For all that has been, Thanks. To all that shall be, YES.
At some unknown time, by some unknown baddie, my sense of productive process was swiped filched stolen. Now, what anyone could possibly do with my sense of process is anyone's guess. My best stab is that some malicious sprite, out to do dastardly deeds, snatched it.
Got beyond merely sighing over my pilfered process after my first reading of Nancy Slonim Aronie's book, Writing from the Heart. There, on page 117, was my first clue to tracking down & reclaiming my long-lost sense of process!
What a stunner, discovering I'm not the only one with a long-gone process, that a beyond-brilliant goddess, one of my Earth Angels had her's snatched, too! Have to share it, in case yours was pilfered, too. (Instead of doing my best to recapture the sparks of what she said, am going to share each word, because it says everything of my reality.)
Two terrific people!
And that's when I decided to take a closer look at my non-relationship with process. It wasn't the first time I ever connected to my feeling ~~ about my lack of discipline, my reticence to try new things, my struggle with sticking to things ~~ and the meaning of process. It was the first time I was ready to look at it & not look away.
Process was what my husband was always in the middle of. He was practicing juggling three balls, and he was in the process of learning four. He knew how to play a simple waltz on his violin; now he was in the process of learning a more complicated piece.
Process was a foreign language to me. I was attracted to it. I knew I wanted more, but I wanted it immediately and wanted it easily - the very antithesis of process. With process, there's no such thing as instant or easy. This was tough, although I now understand that there is work that is worth tough. I had to want something bad enough, and I had to see process up close & personal to begin to get it. "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly" is the bottom rung of process.
Process is not something you can teach, but it is something you can learn. Process is not the part we hear about. Product is up on the marquee, but process is the blood, sweat & tears that put your name up there.
The problem is, I never fantasized about the process; I fantasized about opening night: What will I wear? How will I do my hair? Who will come? What will the reviews be like?
I never had the fantasy of sitting at my desk writing. I never thought, "Hmm... my chair will be green & the light in the room will be warm & the music I put on when I'm writing will be Miles Davis."
Process is intangible & unteachable. It happens all by itself, but you have to start somewhere. It's sort of like the Magic Eye, those 3-dimensional art games that have me frustrated from the minute someone whips one out. I am sitting there, trying so hard to "get it" without working at it. Or I am working too hard, without the letting go. Process is about balance.
Process doesn't have to come from some high-minded, God-inspired epiphany. It can come from as simple a place as I want to do this. It can come from as low as the ego crying for its long overdue due.
Credits:
objectplastic.com
123rf.com
stereogum.com
wordharbinger.com
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