time & time again

It's not mere serendipity that two unrelated books I happen to be reading at the same time touch on the issue of - time.

Am must getting started on Creative Time (2012), by Marney K. Makridakisn, while I first read The Magic Lamp (1998) back in 2002 & again in 2013.  Since I can't continue with Marney's book until after completing the first creativity assignment, decided to dip back - again - into Keith Ellis' classic.  Completely forgetting its section on our relationship to...  drum roll, please - - TIME.

Funny thing is, I don't remember the section at all from my previous readings. This time, it practically leapt off the page, with it's consideration of vertical (our relatioship to the 24 hours that make up a day) & horizontal time.  Vertical time is judgmental, horizontal time is mellow.  Vertical time is what triggers our sense of not doing something fast enough, horizontal time says to just keep going & it will get done.  

Vertical time is what discourages us, makes us throw in the towel before we complete a goal "because it is taking too long."  Horizontal time tells us we just miscalculated how long it would take;  recalibrate & keep on moving until it's finished.

Years & years ago, when I was going through a super rough patch following Mom's death, the withdrawal of my birth family & the shocking loss of my job ~AND~ it was taking months to regain my balance, my sense of vertical time is what made me fall apart with dark self-recrimination, slamming myself by wailing to John, "Why aren't you upset at how long this is taking, at the months & months I haven't been bringing in any money.  It's taking SO long!"  And it was horizontal time that inspired John's calm, loving response - "It's taking as long as it takes."  

Can remember - can actually feel my body's response - when he said that.  Everything about me that was tense & full of despair immediately relaxed & regained a sense of hope.  I was gauging my recovery in tick tock tick tock, while John was using heart beats.  

Tonight, I spent a lot longer clearing out closets than expected.  Could feel my chest tightening, my blood pressure rising, a dark cloud wrapping around my heart.  Felt it & recognized vertical time laying bare my lack.  As in a limited, narrow, constricted sense of time, a sense that encourages despair & giving up.  

Like a kindly genie, horizontal time materialized & rescued me!  Instead of seeing all that I didn't get done in the two hours I'd set aside, saw all that had been accomplished & knew that there will be plenty of time tomorrow & the next day & the next to get the Front Room looking as nice as the Computer Studio did (before working on the next-door room threw it into temporary chaos).  Horizontal time clapped me on the back & congratulated my follow through.  

Regular, consistent, ordinary effort put into wise day-after-day action is far more likely to yield exceptional results than extraordinary efforts in isolated spurts of time.  Horizontal time might feel stodgy, but - like the turtle - it's more likely than vertical to get a job done & done well.  Vertical - the hare.  Horizontal - the turtle.   Slow & steady - quintessentially horizontal!

 

Credits:

entrepreneur.com

keithellis.com

en.walls321.com
leaderonomics.com

 

 

Power of GIRL FRIENDS (Potential BFFs can apply!)

Yesterday, over on my older2elder blog, I wrote a posting, Power of FRIENDS.  Today, spotted an item on AndThenWeSaved.com that inspired me to expand those thoughts.  

The very first suggestion under 17 Things To Do Today That Will Make You Proud of Yourself in a Year is:

1.  Create a tradition with your best friends: Schedule an Annual “Girl’s Trip”
My best college friends and I have made a tradition out of spending St. Patrick’s Day together every year. This national just-for-fun holiday makes for happening festivities all over the country and is equidistant between the Christmas chaos and summer soirees. Pick whatever dates make sense for your group and plan accordingly. Buying plane tickets as early as possible alleviates sticker shock, while opting for home exchanges or shared vacation rentals on websites like VRBO instead of opting for traditional hotel rooms significantly cuts travel expenses. Want another idea? Groupon even offers group getaway deals (I had no idea about these until recently.) Book now, enjoy later. No headache necessary.  (Or)... look into less-expensive or relatively free options like camping trips or resort-style staycations at a friend’s house for the weekend. 

Hadn't read any further than the first idea & already I was totally engaged.  Although not for the reason author Lauren Mikus might have expected.  

Right off the bat, giving a shout-out to Ms. Mikus for leading off her 17 items with something celebrating friendship, particularly gal pal friends.  Our friends help make life more bearable, intensify our joys & temper sadness.  Here comes the but...  This sort of glorious get-away weekend is more likely to be enjoyed by sorority sisters & lifelong chums with healthy bank accounts than the average American adult female.  

Mind you, an annual just-for-fun get-away with dear female friends who enjoy hanging out with me AND each other would be fabulous, except a) I, like many many many others, don't have that sort of special friendship with one person let alone multiples, and b) have neither the time nor the funds available to make it so.
 
Besides, have wracking my brains with how a weekend away with a cadre of close gal pals would make me proud of myself in a year.  If the cohort of friends joined together for a weekend of doing service projects, that would make me proud, would possibly change the way I see a lot of things afterward.  But how would a weekend away pampering myself & having a high old time make me feel proud twelve months out?

Am hoping Ms. Mikus forgives me for tweaking her #1: 
1)  Nurture here & now relationships so you have one or more close friends, women who stand by you in good times & bad, who - however far away they may be - offer a shoulder to cry on, an arm to wrap around yours in celebration, a heart open to hearing what longs to be shared.  Make sure that you have the empathy & take the time to do the same.  Go the extra mile.  Cut them a break if you feel exasperated.  

At least once a year, spend some serious time with them.  If they live a distance, save up for a plane ticket or meet halfway.  If that's not possible - my closest friend is a doctor with a large extended family, so she doesn't have a lot of extra time - arrange for a leisurely Skype or Google Hangout session.

 

Practice the art of letter writing - yes, old-fashioned writing paper & a pen, envelopes  & stamps;  letters pack more punch than an e-mail ever could.  Go way beyond 140 characters.  Be present on the page.


Find fun post cards when you're on near or far travels, dash down a note & send them on their merry way.  Visuals of what's happening in your life are fun to get.

Send photos, often.  Not via computer.  Ones they can post of the fridge.  

Recognize that there will times when your schedule or theirs transforms what was once was regular contact into the rarest occurrence.  It means that life is crowding in, NOT that the friendship is over.  Find new ways to say, "Just saying HI!"  And be grateful when the big project is over or the once-teen graduates from college or whatever is blocking your friendship path is gone.

If you want to feel proud of yourself a year out, do things in the here & now that remind your close friends of WHY they are important to you, give them your most precious commodity - time - without any sense of return on your heartfelt investment, create a welcoming & safe environment where they can bring their best self, their worst, or all the gradations in between.  Be real, be appreciative & above all be present.            

Friendships of any sort help us live longer, enjoy life more, even make us more productive in our work, whatever it may be.  For women, the power of GIRL FRIENDS cannot be underestimated.  Due to flukish reasons, I didn't take the opportunity to develop deep friendships in my childhood (okay, Hannah - am blessed with one really good lifelong friend), teens or as a young adult.  That was then, this is now.  I have a wonderful circle of friends that spans the globe & is constantly growing, deepening.  As much as I appreciate my guy friends, there's something special about my gal pals that enriches my life in ways I could never have imagined.  We don't need to get together for a weekend of great fun or service to appreciate each other.  We just need to be heart & soul present.  Feel that, do that, and every year will find you proud of yourself & deeeelighted with life.

Credits:
andthenwesaved.com
autostraddle.com
inside.trinity.edu
thepersonallistproject.org 
clipartbest.com
themodernnomad.com

"It's always the simple..."

“It is always the simple that produces the marvelous.”  Amelia Barr

That quote opens the first posting I read on my first visit to Anna Newell Jones' acclaimed (but I'd never heard of) blog, AndThenWeSaved.com.  

My spending LOOKS like it's gotten out of hand.  Only apparently.  (Okay, it's true about eating out, where I've definitely fallen down mightily because of poor at-home meal planning.)  There is A LOT that beckons to be done & the purchases made have been in support of just that.  

By purchases, I mean books.  A lot of books.  Am pleased to say that the last thing I did before making a purchase & mercilessly cut out any item that didn't really & truly say I CAN HELP YOU!, then the first thing I did when the shipment came in was to hold each book & ask myself, "Was this REALLY a wise purchase?"

Okay, the books I purchased to as Saturday morning give-aways at The Cupcake Lady turned out to be not as wise as I'd thought, but only because PA Health Dept rules & regs seem to have bounced us out of cupcaking at  this season's Bryn Athyn Bounty Farm Market.  But offering a weekly give-away was a wise premise, at least for me.

See, I'm not anyone's mother or BFF, my nieces & nephews are too distant to be a treasured aunt, am not a teacher or in any sort of position to seriously touch anyone's life - with a loving nod to the great & glorious exception, my John.  Sharing favorite books as part of a give-away would have filled a currently empty space.  And my present self is heart & soul about filling spaces instead of bemoaning them!

The books & classroom treats I get for the 3rd grade & the current 5th grade aren't splurges - they are life lines.  Again, am no one's mother or grandmother or doting aunt.  Doing things every year for the 3rd grade - picked for completely capricious reasons - and the class that is currently in 5th (also a choice of whimsy) - gladdens my heart, uplifts my spirit, gives me a thrill that goes way beyond the purchases.  

       

All that said, I was concerned that an unusual spurt of spending on things that actually did matter, that truly did move me farther down the path to fulfilling what shouts into my heart & soul, MIGHT lead to a binge of less appropriate expenditures.  For over a week, have been brooding on a longing to become as savvy a saver as I am an accomplished spender.

Knew all that, had been turning it all over in my mind, spear-headed with the question, "When will I know it's time to STOP acquiring & DIG into my purchases?"  Good question.  And, the Universe being the generous thoughtful active care partner that it is, stepped up to the plate & hit it out of the ballpark.  Way to go!
 
Was it mere coincidence that less than two weeks ago - April 26, 2016 - The Spender's Guide to Debt-Free Living was published??  I think NOT!  Over those two weeks, my heart & brain steeped in thoughts about saving over spending.   Waiting for me to discover the book that seems to fit me to a TEA.  Thanks, Universe - you rock!

Was also introduced to Anna's blog, AndThenWeSaved.com, with its spot-on opening quote - It's always the simple that produces the marvelous.  Which got me thinking that it's simple to save more - spend less.  

There are big things that clamor - and rightly so - to be purchased;  a second car, the July conference in Dallas, October's workshop at Rowe are all on track for taking me from what I dream to what I offer.  But little things that add up need whacking back - the little, unbudgeted, spur-of-the-moment  things that seriously eat away at our savings.  Especially meals out because I didn't think ahead to have a veggie compote available in the fridge or a mushroom lasagne with kale-laden marinara ready to pop into the oven.. (We don't spend a lot eating out, sticking to egg salad sandwiches, a garden melt or dinner-sized bowls of minestrone, but it adds up VERY quickly.) 

Mind you, simple doesn't mean easy.  Chanel's designs embodied simplicity, but cost a fortune because it took a lot of talent & effort to make the pared-down look seem effortless.  The dress with the simplest lines demands the most skilled designer & seamstress - plus a well-toned body because it reveals all. Simple looks easy, is often hard & totally worth it.

My thanks to Marie Kondo for kicking me into simplifying my life by paring down my possessions.  Started last year, still a challenge but working on it.  Learned that just knowing what works better doesn't mean it automatically comes naturally to me.  Good beginning training for what comes next.


It's always the simple that produces the marvelous. It's simply marvelous to realize that my aha awareness of the need to be financially savvy & the publication of Anna's new book turned out to be a one-two punch in knocking out the possibility of spinning into fiscal foolishness.  My thanks to Anna, to Harper Collins & to a great & glorious Universe for all that has been, all that is.  "All it will be" is up to me!