wrapping in hugs
From Mom - "I thought I could. I can't."
From Dad - "Kay, I'm only taking her at her word. She said she didn't care if she went trick or treating on Halloween."
From Peter - "How could anything I did cause YOU any harm? I wasn't in your life enough to cause harm."
From Mike (in a letter to Mom) - "If you are doing this (seeking a clearer sense idea of who SHE was) because it makes your children happy, it doesn't."
From Mim - "I bet you think that I talk to Mark (her psychologist) about you a lot. I never talk with him about you."
ONE of those defining statements infer an appreciation of healthy adult attitudes. Dad's - god bless him!! Someone in the family had some expectation, however fleeting, of adult behaviors from the rest of us. Even in 6th grade, I got it & appreciated the lesson.
Way over a quarter century later, Peter would - in a blessed 60-minute joint session we shared with a counselor - point to that very statement as a primary example of what an atrocious father we had, while I experienced it, even at the time (!), as the gold standard of good solid parenting. Yes, my 6th grade heart was broken. Oh, I wept & wailed & begged Dad to let me go out on Halloween. Mom beseeched him - "Pete, she's just a little girl." But Dad held firm - he held me to my word.
At a remarkably young age, my father taught me an invaluable lesson ~ ~ be careful what you say, because people will take you at my word.
So, a big high five & hug to Dad! Wrapping each of the others in a tender hug - it wasn't easy having me for a baby sister, perhaps especially after Ian died. Because they had difficulties with my who & how, Mom did too. Or maybe she considered me as UN as the rest. Poor woman, trying to create a placid family life when how we saw & what we sought from life was so wildly different.
How luscious to be 62, looking back & seeing only love & learning. Taking a moment to hug myself!!!
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