So my bro

Where my relationship with Mim took a serious downturn once she got her Masters, my relationship with Peter had long been rocky.  After Mom passed, both became virtually non-existent.  Praise be, things changed over the past four years. 

Mim & I partnered to develop a “post office”  relationship –  limited to cards, notes & letters.  Nothing that came close to actual personal contact, not even phone calls.  And our topics were  always limited to past, not current, events. 

My attempts to connect with Peter had come to naught.  Then, this past December, I had a strong sense that Ian would want me to make a fresh try - he was always Peter’s boy, his death a blow to his beloved older brother.   

 

Rapprochement  started with dropping off Chinese food from Peter’s favorite take-out place, then built from there. 

The unusual relationship that’s developed over the past months  was perfectly captured yesterday in a shopping outing.   

Per usual, Peter tagged his request  onto a call that opened with him complimenting me on something.   One of these days, Peter will call to say something nice to me WITHOUT tagging on a request.  Hasn’t happened yet, but am always hopeful . 

Our outing was classic.  We took a long rambly route from Norristown all the way to Cardinal Camera in Lansdale so Peter could get a photo scanned & printed. That location was closed, so off we went to their Montgomery Mall store.   

Per usual, Peter  talked – in detail – about things that happened over fifty years ago.  Nothing  current.  All stories from years past.  Endlessly. 

And it didn’t bother me!   Yes, it was jolly weird, but it no longer rankled my soul that it was all about him. 

When  he suggested heading to a great spot in Telford to get hoagies, I had to regretfully decline.   Sunday is date night at Squirrel Haven.  John & I get take out, then sup all comfy cozy on the couch, listening to Prairie Home Companion.  

When I got to, “…is date night at Squirrel Haven,”  Peter cut me off.  Not surprised.  On the entire drive, he hadn’t asked a single question like “How are you doing?” or “Has John finished his latest commission?”    If it’s not about or to him, Peter's energies just aren’t there.  Thus it has always been.

Praise be, I’m different.  What once would have wounded, now helps.  Hearing in the now what I grew up with feels healing instead of hurtful.   Hearing the repetition of stories from years past helps me understand my challenges developing into an effective conversationalist like John.   I am great at opening discussion, but John can move it forward.  Am improving, but it helps to realize what hobbled me for so many years.  Who, other than family, are interested in hearing about unknown people & events from years past?

Peter, like Mim, is typically an engaging conversationalist, well informed & entertaining.  Just not with me.  No idea why.  Could be as simple as wildly different communication expectations patterns styles. 

What joy to arrive home NOT emotionally drained, as I’d feared, but  feeling uplifted light-hearted SMILING.  Any time I go on an outing with Peter & don’t come home feeling diminished is cause for celebration!    Peter got his shopping done, I had a good time.   A year ago, who’da thunk it?

One thing I know for sure – Ian’s smiling.