In the preface to his play, A Man for All Seasons, Robert Bolt describes Thomas More as a man who "knew where he began & where he left off." More knows who he is & what he wants to do. He knows when he can bend & discovers where he cannot, where a line has been drawn & he must be true to himself - to his self - whatever the price. Or all is lost.
Bolt's More tells his daughter, pleading with him to just sign the document approving Henry VIII's marriage to Anne Boleyn - and divorce from Eleanor - that he cannot give in because he opposes it. HE does - not his pride, not his spleen, nor any of his appetites. HE does. That place way down that defines the person. He knew he was this, knew he wasn't that. He knew his boundaries, which freed - and compelled - him to stand firm. If he had caved & signed the paper, his life would have been saved, but what made him More would have been lost.
Aren't we all called to be like Thomas More, to know where our appearances leave off & our reality stands firm? I don't think it's just wisdom hard-won at 63 that tells me Bolt's passage about the great martyr speaks to & of all of us. I think it's something I've always known, but never understood.
It makes me think of Dave & Candy, who became medical doctors in their late 30s, early 40s. With all the study & stress such an unusual undertaking required, the center pole in their life, the thing above all things that everything else was subordinate to, was family. Family has always been the main support of their life & what took precedence, even when it might always have looked that way. I've always admired that in them. I've always admired that they - as individuals, as a couple, as parents & children & in all their roles & relationships - seem to be aware of where they begin & where they leave off.
Identity has always been important to me. It's what kept my life straight when it could so easily have gone off the rails. I always knew what mattered to me - those around me, whether they were my family or my neighbors, every age in ever corner of my life, humans & critters. It didn't matter to me how they felt about me. I knew that those who mattered most to me didn't seem to feel the slightest substantial personal connection to me. How they felt about me didn't matter - my joy has always been in some strange intangible that I am hard pressed to describe yet fills me with a deep sense of... homecoming. Not because I obliterate boundaries, but through appreciating them, through letting others feel the way they do. Because they are not me. They can do what they want or must because it will not alter my own identity.
May I always strive to be More, to know where I begin & where I end off, to have a sense of my identity & to respect honor live within it - authentically, even when it is not convenient, even when it would make life so much easier to bend. My dearest hope is to become someone who knows what she wants to do & does it, without shillyshallying or delay. And who does everything I can to help ensure everyone else can do the same, however much they might not agree with, might even stand against me.
Give me principles to live by & the heart to live them.
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