MIM 07/03/15

Although Mim is past being able to discuss final wishes with her family, friends did bring it up on our behalf & we have enough guidance to point us in a direction.  Whatever we do as a memorial celebration, will strive to make it reflect Sunrise & her beloved Laurel church camps. 

Laurel changed my sister.  Laurel made it safe for her to inch away from the protective shell she'd clamped around herself.  Friends remember her thanking Frank Rose for being the person who brought her from the back of the room to the front.  To us, she described it as being drawn from beyond a dark circumference into the heart of a circle.  

Imagining Frank Skyping her service from his Sunrise Chapel, in Tucson!  

According to Mark Reuter, Mim is losing some acuity of conceptualization, finding it harder to clearly and forcefully get her words out.  Which is why our presence, as much as we can be, is so important.  

Blessings on Mark & Judith for being the constant loving presence we couldn't be.  They are family of her heart & soul.

The staff at the Toms River Community Medical Center are kind, attentive and responsive.  When Mark mentioned Mim was expressing some fear, they gave her meds to help soothe & calm.  As her pain & discomfort rises - she can't take in any nutrients or water - they'll add Morphine.

Mim's July 4th weekend will be days of decreasing consciousness.  So glad we're heading over later, that the rest of our family & a host of friends are gathered around her in spirit.  That we can be with her as she prepares for her own Independence Day.

"Final" irony

Was it six months ago or longer that I developed a Final Wishes form, designed to help friends in my little hometown share The Conversation with loved ones?  It reviews what a person wants at the end of their life & after they've gone.   Basic information, like who you'd like involved in any memorial celebration, what to do with your body, songs & music, even if there are any final words you'd like to share.  As straightforward & simple as I could make it. 

I am forever beseeching friends, pleasant acquaintances & total strangers to have The Conversation, to share final wishes, NOW - it might not be possible later.  Now, for us, is too late.  Mim isn't up to it.  

An irony that goes straight to my heart. 

   

A wild night & a new road

 

Mim & I have long shared disbelieving chuckles over how many people we've come across who automatically express deep sorrow over someone dying.  Our birth faith grounded us in our true, eternal purpose - being of use, to the best of your ability.  

We experienced our parents' behavior when our brother, Ian, suddenly & tragically died.  We experienced their behavior facing & meeting their own deaths.  Now, it is Mim.

Mim not only was raised in a faith with wonderful, uplifting teachings about both this life & the next, she not only always loved Emily Dickinson's line, "Dying is a  wild night & a new road" - they helped root her belief that we are to fear not death.  Whatever lies down that new road, it will be a fresh adventure for an always adventurous soul.

MIM 07/01/15

Praise be, Mim is IN hospice care ~ and ~ it's at the Toms River Community Medical Center, the same hospital she's in right now.  She is so relieved.

She continues to weaken, but you should hear her voice - at least the tone & timber - when she has friends visiting!  

If we have the car back by the end of Thursday, we'll pick Peter up & head over for a visit.  If it's not done until Friday, we'll head over on Saturday, the 4th of July.  In either case, we expect to make a return run on Sunday.

Thanks for all the loving thoughts, prayers, tender words.  Formatting on paper in large print.  It gives me strength, seeing them all.  Blessings!

If you would like to submit a few words or a short quote, please e-mail it to me at auntdeev@aol.com.

Joann  Lockhart   Community Medical Center   99 Hwy Rt 37E   Toms River, NJ  08755

  
 

Torn between exhaustion & insomnia

Woke up at 2-something a.m., unable to go back to sleep.  Searched through my old e-mails, looking for people who should be in the loop about Mim, who had a connection, might want to send a message to print out for her.

Wide awake, but tired from the physical & emotional turmoil.  Got back to bed for an hour's rest, for which I am most grateful.  

Life has taken on a surreal tone.  Including being exhausted yet wide awake.

Have you experienced miracles?

Was recently asked that question.  Actually, I've experienced at least three - although I consistently can only remember two at any given time.  

The first was when Jada, a very feral cat, had kittens.  John & I took very good care of the feline family's needs, regularly delivering meals to wherever Jada had the nursery.  (There was racoon in the neighborhood  & we wanted to free the mama from being away from her caboodle of kittens - it worked, since they all survived.)

 

In thanks, Jada would let me play with her babies - quite the compliment, since was every inch feral.  One time, before I was heading to work & after I'd taken over breakfast, I looked around.  There was Jada, about 10 feet from where I was seated on the ground, giving herself an early morning tongue bath.  Her kittens were tumbling all around me.  It was a moment of peace, trust & playful serenity.  

 

Which was when it hit me, for the very first time in my entire life - I was like my brother, Ian.  I'd always known that Ian (who died when he was 11, I was 7) loved to bake & nurture others & ask questions, all traits I share.  But until that moment, until I realized that I was a cat whisperer, like Ian, it never hit me how alike we were.  I'd always assumed he was like my other brothers & sister, with whom I share very few traits.  

I call it a miracle, at 55, realizing for the first time that Ian, who died almost 50 years earlier, was a kindred spirit.  For me, that meant everything.


There I was - Jada giving herself a tongue bath, the kittens playing around me, on a beautiful spring morning - and suddenly my world shifted to a place I never expected to be.

Having one member of the family who was like me, who shared a similar communication pattern, was a godsend.  Suddenly, it was no big deal that the others were so opposite.  

It wasn't that at 55, out of the blue on a beautiful spring morning, my life righted itself.  It's that, for the first time, my eyes were clear enough to see it always had been.

THAT is a miracle!  Or at least Miracle #1.