My sister is in the hospital. As she tells it, her doctors hold out no hope for a recovery. John, my brother & I visited her on Friday (she is a distance away - we are outside Philadelphia & she's at the Jersey Shore). It's been tough describing her to friends who ask, "How is she doing?" I've described her as showing grace & humor, coming up with running gags with staff & generally being a hoot. But an article I just spotted from AARP just gave me the perfect answer - "She's showing her usual true grit."
Mim looks like a very ill 30-something, not someone over 71. Nothing about her says "older person." She is young. And for all the 63 years I've known her, she's always has remarkable grit, a quality that serves all of us, but perhaps no one as much as it does the aging aged elderly.
Tenacity, perseverance, resilience - the underpinnings of GRIT. Throughout her life, my sister has shown all three. Once she focuses on a goal she wants to achieve, she sticks with it until its done.
Mim has a remarkable level of determination & self-control, two qualities I've long admired in her & wished were more mine. She knows what she wants & pursues it. Quietly, relentlessly. Even now, she doesn't have the energy to pin the doctors down & get them to do what she wants, but she lets us know. Seriously ill, she retains incredible inner stamina. That's grit.
Angela Duckworth, who knows a thing or two about the topic, says, “Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. It's living life like it's a marathon, not a sprint.” Christine Whelan, a consumer science professor at the University of Wisconsin - Madison, describes grit as, "Getting yourself through the hard stuff right now because you perceive there will be a meaningful outcome at the end."
Mim models that however many or few moments we might have left, we can always look toward a meaningful outcome at the end of our moment-to-moment efforts. She has a lot of hard stuff right now - and the tenacity, perseverance & resilience to work with & through it.
My sister continues to leave me in awe at what she accomplishes when she sets her mind to it.
- She received her bachelor's degree from New York University in her late 30s, a pioneer student in what was then an experimental program for non-traditional students - she commuted (from Philadelphia!) three nights a week for the first year, two the second, and the third was as needed. In her 40s, she received her MSW from Rutgers University. How she balanced school & related costs & living expenses, I never knew. But she did. That took grit.
- Mim was such an exceptional volunteer with autistic children, she was officially recognized for it by the New Jersey legislature - with a very official & grand proclamation to prove it. That took grit.
- When I was little, she coached a boys' football squad, organized several clubs for us neighborhood kids, single-handed put on fabulous 3-night camps in our backyard. A hard fast rule was that NO ONE was allowed to go home during camp, even if you lived right next door. No exceptions, unless you cleared it first with Mim. That gave us all a sense of really being away. That took grit.
- To this day, people come up to me to say how much Mim changed their lives, teaching them how to study, how to apply themselves to getting a project planned & completed. She taught them grit.
- Where I work best in a group setting, Mim works best one-on-one. One-on-one, she's worked with autistic children & their families. One-on-one, she helps her friends see their gifts & graces. One-on-one, she stays connected to her core famiy - by birth & of the heart. That takes grit.
Right now, Mim faces challenges beyond my imagination. One thing I know for sure - she's bringing her trademark true grit to each moment. She will, once again, set the bar for tenacity, perseverance & resilience. The grit that got her through being a unique houseparent to kindergartners & first graders at Girard College (K-12), taking them to a friend's farm in the country for an overnight, introducing them to projects & flat-out silliness they'd never experienced before & I'm sure have never forgotten. That helped her be a second mother & invaluable friend to so many children in so many places. That made her an anchor for so many people facing challenging situations & heartbreaking times. All the qualities that make her MIM.
Even now, with all she's going through, she embodies grit.
They might not ever make a movie about Mim - but, then again, they might. Maybe, no one will write a book about her - but, then again, they might. She might be only known to a relative handful of people - but to us, she is unforgettable, embodying determination & action, tenacity perseverance resilience. A woman with true grit.
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