Peter's recent health crisis, combined with attending two circles at Pillars of Light & Love over the past five days, have left me feeling singularly tenderized.
One thing I realized from the two circles - and the weekend at Rowe - is how blessed I've been by my family. Lots of people have strife & challenges with their siblings & parents; I got to learn such remarkable lessons from mine.
What irony that our last name was Lockhart! At times, Peter & Mim seemed to set their hearts under lock & key, opening up to few, if any; sadly, for a shocking number of years I did, too, expecting even ones I most trusted to let me down, to reveal for all to see how unlovable I was.
Not a happy way to be! In time, I'd come to accept that while my heart might be pierced by those I cared for most, that's what made it vulnerable, freed it to let things out & let things in.
Thinking about how ghastly Peter sounded on the phone tonight, am struck with how far we've come from being the sister he openly despised, with him the brother I considered aloof arrogant self-absorbed. We got there, in large part, because of how much we both let go, how much we both let in.
One of the things I shared in over the past couple weeks, at Rowe & Pillars..., was the importance of forgetting about time. Peter & I took our first steps toward our present relationship when he was 76 & I was almost 63! Imagine if either has taken a "too late" attitude. What we'd be missing!
It is a forever joy that Mim & I ultimately partnered to create a relationship that could reflect what we appeared to have as children & young adults, this time in a way that was healthier & safer for each of us. What a blessing that John & I reconnected - thanks to Chinese take-out - with Peter just over a year ago.
Imagine if the estrangement had continued to this day. Instead of being a time of celebrating Mim, her death would have left me ripped & raw. Her passing drew Peter closer, if only for the practical reason of driving with us over to Toms River to visit her in the hospital. What a blessing that Peter & I were on fairly easy speaking terms when she slipped from us. Peter was there for me & I was there for him. That meant the world to me.
Because of the unattached way my sibs related to me, I nurtured a sense of sisterly love to everyone. Everyone. My family's unconventional approach to relationships developed in me a devotion to the concept of connection through spirit rather than simply through shared genes. And spirit knows no boundaries. The icing on my cake is enjoying my sister's affectionate friendship for the last five years of her life, that tonight Peter called me to let me know he was in the hospital - progress of a funky sort (a couple of years back, he almost died - no one thought to contact me).
Today, what a lucky lass I am - sister to all who are, forever sister to Peter & Mike, Mim & Ian, my heart & spirit pierced to let the Light shine through!
Credits:
1) clan-lockhart.org
2) piercedheart.biz
3) thepositivitysolution.com
4) dailymail.co.uk
5) Wendy Jung
Last night's group Manifesting Destiny at Empowering U was worth the drive out to Collegeville/Trappe. Past present future melded into a powerful evening.
Praise be, the past more or less stayed OUT of the workshop. It was about my here & now, what I'm doing to manifest my current deepest calling in THIS moment.
We discovered an open, supportive circle; in spite of being the only guy, he seemed at his easy, a natural part of the group.
There didn't seem to be any consensus on how we experienced manifesting destiny. Most people there were looking to find - to manifest to themselves - their destiny. At least one was there to find out more about the concept. And then there was me, working to manifest into reality the destiny that already beckons shouts pummels.
For me, manifesting means putting the pedal to the metal, getting my rear in gear & getting work before me in my rear view mirror, done to my satisfaction. For that, I need a supportive group of kindred or complementary souls. By jove, I think I found them!
So, that was my here & now, looking forward to my next moments. The past blossomed at the Collegeville Diner, where we had a latish supper.
The Collegeville Diner - a glistening, palatial hommage to classical diners perched at the funky intersection of 3rd & Main Streets - was clearly the destination for our hungry tummies.
A wave of memories swept over me as soon as we entered. In the pastry case, right next to the door was a trio of cream puff swans, waiting to be demolished by happy diners.
In a microsecond, it was the mid-1970s, up at the Mont Olympus Diner in Yonkers, NY. As I remember, the Mont Olympus is huge, able to swallow up even the immense Collegeville, its menu just as oversized - and its pastry case spotlighted my very first cream puff swans.
Last night, as we ordered up Florentine Eggs Benedict and a Broccoli & Cheddar Omelette, I felt cocooned in happy memories. High marks & a good tip for exceptional service. Four stars for the yummy food. And, of course, dessert. But, wait, what's on the plate we're sharing? NOT a cream puff swan???
No, we were destined to devour a chocolate-glazed Chocolate Mousse Mouse - one dessert, two forks at the ready. We nibbled away the oblong of creamy decadent mousse, both reluctant to be the first to take a bit from the mousey. Finally, I took a knife & did the deed, slitting the remaining dessert right down the middle. It was demolished within moments.
Yesterday was filled with new knowledge & fresh insights:
- Different people see manifesting destiny from different angles.
- While we're at different places along the path toward knowing & living our life purpose, we're all where we're meant to be. John, totally at ease in the midst of a circle of women, is looking forward to February's gathering as much as I.
- Empower U is an amazing place - well worth the drive. The Collegeville Diner is more than just good looks - it's terrific, tasty food.
- And cream puff swans sit in a gleaming pastry case, awaiting their destiny!
Credits:
1) pillarsoflightandlove.org
2) mennonitegirlscancook.com
3) westchestermagazine.com
4) chickenfriedcaviar.wordpress.com
5) jemangelaville.com
Baby, it's colllllllllllddddd outside! We were mostly housebound yesterday, but the snow still on the lower roof outside the bathroom window tells its own story - yesterday's sun couldn't get past the low temps to melt the scant bit of Sunday's flurries.
Offering up fresh thanks that my drive home from Rowe only had to deal with rain & only that to the Berkshires. Snow would have been beautiful, but not fun for a long drive. Thank you, Mother Nature!
Sunday's cold & yesterday's deep chill got me thinking about Mom, who would be in winter hibernation right now. Mom was about as fearless as they come when it comes to getting out & about, but the woman would not take a step outside if there was a chance of ice.
January - mid-March, she still got in her daily laps, except around the kitchen island or opted for the dining room-kitchen-living room loop.instead of the back yard or up & down Pheasant Run. Realizing for the first time what a pleasant walk that was, with lots of windows opening out to the back yard, over to Gallaghers, and the big bay window in the living room. She was inside, but surrounded by vistas of nature. Very important!
These were her months for serious letter writing. Mom was a great letter writer, card sender, note dasher. There's something super comforting in putting pen to paper, in saluting a friend, in signing off with an affectionate farewell, perhaps especially in addressing the envelop before affixing the stamp. A different dynamic than a digital connection. Substantive.
Mom always kept her box of stationary & pens & stamps close by, on the wide arm of the chair that Brenda always described as being in the Stickley style.
Am reminded of this by the weather & because of coming across some cards yesterday that Mim sent to me. The cards & notes, especially the rare ones she drew herself, are treasures I'll always cherish. That's the thing about cards, notes & letters - they're permanent. Mim died six months ago, but all I have to do is see her handwriting to sense her presence.
Thinking about Mim & her priceless communiques got me thinking about Gretchen Rubin, who was indirectly responsible for me reconnecting with Mim, after years of estrangement. Gretchen's engaging blog currently offers wise advise for getting past the loneliness that too often hallmarks winter's cold, dark month. Where Gretchen recommends these as great habits, even doing them occasionally can make a major difference on dank, grey days:
- Nurture others - make a special effort with your meals, bake a batch of cookies for the kids across the street, write a letter to a friend who lives by himself in another state, call your mother (or sister, brother, college friend, best buddy...).
- Connect with others - online groups are great ways to connect with people who share your interests, but can't replace doing things with others, face to face. This Friday, you'll find me at my elementary school alma mater for an after-school art group, doing fun projects with other adults. On Thursday, Southampton Library kicks off it's annual "Tea With The BBC" afternoons, featuring nibblings & a discussion about the tea being service, followed by episodes of BBC classics you can take out from the library. Tonight, I'm headed out to Trappe, PA for Manifest Your Destiny at Pillars of Light & Love. And I've participating in the online, all-year course, A Year to Clear What's Holding You Back offered for practically nothing at Daily Om, a great site for uplifting inspiration. A grannie client spends most of her nights in her senior community, so I bringing music to her, with wonderful CDs of jazz classics, DVDs of Tony Bennett & other stars in concert, arranging for friends who love to sing & play instruments to give small cozy in-home concerts, all of which she can share with other residents.
- Get better sleep - for me, getting to bed early is no guarantee of getting a good night's sleep. Strange but true - drinking a glass of warm milk or eating a ripe banana before "heading up the wooden stair" to bed can make a difference. Gretchen shares some great suggestions, too.
- Stay open - sidestep negativity, being critical & judgmental, especially about yourself
- ASK - If you're feeling lonely, ask yourself about possible whys & ways to remedy. A key question too many of is avoid is a simple, "What's missing in my life?
- Welcome silent contemplation - This is one from me, not Gretchen. My mother welcomed opportunities to be simply contemplative, to use what might look like empty moments to others to refill her spirit & soul with simple meditation. Aristotle said, ""The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness & the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival." Powerful words, especially for a culture that is increasingly unfamiliar with quiet moments, that considers empty time a defeat. The rest of Mother Nature understands that winter is an opportunity to power down, rest, restore - only stubborn humans seem clueless about the importance of silence, empty moments, the stillness that lets us be.
Baby, it is COLD outside! Let's keep those love lights burning, our friendships warm & inviting. our lives open to some silence & contemplation. Look forward to spring, but welcome the brrrrrrrrrrilliance that is winter.
Credits:
1) wheretogetit.com
2) 123rf.com
3) The Happiness Project
4) yellowblissroad.com
