Everyone in her own way

It was quite the shock the other week to realize how often, as an adult, people would ask me to tamp down something I was doing because "it made other people look bad" in comparison, that they couldn't/didn't want to do it to the same degree.  Never understood that back then, still don't.  

Back then, I felt like I'd done something wrong, that less was the better road to take but my problem was not knowing what less looked like.  Now, I do.  

Less, when it comes to the gatherings after Sunday service, looks & tastes like what we had yesterday - a lovely variety of fresh cut fruit, a nice selection of cheese & crackers, yummy homemade chocolate chip cookies.  The perfect spread for that occasion.  On an regular Sunday, less is just right.  That's why I always signed up for Sundays right before a special holiday.  That way, I felt free to go over the top.  Sundays like June 21 - Father's Day.

This year marked the 43rd anniversary of Dad's passing.  John's dad died equally young - both were only 63.  It will feel GREAT putting out a spread of what I envision as "guy food" - deviled eggs, cream cheese with a layer of pepper jelly, cupcakes, 7-layer dip, cheese & crackers, gluten-free chocolate chip cookies, hoagie dip in corn chip cups.  After that, am taking at least a year off.  It seems that some people take my exuberance as setting too high a bar.  Never thought of it as a competition.  

I'd trade in doing splendiferous spreads for what I don't have - people to fuss over, to cook for, to plan parties around.  Over the past few years, my community has stood in for my family, family distanced from me in more than just miles.  Impossible to describe how it felt to have a party to plan every Christmas, to know that I'd be making heart-shaped goodies in honor of Valentine's Day, that Easter didn't have to be a lonely Sunday, that I could fold in honoring Mom's 05/14 birthday with whatever I did for Mother's Day.

Yes, it felt like an arrow to my heart when Erik implored more people to sign up for the after-church goodies, pointing out, "Come on - this is NOT a competition."  Which, clearly, some people think it is.

For years & years, back in the days first I, then John & I put on big fun parties, people didn't hesitate telling me that they'd NEVER think of inviting me to their parties, because "they aren't on par with yours."  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!  For years & years, I didn't have a circle of close friends like I've developed after marrying John.  Entertaining was my one sure way to be with people, since I wasn't on their invitation radar.  I didn't do it to snag return invitations - most entertained small scale, cozy dinners with family & truly close friends.  I put on big smasheroo parties because I love celebrations - the bigger, the better.

Right now, I am gearing up to put on another cast party for Bryn Athyn Community Theater.  Over the past three seasons, I've put on spreads & beverages for big casts & small, have put them on in the very unsocial Mitchell Performing Arts Center (never again!) & in a variety of welcoming homes.  The reason for doing so many was to put together suggestions for people doing future parties to use if they need a guide.  

Most people don't appreciate all that I get from putting on the after-church spread or a cast party.  Over the past few years, I've learned organizational skills that slipped past me in earlier years.  

• I've learned how to improvise when it turned out the congregation was double what I'd expected or discovered that a play ended 45 minutes before I expected.  
• That cast members who have put on a matinee & an evening performance are torn between hunger & exhaustion.  
• That Charter Day weekend after-church crowds linger for a long time but DON'T eat a lot of food (too busy catching up with out of town family & friends.)
  To ask questions, to proactively seek information I don't know I need.  
• How to lay out my kitchen to maximize my prep, when it's close enough to the event to start buying food on sale,  how to ask for help rather than tackling it all myself.  
• Discovered the value of checking out the venue days before the event, to have an understanding with the hosts about what's needed in terms of fridge space, how to work the oven, where the trash is thrown.  
• To let go of having to put out the food after church & let Nora handle it, so I can sit with John. 
• And more, much more.

In so many ways, doing after-church spreads & B-Act cast parties helped me become more responsible, brought out traits & taught skills that eluded me in my first half century.  One advantage of doing the cast parties has been clearing out my fridge at least twice a year! 

For everything learned & experienced, I am most grateful.  

But - as of 06/13 & 06/21 - I'm taking a break.  

With the cast party, the proof of my success won't be found in any present or past event, but in whether or not I put together a Cast Party 1.0 Guide for others to use, adapt, add to.  And I've learned the value of an extra pair of hands, so will be quick to help the party head, if she or he needs any. 

Everyone's taking a break from the after-church food spreads - by the end of June, they're on summer hiatus.  Next year, look forward to having a lovely piece of fruit or a carrot chip with hummus, maybe even indulge in a homemade cookie (this vegetarian is doing her best to be dairy-free, too).

There is no regret, not even over having people once again experience what I do as socially intimidating.  Hey, I'm a gal who always has & always will love celebrations, always has & always will go out of my way to nurture anything that moves.  It's time for me to redirect those energies (and money - those church spreads sometimes cost a pretty penny) in new directions.

There is a wonderful illustration about what needs to be done before we can move on with something new - we need to empty out the old tea before we can pour a fresh, invigorating cup.  The old tea didn't do anything wrong - it's just time for it to go & something new to arrive.  

My heartfelt thanks to everyone associated with the after-church spreads, especially Nora Alden Cooper, who made is so easy.  You are a gem, dear friend.  And to all the hosts & all the helping hands  - especially Jennifer & Shada - who made throwing B-Act cast parties such a grand time.  

And thank you to Erik for his comments  - on two different Sundays - about people feeling pressured outside of their comfort zone, who viewed the spread as a competition rather than an occasion for joy & fellowship.  Those words were the Universe speaking, saying, "Time to move on."  

So, I am.  With a happy heart, memories of great & grand times, looking forward to the next celebration.  And a clean fridge!