America's electorate has literally changed. Our national character seems to be changing, seems to be increasingly - and, in some quarters, intentionally - divisive & hostile.
Let us have a conversation with wide-ranging views. Let us act like the educated elite, now reviled where they were honored, that once helped the USA be a land of laws & reason. Let the last six years become a discussion about who we are, where we are going, and why. We might not reach agreement, but - done rightly - we will be more informed & able to work across our personal aisles.
When the Republican party lost the presidency in both 2008 & 2012, their argument for blocking progressive legislation was that they spoke for the American people, not just the ones who voted. Now that they are firmly in control of both houses of Congress, the voter is all powerful, a sanctified entity whose will should not cannot will not be denied. Let the president roll over, the American voter has spoken, even if fewer of them voted than since the mid 1940s. Now that it's a Republican majority, it is sacrsanct.
Now, just a couple weeks ago, that would have riled me up. Instead, am finding myself draw to the need for a larger discussion, even if it's just among my Facebook friends. Should casting a vote give a person a greater say in what policies Congress pursues? Does the fact that voters overwhelmingly put the GOP in the driver's seat negate the 2012 presidential election that gave Barack Obama - again - the power of the presidency, including veto power?
These are questions that call out for deep consideration. As a people, we've gotten so used to going off half-cocked when triggered by events that it feels we've forgotten the concept of talking about things, about considering different angles, of striving for the larger view that illuminates our personal beliefs & deepest values.
The past six years deserve some consideration. They have been amazing. The election of the first African-American president, giving immediate rise to a an unparalleled coarsening of our American politics & the emergence of the Tea Party. The passing of the ACA & the backlash against Obamacare. Citizens United & rulings on gay marriage. And those are just a smattering.
With the arrival of the Tea Party, America's electorate has literally changed. Our national character seems to be changing, seems to be increasingly - and, in some quarters, intentionally - divisive & hostile.
Let us have a conversation with wide-ranging views. Let us act like the educated elite, now reviled where they were honored, that once helped the USA be a land of laws & reason. Let the last six years become a discussion about who we are, where we are going, and why. We might not reach agreement, but - done rightly - we will be more informed & able to work across our personal aisles.
letting what comes up inform
INFORM - not incite. Be a mega arrow pointing to what is or what has been, what calls for increase or elimination. To reveal ways to begin, continue or stop letting its related energies conjoin with personal energies.
Every situation - especially the ones dogging my life since what feels like forever - has something to reveal. Feels like the ones that dog my path contain the most, have the greatest lessons waiting to be learned. That THEY keep coming up, in the varied or pathetically the same guises, because I persist in experiencing them as triggers rather than awareness exercises.
Praise be, at this moment in time, am feeling like a high school student who's after struggling with comprehending a gnarly concept feels a whoosh of relief as it comes clear, becomes a tool to use rather than something to beat over the head.
Been a long time coming, this AH HA! realization that everything, even the stinkiest, is given to us to inform & help. A key reason I got twisted up high school readings & assignments was making all of it into something scary that it wasn't & missing the usually quite simple, straightforward lesson it was.
Miss Wilde, "Aunt" Syl, Miss Morna, Mr. Brock, Mr. Sandstrom - just want you to know that it took almost 50 years, but got it. What comes up, whether what you struggled to teach me at the Academy or the life lessons of the past half century, is meant to inform - oh, and inspire, instigate, activate, to be fuel that keeps burning until each task at hand is won & done.
Every situation - especially the ones dogging my life since what feels like forever - has something to reveal. Feels like the ones that dog my path contain the most, have the greatest lessons waiting to be learned. That THEY keep coming up, in the varied or pathetically the same guises, because I persist in experiencing them as triggers rather than awareness exercises.
Praise be, at this moment in time, am feeling like a high school student who's after struggling with comprehending a gnarly concept feels a whoosh of relief as it comes clear, becomes a tool to use rather than something to beat over the head.
Been a long time coming, this AH HA! realization that everything, even the stinkiest, is given to us to inform & help. A key reason I got twisted up high school readings & assignments was making all of it into something scary that it wasn't & missing the usually quite simple, straightforward lesson it was.
Miss Wilde, "Aunt" Syl, Miss Morna, Mr. Brock, Mr. Sandstrom - just want you to know that it took almost 50 years, but got it. What comes up, whether what you struggled to teach me at the Academy or the life lessons of the past half century, is meant to inform - oh, and inspire, instigate, activate, to be fuel that keeps burning until each task at hand is won & done.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
How deeply do I want whatever?
Actually, that statement isn't original to me, although it certainly resounds within. It's a lift from Nancy Slonim Aronie, whose wondrous workshop circumstance made me miss last month.
And it goes to the heart of my present moment.
Accepting that what I deeply want is what I ultimately pursue. Always. If my life is less than uplifting awesome remarkable, it's because I deeply want something else.
What do I deeply want RIGHT NOW, in this current infinitesimal blip in cosmic reality? I want to connect to my process. The one that has been aching for DECADES to be recognized embraced actualized. Or maybe it's best tagged with befriended. Yes, I want to befriend it, to become buddies with my process. It's always been there, ready willing & able to be a recognized part of my team, eager to step up to the plate & hit 'em (whatever 'em they might be) out of the ball park.
And it goes to the heart of my present moment.
Accepting that what I deeply want is what I ultimately pursue. Always. If my life is less than uplifting awesome remarkable, it's because I deeply want something else.
Because what we deeply want
is what we pursue.
Always.
What do I deeply want RIGHT NOW, in this current infinitesimal blip in cosmic reality? I want to connect to my process. The one that has been aching for DECADES to be recognized embraced actualized. Or maybe it's best tagged with befriended. Yes, I want to befriend it, to become buddies with my process. It's always been there, ready willing & able to be a recognized part of my team, eager to step up to the plate & hit 'em (whatever 'em they might be) out of the ball park.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
spin cycle
As we prepared to leave a Center City restaurant with a grannie client, I explained to John that I would go ahead, get the car from the parking lot, meeting them at the well-lit, pavement entrance.
When the three of us went out onto the Chestnut Street sidewalk, I made sure he had her arm, then reinforced that while I would be walking briskly, there was no need for them to rush - I would pick up the car & meet them at the well-lit entrance.
When I had crossed the street, I looked back to where John & our older friend were, getting ready to cross the road. I looked straight at John, who looked straight at me, and said, very loudly & pointing very broadly to the pavement next to where I was standing, "I will meet your RIGHT here!" He smiled & shouted, "Okay."
Walking carefully, I made my way through the very dark, somewhat bumpy (but extremely conveniently located) parking to our car. Got in, turned on the ignition, slowly pulled out & turned right toward the Chestnut Street sidewalk.
Looking, ahead & to my right - no sign of John & my g.c. on the pavement. Startled, I looked over to my right, in the darkly lit parking lot. There, about 10 feet in, only viewable because my g.c.'s tan coat looked ghostly, were the two of them. Many feet from where I'd indicated.
We went through the usual drill. John hadn't heard what I said. It wasn't that he hadn't heard what I'd said, but that he hadn't seen my gesture. It wasn't that he hadn't seen my gesture but that my grannie client had insisted on walking into the darkly lit parking lot & he was powerless to stop her.
Every reason in the world except the one that I suspect is the truth - what I said, what I gestured, just wasn't processed. He LOOKED like it had been heard, his response gave the impression he'd HEARD what I'd said, I certainly had repeated myself - at least three times - to feel some assurance that THIS time my message was not only heard but received processed understood.
But John is a lazy thinker. Has been since we first fell in love. He just doesn't bother making all the connections. It can be experienced in a variety of ways, but they all boil down to him not investing enough energy for the message - whatever it might be - to register. Because of that, he forgets. Or he hears, but is already focused on doing something that doesn't really click with the request.
From almost our very first days, there's been one thing almost above all others that I've known in the depths of my soul, the very sinew of my being - John would do anything for me... as long as it is convenient. As long as it doesn't require him going outside his comfort zone. As long as he doesn't have to think.
It might be a guy thing, or peculiar to John, but it's been prevalent since forever. My problem with it isn't that he is blowing me off & that he doesn't listen to me - it's that the hallmark trait has put me at risk, tonight put a grannie client at risk. I wanted to pick them up RIGHT there, because anywhere further into the parking lot posed potential dangers to an elderly woman who could easily trip & fall in the dark.
John went through all the different scenarios for why they walked into the parking lot. Each time one didn't quite hold water, he came up with another. Finally, it wasn't him at all - it was the GRANNIE CLIENT who dun it, he just followed.
Ah, the litany of possibilities. It was my fault - he didn't see me, he didn't hear me, he thought I'd just indicated a general "here," he didn't realize what I meant by "right here." It was my g.c's fault - she was the one who ventured, solo, ten feet into the garage, with him following. My comment in the restaurant, on the restaurant sidewalk giving a play-by-play of what I would be doing to ensure a simple, safe pick up - looked like they were registering, but didn't.
When things go awry, whether minor or major, John almost always (I praise any aberations) goes directly into spin cycle, keeping at it with amazing persistence & creativity until he latches onto a story that either satisfies him or leaves him so confused he safely doesn't have a clue what any of it was about.
Whew!
Imagine investing those energies into recognizing the situation, seeing the problem, realizing his role in it (blessedly clear this time), and addressing it so that it doesn't come up yet again.
The reality is that there's nothing I can do about a problem that isn't mine. Can continue doing what I did tonight - based on previous experience & requests from John - which is to give the same key message multiple times, in different formats or modes if at all possible. Looking back over tonight, can't think of a thing that could have been done differently in order to get a better outcome.
I could get all in a lather & go into a spin of self-hatred & loathing, or I can realize that... hey, I gave it my best shot. Does the spin doctor leave me constantly vulnerable to the consequences of his not taking the whatever to process what I say? Absolutely. But tain't nothin' I can do about it, other than my best.
Wow - amazing, how liberating it is, realizing, "Hey, kiddo - ya gave it your bes shot. In this situation, your husband, the spin doctor, is a putz."
When the three of us went out onto the Chestnut Street sidewalk, I made sure he had her arm, then reinforced that while I would be walking briskly, there was no need for them to rush - I would pick up the car & meet them at the well-lit entrance.
When I had crossed the street, I looked back to where John & our older friend were, getting ready to cross the road. I looked straight at John, who looked straight at me, and said, very loudly & pointing very broadly to the pavement next to where I was standing, "I will meet your RIGHT here!" He smiled & shouted, "Okay."
Walking carefully, I made my way through the very dark, somewhat bumpy (but extremely conveniently located) parking to our car. Got in, turned on the ignition, slowly pulled out & turned right toward the Chestnut Street sidewalk.
Looking, ahead & to my right - no sign of John & my g.c. on the pavement. Startled, I looked over to my right, in the darkly lit parking lot. There, about 10 feet in, only viewable because my g.c.'s tan coat looked ghostly, were the two of them. Many feet from where I'd indicated.
We went through the usual drill. John hadn't heard what I said. It wasn't that he hadn't heard what I'd said, but that he hadn't seen my gesture. It wasn't that he hadn't seen my gesture but that my grannie client had insisted on walking into the darkly lit parking lot & he was powerless to stop her.
Every reason in the world except the one that I suspect is the truth - what I said, what I gestured, just wasn't processed. He LOOKED like it had been heard, his response gave the impression he'd HEARD what I'd said, I certainly had repeated myself - at least three times - to feel some assurance that THIS time my message was not only heard but received processed understood.
But John is a lazy thinker. Has been since we first fell in love. He just doesn't bother making all the connections. It can be experienced in a variety of ways, but they all boil down to him not investing enough energy for the message - whatever it might be - to register. Because of that, he forgets. Or he hears, but is already focused on doing something that doesn't really click with the request.
From almost our very first days, there's been one thing almost above all others that I've known in the depths of my soul, the very sinew of my being - John would do anything for me... as long as it is convenient. As long as it doesn't require him going outside his comfort zone. As long as he doesn't have to think.
It might be a guy thing, or peculiar to John, but it's been prevalent since forever. My problem with it isn't that he is blowing me off & that he doesn't listen to me - it's that the hallmark trait has put me at risk, tonight put a grannie client at risk. I wanted to pick them up RIGHT there, because anywhere further into the parking lot posed potential dangers to an elderly woman who could easily trip & fall in the dark.
John went through all the different scenarios for why they walked into the parking lot. Each time one didn't quite hold water, he came up with another. Finally, it wasn't him at all - it was the GRANNIE CLIENT who dun it, he just followed.
Ah, the litany of possibilities. It was my fault - he didn't see me, he didn't hear me, he thought I'd just indicated a general "here," he didn't realize what I meant by "right here." It was my g.c's fault - she was the one who ventured, solo, ten feet into the garage, with him following. My comment in the restaurant, on the restaurant sidewalk giving a play-by-play of what I would be doing to ensure a simple, safe pick up - looked like they were registering, but didn't.
When things go awry, whether minor or major, John almost always (I praise any aberations) goes directly into spin cycle, keeping at it with amazing persistence & creativity until he latches onto a story that either satisfies him or leaves him so confused he safely doesn't have a clue what any of it was about.
Whew!
Imagine investing those energies into recognizing the situation, seeing the problem, realizing his role in it (blessedly clear this time), and addressing it so that it doesn't come up yet again.
The reality is that there's nothing I can do about a problem that isn't mine. Can continue doing what I did tonight - based on previous experience & requests from John - which is to give the same key message multiple times, in different formats or modes if at all possible. Looking back over tonight, can't think of a thing that could have been done differently in order to get a better outcome.
I could get all in a lather & go into a spin of self-hatred & loathing, or I can realize that... hey, I gave it my best shot. Does the spin doctor leave me constantly vulnerable to the consequences of his not taking the whatever to process what I say? Absolutely. But tain't nothin' I can do about it, other than my best.
Wow - amazing, how liberating it is, realizing, "Hey, kiddo - ya gave it your bes shot. In this situation, your husband, the spin doctor, is a putz."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)