Being whole

I am transformed.  Or maybe not.  Maybe it's being able to experience ME & being okay with it.

Primary things learned this past weekend:

• Different is okay, lets you add to the larger circle rather than bar you from it.
• Playing at the top of my game can aggravate others.
• Having a good vantage point outside the physical circle doesn't keep us from being part of the real one.
• The past has passed - let it illuminate & stay where it is.
• People are...  No words, they just are.
• Life astonishes me with all the bounty constantly beamed at us.
• Sometimes the shortest route is best, sometimes the longest.  Know which, when.

 

Nancy - you went beyond my greatest imaginings!

I love you & Joel & everything everything everything!

 

Little ol' dream catcher, me!

Always & forever, I've been enraptured experiencing dream catchers - people who recognize pursue capture dreams that speak to their heart.  In an hour, I will be one of them, hitting the road headed to fulfill two dreams in one - taking Nancy Slonim Aronie's Jump Start Your Writing workshop at Rowe Conference Center.  O be joyful!


Two months ago, I wrote, "In some past life, we sat around a cozy fire, as (Nancy) introduced me to Rumi...

Inside you there is an artist you don't know about...  

Say yes quickly, if you know, if you known it 

from before the beginning of the universe."

 
Tonight, some version of that imaging will become real, at our first workshop session.  One tonight, all day tomorrow, one Sunday morning.  Bliss bliss bliss!

A zillion years ago, Pete Boericke hired me to be his assistant at Prudential Healthcare, where he headed up Public Relations & Marketing.  My #1 & #2 qualifications - my natural writing ability, which he knew from writing for Bryn Athyn Community Theater playbills & ads, & my lack of writing classes.  Pete wanted a talent that he could mold rather than have to reteach.  He was my first great real-life writing master & what he showed me has showered blessings through the years.

By Sunday afternoon, Nancy will have joined him as writing masters I've known & loved.  It's a total lock - reading her book, Writing From The Heart, a couple years back, changed my life.  No telling where working WITH her will take me.

Am taking a moment before heading up up up to Rowe, in northwestern Massachusetts (a long drive!), to thank Pete for all he showed me about effective writing & all he taught by his example, to Judy Orvos for her constant & caring cheer leading, to Bob & Richard Gladish for all that both taught me in college, to Lyris Hyatt & Vera Powell Glenn for opening up the world of writing, and to Nancy Slonim Aronie for all I learned reading her book.  

 

Pete Boericke & Vera Powell Glenn, with Carol Henderson

My life has been blessed with remarkable writing masters, of different sorts strengths styles - a strong foundation for building onward & upward, reaching to recognize pursue achieve new dreams.  Heading out in an hour on a wild road to... we shall see!  Whatever else, it will be strewn with dreams waiting to be caught.

truth & (who knows what) consequences

Struck me today as the height of foolishness that I'm high-tailing it up to northwestern Massachusetts for my first writing workshop, yet in going on 600 posts I've been rather coy bringing up a significant something in my life.  Before the Affordable Care Act was passed, I tagged myself as a poster child for the ACA.  But I never really discussed why, or why I'm now the poster child for universal healthcare (making too much money for Medicaid - PA's GOP legislature won't expand the program & too little to qualify for the ACA).

The fact is that I have been less than fit for well over 10 years.

It was about 12 years ago, working at Panera/Willow Grove, that my foot or leg or foot & leg problem first bothered me.  I was fine running back & forth baking bagels, but put me behind the cash register for a prolonged period of time & my left leg would start aching.  Bye bye, Panera.  

 

If you've seen me seeming a bit wobbly, that's because when I sit for as little as 15 minutes, it takes me a moment or two to get my land legs.  Sit for a longer time - say, an hour composing blog posts - and I can struggle to get walking.  Give me a few moments & all is well - well, just a slight hesitation.  What a mess when I've been in the computer studio, forgot to bring the phone in, it rings & I try to make a dash to get it before the 4th ring.  Defines pathetic.

It was eight years ago that the Philadelphia school system realized that the alternative school where I taught had never required teachers or staff to be tested for TB.  With a tight turn-around time before school started, the doctor I sought out had me get a chest x-ray.  Trust me, you never want to have the person who reads the x-ray tell you, "Take the x-ray & go straight to your doctor."

Of course, my doctor wanted me to get all sorts of tests & was not happy when I said, "Can't afford it."

In case you don't know, people who don't have health care coverage not only have to cover all expenses on their own, health care providers can charge the moon, and they do.  The blood work I got at the same time as the chest x-rays was billed at $2,000.00.  When I squawked, the staff told me, "You're not under contract with anyone;  we can charge whatever we want."  And boy did they!


About six years back, John & I reluctantly slept apart, him up in the Tower Bower, me down on the couch in the den, where I could more easily sleep propped up, because I had wretched breathing problems when stretched out.  Praise be, about three years ago, horrific winter weather hit & we were without power for a couple days.  Chilled to the bone, we didn't care if neither of us got any sleep, there was no way we were sleeping apart.  Which was when we discovered that the problem had abated enough that we could resume falling asleep snugged up in the same bed!  But I still sleep with 3 big pillows & the window open 1", even in the bitterest weather.

Over two years ago, we were in a minor fender bender - no apparent ill effects, but an opportunity to see the same doctor on the insurance company's dime.  I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. Since I couldn't afford meds (could afford the pills, just not the required regular bloodwork), the only alternative was going on a vegetarian diet.  I changed & my blood pressure stabilized.  No idea what it is right now, since my doctor said he couldn't see me until I get blood work done & I can't afford it. 

And then there's his insistence that I see a gynecologist.  For probably four years, have had what the Bible refers to as an "issue of blood" which has gotten steadily more serious.  Could be a benign polyp.  Or not.  If nothing else, he's pretty sure I've got to be anemic, another reason for wanting blood work.  But again - if I go to the gyn, that doctor will require testing.  And why bother?  It's not like I can afford treatment.  Even if I was on the ACA, I'd be facing a $3,000 annual deductible.  I don't think so.

The truth is that I've been dealt a hand of unfit cards, but I'll play with what I've got.  Frankly, I don't have much faith in America's health care system - worked for too many years in the health care industry & know too much.  People squawk about government coming between them & their docs, but mega corporations have been doing exactly that for decades.  

If anything, being open should help me get my rear in gear, to get MOVING on the things that I'm uniquely positioned to make happen, like Cyber Access for the Technically Timid, the Senior Core Values Project, getting The Velveteen Grammie published.  My hope is that the greatest consequence of sharing the truth will be in shifting into higher gear. 

Downton, democracy & capitalism

An article in Sunday's Philadelphia Inquirer pondered if Downton Abbey's popularity - which apparently took its producers by surprise - could be chalked up to "its devotion to the concept of decency.  The series invites us to judge its characters not for their financial success, sex appeal, ambition, or will to power, but for their civility & capacity for compassion."

It ponders, "Perhaps decency is an outmoded idea... perceived as a virtue only in communities held together by the stability & certainty of a rigid class system.  Perhaps in a truly democratic society, decency must give way to the bustle of competition, the explosive propulsion of ambition.  Maybe we just don't have enough time to be decent to one another."

Interesting points.  And clearly indicative of a mind that thinks that democracy & capitalism are one & the same.  They might appear to be that way in our current day & age, they are certainly presented that way on news outlets such as Fox, which - in no uncertain yet false terms - equates the two.

 

No where is this jumbling of the one with the other more evident than in the description that a truly democratic society features the "bustle of competition," "the explosive propulsion of ambition."  

Since when are those qualities emblematic of a democratic society?  Yet, the author clearly thinks they are.  


I agree 100% that decency has no place in a purely capitalistic society, which hopefully the USA is not, but it is the bedrock of a genuinely democratic one.

 

1) yabancidiziizle
2) entertainment weekly  
3) Glamour magazine/UK
4) Hallmark Channel

None so deaf...

For years, I've looked back over the arc of my life & wondered at how many remarkable older people have been part of my experiences.  Was I born to do the work before me, was it nurtured by contact from babyhood onward with so many epic elderly men & women modeling full-throttle aging, even as body &  mind turned frail?  My guess is it was a combination of both, with shadings from countless other sources.

In addition, I've been blessed to have learned from each of my clients & their families. In all but one case, had the privilege & pleasure of working as a care partner with the client & his or her family.  

In that one case, the client's child could not grasp the concept of partnership.  As she saw it, although her mother's estate paid me, I reported to her, so my time was hers to direct.  It quickly came to feel like my task was as much, or more, to make her life easier as it was to be there for her mother.  

What I bring to a care partnership - engaging, energizing, empowering - seemed less important to her than emptying & reloading the dish washer, sweeping the kitchen floor, walking the family dog & scooping his poop. 

Woke up in the wee small hours, thinking about that unfortunate situation & a family I fear is riding for a fall.  

Background:  It was touching, seeing the daughter lovingly take on the care of her mother, who could no longer handle the long flight of steps from the driveway down to the family home she & her husband had transformed from run-down to warm & welcoming.  

The move was a wrench.  I mostly knew just the grounds & the first floor, and both John & I miss it!  Driving down to her home, over an hour from our house & her daughter's, was a thrill; our blood would start racing as we turned off the main highway, made our way along country roads, took the left fork leading to the large property & friendly home.  We both cherish memories of parties on the terrace, watching children playing in the field, gathering around a fire pit to hear our friend & her children share family tales.  

If we miss it as much as we do, how much more does our older friend?  She left the home she lived in all her adult life, where she raised her family, enjoyed entertaining co-workers at legendary dinners & readings in front of the cozy fire.  

Chief among her blessings are her children - now in their 50s & 40s - who love her to bits & have bonded together, in spite of living on different coasts, to help ensure she gets all the TLC they can give.  Instead of having her enter an excellent senior lifestyle community near her home, her oldest daughter made a place for her - ensuring her mother had no fear of losing the love of her current life, a wonderful & devoted dog.  

It should be an ideal situation.  It is not.

I do not know about the rest of the family, all of whom live a distance from our neck of the woods, but the daughter, from Day One, has been absolutely convinced that she & her sibs have the situation with her mother, who was recently diagnosed with dementia, totally, even brilliantly in hand.  Even before her mother moved, the daughter talked about how well she & the others had planned how this would all roll out.  She even mused about getting it published, so other families could benefit from their insights.  

All before any care had actually been provided.

This is their first in-depth experience with an aging parent whose health is declining.  In many ways, they'd gone above & beyond in preparing for the years ahead, making significant, well-thought out & executed changes to the house.  The facility is well prepared & so is the family.  At least on paper.  

Alas, few situations are more likely to trash any well-thought out plan than dealing with an aging parent, especially one showing symptoms of dementia.  But the daughter is totally convinced that she a) knows what she needs to know & b) will be fully able to roll with any punches without advice from anyone. 

This hit me when, having seen a copy of Atul Gawande's exceptional, Being Mortal:  Medicine & What Matters in the End, on the hallway table, I babbled about what a great book it was.  She replied along the lines of, "Oh, it's fine for families who don't have their act together - not like us."
 

Seriously?   

The Guardian opened its article about Dr. Gawande & his book with, "Have we exalted longevity over what makes life worth living? And do we infantilise the old? This is an original and moving exploration of illness and death."  

How could anyone with an aging parent, let alone one living under her roof, in her care, shrug off such a heart- & eye-opener?

There are none so deaf as those who will not hear, none so blind as those who will not see.   

 

credits:

1) Brainy Quotes

2) Gardiner Public Library

3) Exec Book Club

4) Open the Magazine