Pondering what to say at the gathering at Shannon Good's following the screening of Mim's memorial tribute. Hopefully, John will handle the thank you comments, freeing me to focus on sharing personal moments & thoughts.
It was - until the wee small hours of this morning - rather daunting, thinking of what to say and, even more importantly, what not to. Then, remembered something that whisked away all cares.
Many years ago, the parent of good friends died. At the gathering after the memorial service, person after person commented on her goodness, on what a caring parent she was, at what a devoted mother she'd been. Mim looked around the room, at the children, who seemed uneasy, each doing his or her version of shifting from side to side.
One person, the oldest son, stood up & did the unimaginable - he told the truth. While acknowledging his mother had meant well, she'd been a disastrous parent, had mangled her children's lives, had been a terrible amalgamation of distant & in their faces. Mim looked around the children, who now seemed relaxed, listening intently, some even nodding.
Mim never forgot that experience. She often mentioned it, talked about the importance of being kind but honest in such situations. The older guests were shocked, she admitted, but the children were grateful that someone was willing to honor the woman who actually existed, not just an ideal that anyone could admire. It didn't make the mother less, just made her real.
I will remember that when I make my comments about Mim - to be kind but honest, to honor the woman who actually existed, not simply an ideal that anyone could admire.
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