Building my own "Field of Dreams"

I'm a forever fan of the film, Field of Dreams.  

If you build it, he will come. 

The voice in the field inspires an "every man" disbelieving believer to do the unthinkable.  Each time Ray's beckoned to do yet another genuinely incredible thing, he does.  Lives are touched, changed, expanded along the way.  And in the end, the person who was meant to have his pain healed turns out to be Ray!

That's how it worked for me, collaborating with friends out at the Laurel Church Camp, with Frank & Louise Rose and Nathan Gladish out in Tucson, with my awesome niece in Australia on my sister's online memorial tribute.  Every step of the way felt like an outside force directed it.   

It wasn't  produced by us, but through us.  

All I did was what I did with our wedding - figure out which people would be ideal to be part of it, then more or less let them do their thing.  I suggested songs to the folks out at Laurel, shared with Frank & Louise my hope that their tribute would be like a conversation between two of Mim's most cherished friends, had just a couple minor tweaks to Karen's finished product.   

My brothers & I are forever indebted to the folks at Cairnwood Village for letting us use their social room to share the video tribute with a circle of Mim's friends & fans.  It was ideal.

Must admit to feeling a tad down waiting there for people to arrive.  My oldest brother had planned on attending, but had to miss it due to circumstances outside his control.  There would be NO family there to support each other.

All it took was for the first people to arrive - Penny, Gray, Lark - for me to realize, "My, gosh - THEY are family!"  That was how it felt with arrival after arrival - another family member joining us.  And then there were all the ones I wished could be there, written on a piece of paper carried in my pocket.

The tribute & the sharing of memories afterwards at Cairnwood Village & more at the party that followed down at Bryn Ellis reflected exactly what I'd hoped for, even if I hadn't expressed it in my mind - a loving yet unsentimental celebration of a remarkable yet unimaginably complex person.  

We hadn't planned on doing an online tribute for Mim.  To the best of my knowledge, my sister had never discussed with anyone what she wanted in a memorial service.  I asked a friend of her's to find out which ministers she'd like to give her memorial service, which I envisioned would be held in her hometown church.  The one minister she mentioned is retired & no longer does memorials.  Well-meaning friends recommended a minister "who does lovely memorials," but had little to no experience with or knowledge of Mim.

The fact was that the BEST minister to give her service was retired (sort of) & living in Tucson.  It helped that I've been steeped in the potential computer-based communication since the mid-1990s.  Working online has been part of my life for over 25 years, so I guess it was a no-brainer for me to think "YouTube!"

Mim passed in early July.  Those closest to her knew how much the Laurel Church Camp meant to her, how events & moments there changed her life.  Knowing that it was happening later in July, it was another no-brainer to ring them into Mim's memorial video, recording the prelude & postlude.  But I couldn't anticipate how it would hit me, watching the joyful singing, to see the throng included people especially near & dear to her, especially one who did so much to help my sister literally get a life.

Frank & Louise Rose, out in Tucson, gave a memorial tribute that went beyond anything I'd hoped it might be.  I love the setting, that the Bible was open, perched atop the Sunrise Chapel's natural stone altar, that Frank opened with readings from the 3-fold Word, that he & Louise spoke of their experiences with & of Mim with such love & affection.  

Karen did a beautiful job closing the tribute, showing just one picture of Mim, taken when she was around 2 1/2 or 3, so happy, with the many names my sister went by over the years, ending with simply Mim, followed by a sampling of her artwork, especially powerful since so few people knew she was a gifted artist.

The party down at Bryn Ellis was just right.  It was heart-felt generous of Shannon, a friend of Mim's through Star, to let us use her beautiful home for my sister's last party.  Praise be for intentionally doing a flock of cast parties over the past few years, which left me able to do a nice spread without a lot of effort.  Mega thanks to both Lisa & Shannon & Helen for doing the final touches!  In tribute to Mim, I made a mac & cheese that turned out to be a personal best.  We had her favorite dips & nibbles - only sorry the supermarket hadn't put out the star cookies dipped in chocolate with white sprinkles that were especially dear to her heart! 

I like to think that Mim would have approved.  The tender-hearted sphere of the tribute continued throughout the party.  Matted prints of Mim's artwork were hung throughout the socializing areas.  In every way possible, the focus was on celebrating her.

The big surprise was its affect on me, something I didn't see coming.  As we shared memories & moments with Mim, it was a special joy to watch the faces as people who knew her well were surprised by this amazing thing she'd done in her life, then that.   

The biggest surprise was right after the online tribute closed.  One of Mim's dearest friends suggested sharing memories of Mim right then, rather than later at Bryn Ellis.  And she would start.  I did not expect what followed.

The friend talked about Mim, shared a few wonderful moments & impressions of my older sister.  Then she said something that stunned me, because it had never ever been said - that Mim was tough as nails.  And she clearly didn't mean that simply in a "fiercely resilient" sense.  Someone acknowledged that my sister could be breathtakingly mean.  I was in shock.  All these years, all these years - someone was speaking the truth, speaking it with love caring compassion as I always had.  The friend literally looked at me & wondered how I'd born it all those years.  

It is still somewhat shocking to me.  That someone else could speak what should have been an impossible to miss truth that my own family found impossible to see, let alone state.  That someone else could share difficult, even tragic, truth about someone without it making her love Mim any less.  Seeing people as they seem to be rather than as we want them to be has always been to me the only way to love others.  Here was someone who felt the same, who could speak a hard truth about Mim without feeling harshly toward her.  
 
I started out writing this posting about how Mim's tribute unexpectedly healed my pain, but - as I write - am feeling more & more like Doc Graham.  Two things he said - about how the tragedy would have been if he'd only gotten to be a doctor for five minutes & how it was always a dream of his not to just play in a major league game, but to savor the experience of it -  "To stare down a big league pitcher. To stare him down, and just as he goes into his windup, wink. Make him think you know something he doesn't. That's what I wish for. Chance to squint at a sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it. To feel the tingling in your arm as you connect with the ball. To run the bases — stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag."

Doc Graham would get to realize part of his dream, but not all.  And that was enough for him, it soul-satisfied him to experience any of it.  It was just as magical for me to hear someone - out of the blue - speak a hard truth about my sister, for the friend to give a tip of her hat to how it must have affected me through the years.  

Doc Graham got his chance to stare down a big league pitcher, to give him a wink just as the pitcher went into his windup, to squint at an Iowa sky so blue it hurt his eyes just looking at it.  But he never ran the bases or wrapped his arms around the 3rd base bag.  Life stepped it.  

 

I got to hear someone speak something I'd longed to hear for most of my lifetime.  I didn't get to be close to my sister, who kept me in our later years at arm's length, didn't get to realize my dream of a healthy family, but - like Doc Graham - by the time we cleared up after the party I'd heard things I thought as impossible as he had considered ever having that one blissful at bat.  

If you build it, he will come.  Go the distance.  Heal the pain.  My gosh, in following the intuitive leads that directed where to go with Mim's memorial celebration, I got to experience all of those!   

Doc Graham tells Ray, "You know we just don't recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they're happening. Back then I thought, well,  there'll be other days. I didn't realize that that was the only day. "   

November 29, 2015 was my only day. Am heartfelt glad I got to recognize it as it happened, because there'll never be another day.  Just a lot of full-hearted living.  

Because of one person speaking the truth, realizing - as I always have - it's possible to see a harsh reality in someone without feeling harshly toward the person, I am freed to thank my sister for going through all the trials, tribulations & triumphs, which she experienced with such pain, that helped teach me so much.  

The field was a fresh start for Ray & his family.  He gave up trying to be someone he was clearly not cut out to be - a farmer.  Instead, he could help others realize their own deepest dreams. 

Ending writing this posting feeling less like Doc Graham & more like Terrence Mann.  Terrence tells Ray, "There is something out there, Ray, and if I have the courage to go through with this, what a story it'll make."  

It's time to leave the past in the past, leave behind hopes & dreams of things that never were, time to increase my efforts to make my own dream & deepest purpose a reality, to do it with love & thanks to all who helped get me to this here & now.  And with the unfailing belief that if I build it, people will  come, my life will be bigger fuller more astonishing. THAT is magical!