impossible to imagine

Not sure what's more impossible to imagine - the difference in Mom's life before her father died & after ~ or ~ the fact that question only just occurred to me.

Mom never said a negative word about what it was like, in her late teens, to go from living in a home based 4-square around the loving teachings of her father's faith to the stern, strict Methodist home of her maternal grandfather.  

While I know for sure she had tender feelings toward her grandfather, William Wolf Davis, there's no getting around his household reflected the tenets of his faith - no cards, no dancing, no alcohol.  Not that the Reynolds house was know for poker-playing, Charleston dancing, bath tub-gin swilling - but it reflected her music-loving, fun father.  

Never hit me as hard as it did this morning - when her father died, when she was 19, so did her light-hearted home life.  And she never griped or moaned or grieved over her lost.  She carried on.  She carried on caring for a grandfather who deserved her devoted attention & for a mother who demanded it.  

Wow.

Have always been aware of my mother's heart-crushing history ~ the death of her deeply beloved father, the impact of being left as the primary (later sole) caregiver for her mother, Gran's sociopathic behaviors that did unimaginable damage to her children, particularly to Mom, whose way of coping with it was to make it okay, a defensive trait that would take her seventy years to move past.  

Had always known all that.  It helped me be there for her, in spite of pretty awesome challenges, after my own father died in my early twenties. 

But had never thought about the shock of going from family life in her father's household to the harsh strictures of her grandfather's.  

Small wonder Mom set out to create a loving, tender & caring home with Dad.  Makes me appreciate even more all she did for her own family & be even more sympathetic with the "why" behind her resistance to recognizing & working to resolve our own difficult family issues.  Leaves me in even greater awe that she was, finally, able to see harsh situations without feeling helpless.

Going to be pondering this for a while...