Having recently fallen head over heels for Tara Mohr, read her 09/27/14 NY Times op-ed on how women should respond to criticism that seems particularly pointed & personal. As a balance, I also read the 09/30/14 The Belle Jar posting, No I Don't Want To Learn How To Love Criticism, Thank You.
Much as I love Tara, am in agreement with the latter.
I appreciated every performance review from Pete - and - am absolutely sure that his view of my work, how he critiqued it, was different than if I'd been a guy. Which worked out fine, since I very much lead with my feminine strength of collaboration & cooperation.
For my part, I took his suggestions for areas that needed work to heart & appreciated the ones he considered praise-worthy. That said, I did not - ever - take the attitude of rolling with the punches if I thought particular criticisms were undeserved. There is a reason why employees are invited to comment on their review. Use it.
In my case, while Pete gave me consistently above average marks, he rarely included specifics to back up the rating. "Always goes above & beyond" might justify a 5 rather than a lower ranking, but it did not provided examples - details - of superior work. Ditto when I received a 4 or lower - he didn't give specific examples of ways I had fallen short.
It was sort of strange, the relative new kid on the corporate block having a heart-to-heart with the seasoned head of PR&A about how he could write a super effective review. While Pete was dubious about my points, he let me talk it out & really heard me. He just thought it was unnecessary work, almost fluff. Until several years down the road.
When I read over my 6th or 7th review, several areas had significantly lower marks that seemed out-of-whack with my sense of how I'd done. Pete explained that while the various examples he was thinking of had happened earlier in the year, they were important enough to my performance to include. I was stumped, trying to figure out the instances to which he was referring. In returning the unsigned review, I requested he provide specifics. Being a just & fair boss, Pete agreed.
When I arrived to work the next morning, there was the review, with specific examples for each of the areas where he had rated me okay mediocre weak or worse.
There was just one problem. All of them were from past years. Pete had remembered issues that had been resolved long ago but felt fresh to his memory. And they were all related in some ways to gender.
If I'd just tried to interpret his critique as being well-intentioned misogyny, I would have been stuck with an undeserved review & he wouldn't have realized the wisdom of taking the time during the year to mark down specific assignments that had gone particularly well - with specifics of why - and ones that had fallen short of expectations & how.
Making that change - not just for me, but for all his reports - made it easier for him to write performance reviews. Instead of having to rely on his memory, he could check out brief notes made throughout the year.
The change in review style helped more than Pete, his reports & the unit. When other departments considered hiring one of us - which happened multiple times - our performance reviews highlighted our accomplishments as well as tracking how well we'd taken & used criticism.
The wrap-up at the end of the blog hit home, big time - "At the end of the day, it’s all very well and good to give women tips on how to function within the current framework of society; it’s another thing altogether to assume that this framework will never change. It’s never going to stop being a man’s game if women keep playing by men’s rules, and if our only form of resistance is to learn to live with how things are, well, this revolution isn’t going to get very far."
What a blessing to have in Pete a boss who was very much a guy expecting me to be very much a gal, who understood how to make our gender differences make us a better team. That I got to work with someone who spoke against stereotyping, worked hard not to, who appreciated the rare times it happened & made himself aware. Unlike a lot of others who want to be bosses but have no concept of how to manage, Pete really wanted his performance reviews to be a way his merry little band could build on our strengths, flip negatives into positives, use our unique talents to benefit company goals.
A thought especially leapt out at me - - "I want to figure out how to rely on myself, how to rely on my instincts, and how to trust in the fact that I am a smart, capable person who is worthy of respect." Amen & hallelujah!
When it comes to accepting criticism, my goal is to be neither thick skinned nor thin. My hope remains that I can hear it, see how I can use it to improve my performance & increase my value to a team.
My thanks to Tara for her op-ed, to The Belle Jar for a zing-to-my-heart response & forever thanks to PHB for showing me how to stay open minded & grow in unexpected directions.
No comments:
Post a Comment