Overhaul ~ recalibrate ~ retrofit.
The biggest Big Dig is inward - myself! Not easy - like the house, there is A LOT of stuff that's been hanging around since forever that's out of place or out of dateam clueless what that is. And my housecleaning/housekeeping skills have been pretty woeful. Like the house, it is easy to get bogged down in looking through the stuff instead of winnowing out what doesn't belong to make space for what does & way for what's waiting, completing a task & then moving onto the next.
No sense fussing & fuming contemplating what I'm not, focusing on where I don't fit in or feel like I'm a fish out of water. Instead, see where my feet are currently planted, get my bearings, get a move on.
My sister gave me her understanding of what stands most in our way - if we spend all our time in discussion & as little as possible in doing, our spirits can be kept flying with "some day" wishing instead of bummed by right now slogging. It matters less that nothing gets done as it does that your bright shining dream is never tarnished by something less than WOW.
Mim was describing why ACD personalities don't get things done - they want perfection, are unwilling to settle for less, typically end up with nothing. What sorrowful souls they must be!
I love this graphic! "Retrofit - improving yesterday for today." Stunningly spot on! A huge part of completing my current internal Big Dig is reframing my yesterdays into different reconfigurations. Yes, yes & yes - my very success DEPENDS on retrofitting my yesterdays into messages that help & support. Am so glad to have found this graphic which speaks such glorious volumes!
This morning, am celebrating slogging, the glories of grunt work, the wonders of an imagination that can see through the here & now to the ultimate completed ZOWIE.
Feeling blessed by three not-so-little words ~ overhaul recalibrate retrofit.
A brilliant, beautiful Sunday - a far cry from yesterday's snowy blowy Saturday.
The Big Dig has moved down to the kitchen. Overhauled the island cabinets, moving quite a few things over to the bottom shelf of the pantry (can't keep food stuffs there, because the base boards keep it warm). Next up are the dish/glass cabinets - always amazed at how our glass collection seems to multiply.
Satisfying, looking around the computer studio, seeing how nice & even snappy looking it is. Am saving money to get it painted, which it's needed since forever - the walls are a light, blah green. Looking for something dark rich warm.
Get a move on!
originally posted at Secrets of the Heart...
Best way to be blindsided - by joy!
When I wrote yesterday's posting that
referenced letters from Mike & Mom, had no idea it was a life
shifter. Used the two tenderest notes from a small treasure trove of
family letters to make a point that absolutely positively HAD to be
made. Mike spoke clearly from himself, Kerry, Peter & Mim; Mom
spoke for herself & all of us, which was everything.
Wow...
After a lifetime for trying to come to terms with the woefully
incomprehensible & pathetically unfathomable, I write a posting
& - out of the blue - decades family storm & strife were lifted off my shoulders, poofed away as if by magic.
Actually, it was magic. At least my definition of magic - when life works the way it was always meant to, ending up in the best for all.
Bissfully
blown away by the timing of family letters tumbling together as a
collection, sending out into the dear void bits & pieces that spoke
to me, the blessing of having the material ~ mindset ~ writing chops to
distill heated words & convulsive rhetoric into four days of healing
posts - Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday.
We
can get great educations, seek training, attend workshops &
seminars & all manner of eye-, mind- & spirit-opening events,
but when it comes to the most important changes in our lives, all we can
do is prepare a way for A Greater Power to find a way to turn things
around, help to set things right.
When
we're blindsided by joy, gobswoggled by wondrous change, one thing
remains to be done - offer up the most heart-felt thanks to the dear
void & the amazing Universe & All That Is.
Over at my Secrets of the Home blogspot, have been sharing some family letters & papers recently rediscovered during some Big Dig clearing out & reclaiming in our beloved, but too often unattended to home. Would that everyone had such a wondrous opportunity to reassess, reaffirm or reconcile with ancient histories, personalities, dynamics!
It's also given me the opportunity for regrets over dumb things I did that touched others who meant the world to me.
A pang of remembered short-sightedness hit me, looking at a small framed drawing of a little bird. It was drawn for & given to Mom by dear family friend, Marguerite de Angeli. Looking at it, can see the faint impression of writing on the back where Mom wrote, "Given to Kay Lockhart by..."
When I saw that Mom had written on the back of that precious little drawing, I could not contain my disbelief. "How could you write - with pen! - on the back of Marguerite's drawing! It shows through. It mars the drawing."
The words had barely come flying out of my mouth than I regretted them. Mom looked so downcast. She had done something wrong, had acted foolishly. Her thoughts were written as much in the sag of her body as upon her face.
In a wave of remorse, it dawned on me that the picture had been drawn for Mom by a friend. She would have written the same thing on the back if it had been done by Jack Lear or Max Berg or any other of her artist friends. I was struck to the core that my only thought had been its marred financial value; to Mom, the description only enhanced its worth.
Immediately, I made my apologies. It was her picture to do with as she pleased. But I could see that while my words helped soothe, they did not completely convince. Looking at that sweet drawing, I knew that while Mom would always & forever remember a dear friend, some small part of her would be needlessly kicking herself for lessening its value by "thoughtlessly" writing on its back.
Looking at that little picture today, thought about how doubly triply infinitely precious it is to me, a picture drawn by a special friend for a woman she treasured, its legend scrawled on the back in Mom's hand writing, and carrying a lesson I immediately learned & will never forget - it wasn't mine, it was hers & to Mom its financial worth would never come remotely close to its heart value.
Having a tooth extracted brought to light a much bigger problem than a decayed molar - my blood pressure is through the roof.
Not surprising. Haven't been under a physician's care since last summer, when my doctor said, "Get blood tests before our next visit." Makes sense. Problem is, I don't have health care coverage (make too little for the ACA, too much for Medicaid). Am not seeking funding for someone to foot the outrageous amount I'd be charged, due to lack of a contracted payment schedule.
That leaves responsibility for bringing down my blood pressure squarely on my own two shoulders.
Over the past year - particularly since Mim died in July - I've become a very bad vegetarian. Oh, I'm still vegetarian, but eating qualifying-but-unhealthy foods & lots of processed.
In the opening to his prayer this past Sunday, Eric Carswell talked about turning to a higher power to help make better choices. Clearly what I need to do with my diet.
No idea how my eating habits went to pieces after 2+ years of being a happy vegetarian. And I still am - well, a vegetarian, but not all that happy with it. Am blessed to find a healthy vegetarian diet far tastier & more satisfying than my old carnivore ways, certainly more satisfying than what I've been eating lately. Just totally off track.
Those two numbers - 180, 88 - let me know, "Straighten up & fly right!" ~or~ risk ending up on a mortuary slab (or, worse, in a hospital bed).
Will be recruiting a health care circle of friends (praise be, it includes three physicians & someone steeped in alternative care, all of them hip to the power of good nutrition) with whom I can be honest, keep in the loop with my progress, any challenges.
April 4, 2016 - ten months & two days until Medicare kicks in. No waiting around - gotta do what I can, to the best of my ability, now. Which means doing a major shop tomorrow & writing a few key letters over the coming days.
Closing this with a mega shout out to Dr. Louis Huy & the staff at Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery, PC - Warminster. You rock!
Louis Huy, DDS -
skilled AND handsome!
Taking a few moments - just before heading out the door to the dentist for a tooth extraction - to say THANK YOU to the Universe for the wonders of blogging. Mom gave repeated thanks for the Internet coming in the nick of time to expand her life & rev up her evolution; I feel the same about blogging, which gives me to opportunity to toss off to cyberspace questions or observations that have pestered me for years, but never had the opportunity to be spoken out loud, at least to anyone who wanted to hear them. Cyberspace is always a willing listener, for which I thank it & the joys of blogging.
What is it about the fallen human nature that so many of us - myself included - are massively challenged to feel fully secure in our being seen & loved?
This was brought home to me this morning, reading a post about one of my most priceless earth angels, a man who has always, from my perspective, been surrounded by the presence & light of love, including some of the most close-knit friendships it's been my honor to observe. Yet it seems that even this wrapped-in-love gentle man has challenges feeling seen & loved.
It was only just recently - just within the past two months - that I was finally able to step away from feeling invisible, unconnected. People would have fallen to the ground in fits of laughter thinking I felt so outside the mainstream of community. My reality was being in the heart of it - but it didn't feel that way.
Took me until this past week - this past Monday! - to realize that my brain was holding tight to long long ago images of what I expected feeling seen, connected, liked & loved would look like. Was completely dissing the actual experience, because the images were so different from what I'd held onto for so long as my heart's desire. Zowie!
What does it say that someone so coddled with all the best as I am & have been for many years, that my dear friend who's surrounded by friends who appreciate all he is & by loved ones who have knit him into their hearts, can fret with insecurities about not being seen & loved for who we are, as we are? Worth many a cuppa, sitting at the front table at Be Well, discussing.
