A camel is a horse...

Even as a little girl, I knew that Allan Sherman was one of the most brilliant, creative minds on the face of this & any other planet.  It was his epic appearance with the Boston Pops – debuting his weep-with-laughter, Peter & the Commissar – that first introduced me to the adage, “A camel is a horse that was designed by a committee.”

Was reminded of that on Friday, at the tag end of the book-keeping son of our now former client/currently pro bono & forever beloved friend explaining that all decisions related to his elderly mother were made en familia, usually via conference call.  Figuring out next best steps within their well-intentioned yet uninformed circle (aka committee) ~ ~  without benefit of, say, a Michelle Seitzer, someone available for anyone, anywhere to tap into extensive "coaching counseling connecting" knowledge of eldercare issues & solutions. 

Can't find fault with their sincere concern for their mater.  And I feel for their inner turmoil.  Most youngers in our age-atrocious culture ~ with its rampantly ageist, basically clueless aging upward attitudes ~ feel isolated & powerless when it comes to coping with a beloved parent dealing with the challenges of being closer to 100 than fifty. 

Youngers - particularly those in their early forties to middish fifties - tend to see the fragility, the increased dependency on others as a fate worse than death.  As they read my 90+ year old mother's description of experiencing that those very things, they struggle to believe that the more debilitated her body became, the more she realized she was NOT her body, that one day she would take it off as one does an old glove, nothing more.

I gave the sibs Michelle's contact info ~ michelleseitzer.com ~ but didn't come away from the discussion with much hope they'll reach out, open up their little circle of big hearted, limited sight children to in-the-know outside support. 

When I recommend a Michelle Seitzer or one of the wildly gifted elder support friends right here in my little hometown (living treasures!), folks can seem ruffled - what sort of resource am I, if not to DO those things?''

Because I can't.  Never knew any elderly friends or family.  Nor did John.  Mom was 90+ when she was reunited with her O! Best Beloved.  John's was 87 when she slipped from us.  Their close friends, in their 80s & 90s, experienced limitations.  Not a one of them, in our experience - not even "Aunt" Benita, bed-bound by severe osteroporosis - was anything close to decrepit. So, I never experienced helping people who needed high levels of hands-on support.  Even "Aunt" Benita just needed someone to make/serve dinner & clean up, then stick around for a lively discussion. 

But I love ferreting out others who are whiz bang at helping others facing  dependency issues be as INdependent as possible.  My experience is light-weight- super-sized socializing, via out & abouts or online surfing sessions.  Sarah's is in working brilliantly with every level of dementia.  Jency is a gifted soul who brings out the best in everyone blessed to have her support.

Am forever grateful to have a best practice experience of a family determining critical next best steps for a declining parent.  In making a particular crucial decision about their mother's care, they gathered the entire family together on conference call, included me & had an eldercare expert lead & guide the call.  Oh, and they included their mother, to get her opinion!  Far from a camel, that family was, to me, the sleekest of thoroughbred horses. 

Down with camels!  Here's to families, loved ones & care partners tossing out isolated decision making, once-entrenched ageist attitudes & "limited elder" expectations, instead embracing engaging, energizing & empowering practices.  Here's to survive & THRIVE!