mega milestone

Thank you, universe, for so many lovely presents BEFORE our 25th wedding anniversary arrives!  Tonight, John did some stuff that's driven me nuts for almost as long as we've been married.  And I didn't react in my old ways!  And this in spite of the fact that his lack of awareness & attentiveness put a dear friend in jeopardy.  Went right over his head - just wasn't paying attention.  Still disturbs me - a dangerous trait - but didn't go even a smidgen bonkers.  He's not going to change, because he can't see it.  You can't change what you can't see.  It's like stomping your feet because someone who is color blind doesn't compliment you on your blue sweater - not going to happen!

Praise be that I was born with the gift of being able to step back (most of the time), assess, consider, and see better ways.  Can't rail at those who weren't.  Might feel like a release, but that is illusion.  Blowing a gasket might feel like I'm letting off steam, but it is never a safe thing to do.

most radical shift of all - so far

Struck me last night that each of the things Mom left behind had meaning to her.  If she had died when she still lived in a house, rather than after she winnowed things down to a minimum when she moved in with us, everything she would have left would still have had value to her, even if just practical. 

If I died tomorrow, no one - not even John - would be able to divine what things of mine had value, practical or otherwise.  Too many.  More stuff than worthy items.  And that troubles me.  Troubles me deeply.

Time to whack away.  My guide will be, "Is this of value to me?"  If not, it goes.

Who is this woman?  Not sure how she got here, but I sure do like her!

"just a guy"

When I tell friends about going nuts when John processes PART of what's been shared, they inevitably say some variation of "he's a guy."

Well, sorry, but that means diddly squat to me.  He's as likely to stop processing crucial information as he is to stay listening through less essential info.  To him, it's all just "Yada yada yada, John."

in my bones

I know in my bones, in the very sinews of my being, that WHEN the time FINALLY comes that each morning starts with a glass of clear water, followed by the first of three sets of breath work exercises paced throughout the day, and a luscious bowl of steel-cut oatmeal studded with dried fruit & walnuts & 2 tablespoons of ground flax, my world will change in ways far beyond healthy living.

What I know now that I didn't a year ago is that if I really want to make it so, it will be so.  And if it isn't, it's because I don't really want it.  I just want to want it.

Which is it, Elsa?

BEST did not show

What a different feeling on a weigh-in Thursday to discover I gained a pound last week - and to know that I didn't put in my BEST effort where it is the easiest.  Picking the foods I eat.  

This past week, I have indulged.  Not big time, but definite.  

Blueberry pancakes were in, green veggies were out.  Not stacks of blueberry pancakes.  On both occasions, just one.  But a big one.  With butter & syrup or powdered sugar.  And the bare minimum of green vegetables & even fewer green leafy types.  

It's one thing when I weigh myself & there's a gain or maybe just no loss.  When I've given my best to watching what I eat, then it's just week where my body stayed stable.  But when I've veered off course, then there's the sense of, "Rats!"

I don't like that sense of "could have done it better."  Good better best - never stop to rest.  Make the good better & the better best!

head scratcher

I just can't fathom that only 8 people read Mom's 07/22/00 posting, Paddington Abroad.  

Maybe I'm also surprised at how deeply connected I am to THAT particular ancient e-mail, including the delightful Paddington story Mim penned about Elizabeth II's visit to Philadelphia.  For me, it captures a truly perfect moment in a truly perfect style, especially Mom's set up explanation of how the three of us went hog wild over our counttry's 200th birthday.  

Only 8 views. Am feeling sorry for everyone who missed it!

low investment, big return

Learned decades ago - at Jimmy John's Restaurant, just south of West Chester - the astonishing return on the investment of 25 cents.  

I don't know the current cost to make the railroad diorama in the center of the main room charge up all its wonders, but back in the day it was a quarter.  Mom & Mim & I loved to sit in one of the booths near it, keeping an eye out for the wistful child longing to see the miniature railroad cars go whizzing along the tracks.  Once spotted, Mim or I would get up, go over & put a quarter in the slot, then return to the others to watch the show.  So many happy faces, for so little investment!

Last night, at the swim club, at the very tag end of the night, as everyone was out of the pool & we were packing up to head home, I was aware of two older girls - 7th or 8th grade - sort of hovering nearby.

"Can I help you, ladies?" I asked.

"Oh, no," they shyly responded, "We were just looking at the cupcakes."

"Would you like one?"

"Oh, no - we don't have any money."

All of a sudden, I was back at Jimmy John's & the two young ladies in front of me were a couple of four-year olds peering longingly at what they could not get for themselves.  

Two mini cupcakes - a vanilla with chocolate frosting & a chocolate with vanilla frosting - later, two very satisfied girls headed out the swim club gate for home & one very happy Cupcake Lady packed up the car, amazed again at the big return that can come from making an itty bitty investment.  Jimmy John would have approved!