It is so strange, living in a silent, still house. Upper respiratory infection has swept through our cattery. No one moves, they all sleep most of the day, curled up. Because a cat's sense of smell stimulates its appetite, some are not eating. There is no sign of Sophie, who hasn't eaten or been spotted since yesterday at breakfast.
I feel responsible. Told the Universe that I want a more welcoming house - one that doesn't reek of cat scents. This was not what I envisioned.
A reason the Universe brought the cats into my life was to spur me into being a better housekeeper. But the blocks were bigger than the incentive. This might have happened anyway, but it feels like I let them all down. I feel like I let myself down. I didn't rise to the occasion.
Will let the tears drip, while using all this as fresh information. Will continue the personal work that's been aided in so many ways by these precious lives, insights that were only possible due to their presence in our life. Let myself feel sadness & hope & gratitude. Let all those emotions have their impact, then move forward, leaving me more in contact, in connection with what truly is.
John found Sophie, in a far far corner. She moved even farther. She is one of Jada & Snow Leopard's kittens, a special pair if on par with Hopes & Parley. She has grit & grace & greatness in her.
Ian, your presence was needed when we fished the kittens out from under the garden shed at Gallagher's to bring them in at six weeks. It is needed now. By the cats, by your sister, by the brother-in-law who's so much like you in so many ways. Let your silent presence fill this quiet house, helping your cats restore their health, helping us be good, loving guardians of our beloveds.
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