There are no three words in the English language that upset me more than those three. And it feels like John should know that by now. It's been 25 years. They drove me batty when he said them the first time, umpty ump years ago - about something that he actually DID know before - and every time he's said it since.
The sad & sorry fact is that I've put in a lot of emotional sweat equity working through a truly whacked out family & an unimaginably large amount of personal issues that I hung around my own neck. Remarkably few things continue to take me to the deepest darkest places that took me decades to get past. That statement is one of them.
Because every time he uses it, it's inevitably about something that he did know, usually something that had been discussed on multiple occasions, but which he just didn't bother to take the time energy consideration to remember.
This was so not a good evening, not for either one of us.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Taking "everything" back
It would be lovely to say, "These two sentence can break the enchantment that keeps most eyes from seeing touching experiencing the magic that surrounds us."
For me, the words that unlocked unseen, boundless worlds were "Be prepared to be surprised" & "Expect everything."
The ONLY thing that I can say for absolute sure is that they very likely may NOT work for anyone else. It would all be too easy if life was that simple. It's not, it's not supposed to be. That's what makes it special.
To me, magic is a name for when things turn out the way they were always supposed to, at least in The Creator's original & only plan. And we see that magic around us when whatever words break the spell that we've woven around ourselves that keeps our sight distorted, our feelings skewed, our senses out of whack. And we each have to find our own words, in our own time... transcending time.
I can no more tell anyone else the words that break the spell that grips most humans than I could hand them one of the books that changed my life view with the promise it will do the same for them. It won't. They have to find their own enlightenment.
So, I hereby take back "everything." Those are my words. Go find your own - or share the ones you've found, the ones that have already helped you break through to see the magic that surrounds us.
But that's not, I realized after writing my last posting, how things are.
For me, the words that unlocked unseen, boundless worlds were "Be prepared to be surprised" & "Expect everything."
The ONLY thing that I can say for absolute sure is that they very likely may NOT work for anyone else. It would all be too easy if life was that simple. It's not, it's not supposed to be. That's what makes it special.
To me, magic is a name for when things turn out the way they were always supposed to, at least in The Creator's original & only plan. And we see that magic around us when whatever words break the spell that we've woven around ourselves that keeps our sight distorted, our feelings skewed, our senses out of whack. And we each have to find our own words, in our own time... transcending time.
I can no more tell anyone else the words that break the spell that grips most humans than I could hand them one of the books that changed my life view with the promise it will do the same for them. It won't. They have to find their own enlightenment.
So, I hereby take back "everything." Those are my words. Go find your own - or share the ones you've found, the ones that have already helped you break through to see the magic that surrounds us.
It's a Magical Life - starring ME
It took until 62, but am now fully prepared to accept that life is filled with magic. To realize that most of the time - 99.9999999999999999999% - we don't see. In spite of it being smack dab in front of us. We just don't see it. Look right through it.
And on the rare occasion that it does manage to glimmer through, we - being the practical sensible reasonable beings we are - chalk it up to luck coincidence chance.
Mastering two simple sentences - feeling their truth throughout every fiber of your being, in every nook & crannie of your soul - is all that's needed to see through the heavy curtains that block our view of delight wonder amazement.
Expect everything.
Be prepared to be surprised.
Now, those aren't so difficult to fathom, are they? Or maybe they are.
When I first heard, "Be prepared to be surprised" (the last line in Dan in Real Life), my world shifted. Could feel it. But sprinkle in & stir "Expect everything" & voila ~ ~ all boundaries, all expectations of the prosaically practical, the utterly everyday, the unfailingly uninspired totally completely forever fall away.
And on the rare occasion that it does manage to glimmer through, we - being the practical sensible reasonable beings we are - chalk it up to luck coincidence chance.
Mastering two simple sentences - feeling their truth throughout every fiber of your being, in every nook & crannie of your soul - is all that's needed to see through the heavy curtains that block our view of delight wonder amazement.
Expect everything.
Be prepared to be surprised.
Now, those aren't so difficult to fathom, are they? Or maybe they are.
When I first heard, "Be prepared to be surprised" (the last line in Dan in Real Life), my world shifted. Could feel it. But sprinkle in & stir "Expect everything" & voila ~ ~ all boundaries, all expectations of the prosaically practical, the utterly everyday, the unfailingly uninspired totally completely forever fall away.
And you're left with a life filled with magic.
Or at least I am.
Hopefully John, too.
Introducing Bob & Melinda Blanchard
Bob & Melinda Blanchard are my all-time favorite serial entrepreneurs! From the first moment I spotted A Trip to the Beach, they were my beau ideal business model, following their dreams no matter how whacky they might seem to the conventional world.
The name was already familiar. I adored their Blanchard & Blanchard salad dressings & ice cream toppings. True entrepreneurs - they sold their food business, as they'd previously sold their kitchenware company, and moved with their young son to... Anguilla. To start a restaurant. Riiiiiiiggghhhtttt...
Suffice it to say, it was a smash! Typical reviews include...
There are not enough words to describe how much we love Blanchards. First off, the staff is always very friendly and most attentive. We have been coming to Anguilla for many years and this has quickly become our favorite lunch spot. They have quite a selection to choose from which makes it nice you can eat several days in a row and try new dishes each time. We really like the bowls, they are quite filling and very reasonably priced. The picnic table area is always tidy and you can tell the staff enjoys their work as well as their customers. A pleasant experience each time, never disappointed and they take time to get to know their customers. Most appreciated and highly recommended! Would give them more that a five if possible! Thank you for never disappointing.
Not that they ever lost their New England roots. While Melinda hails from NYC, Bob is a 7th generation Vermonter. That's where they moved after getting married (met at college, where both majored in psych). Vermont's where they got their first taste of success - always with food-related businesses, it seems. It's where, with their son, they recently built a home - without previous experience - from the ground up (wisely leaving the plumbing & electrical to experts). They split their time between the Green Mountain State & the lush blue waters around Anquilla, long their favorite Caribbean island.
Bob & Melinda don't just live success, they preach it. My copy of their 2008 book, Changing Your Course ~ The 5-Step Guide to Getting the Life You Want, is filled with thumbed down pages, scribbles & underlines & notes in the margins, littered with dozens of bright pink sticky notes.
One thing that sets them apart from most of us humans is that they know when they are dissatisfied with something, then expect to turn things around.
As young marrieds, they realized working in social services agencies wasn't feeding either of them in the way they needed. It offered meaningful work and steady pay checks, but no nourishment.
Those crazy kids - and their 18-month son - started on the first of their many business adventures, funneling a not-too-small but not really-all-that-big an inheritance into a kitchen supply story. And the rest is food history!
First, their kitchenware store. Success! Then, Blanchard & Blanchard. Super yummy success! Then their island restaurant. Delicious success!
Just as they first succeeded in doing what they dreamed - both getting social service agency jobs right out of college - then made a major shift when that dream turned out to offer less than they both craved, so they also left the kitchenware business when they started to get antsy for a new business challenge, then left the specialty food business (I can personally attest to their wow success) when their response to the unsavory aspects of working with super market chains clued them in it was time for another change. And a move. South. Way far south. Anguilla.
Mega thanks to Molly Nece for a shout out to one of her mentors, Ken Blanchard. That got me thinking about Bob & Melinda & the impact they had on me the moment I started reading their story. Had just finished Molly's book, so decided to take a bit of a break & reread Changing Your Course. Brilliant! It's probably been at least three years since I last gave it a serious read.
Interesting, reading something that moved me back when, but with more experience in what I want to be doing, where I want to be going. With a better appreciation of MY dream & determination to make it so.
Will come back to Ken & Melinda, as I share glimpses & glimmers of my own special dream in their writing. As I move past simply dreaming to DREAM.
The name was already familiar. I adored their Blanchard & Blanchard salad dressings & ice cream toppings. True entrepreneurs - they sold their food business, as they'd previously sold their kitchenware company, and moved with their young son to... Anguilla. To start a restaurant. Riiiiiiiggghhhtttt...
Suffice it to say, it was a smash! Typical reviews include...
There are not enough words to describe how much we love Blanchards. First off, the staff is always very friendly and most attentive. We have been coming to Anguilla for many years and this has quickly become our favorite lunch spot. They have quite a selection to choose from which makes it nice you can eat several days in a row and try new dishes each time. We really like the bowls, they are quite filling and very reasonably priced. The picnic table area is always tidy and you can tell the staff enjoys their work as well as their customers. A pleasant experience each time, never disappointed and they take time to get to know their customers. Most appreciated and highly recommended! Would give them more that a five if possible! Thank you for never disappointing.
Not that they ever lost their New England roots. While Melinda hails from NYC, Bob is a 7th generation Vermonter. That's where they moved after getting married (met at college, where both majored in psych). Vermont's where they got their first taste of success - always with food-related businesses, it seems. It's where, with their son, they recently built a home - without previous experience - from the ground up (wisely leaving the plumbing & electrical to experts). They split their time between the Green Mountain State & the lush blue waters around Anquilla, long their favorite Caribbean island.
Bob & Melinda don't just live success, they preach it. My copy of their 2008 book, Changing Your Course ~ The 5-Step Guide to Getting the Life You Want, is filled with thumbed down pages, scribbles & underlines & notes in the margins, littered with dozens of bright pink sticky notes.
One thing that sets them apart from most of us humans is that they know when they are dissatisfied with something, then expect to turn things around.
As young marrieds, they realized working in social services agencies wasn't feeding either of them in the way they needed. It offered meaningful work and steady pay checks, but no nourishment.
Those crazy kids - and their 18-month son - started on the first of their many business adventures, funneling a not-too-small but not really-all-that-big an inheritance into a kitchen supply story. And the rest is food history!
First, their kitchenware store. Success! Then, Blanchard & Blanchard. Super yummy success! Then their island restaurant. Delicious success!
Just as they first succeeded in doing what they dreamed - both getting social service agency jobs right out of college - then made a major shift when that dream turned out to offer less than they both craved, so they also left the kitchenware business when they started to get antsy for a new business challenge, then left the specialty food business (I can personally attest to their wow success) when their response to the unsavory aspects of working with super market chains clued them in it was time for another change. And a move. South. Way far south. Anguilla.
Mega thanks to Molly Nece for a shout out to one of her mentors, Ken Blanchard. That got me thinking about Bob & Melinda & the impact they had on me the moment I started reading their story. Had just finished Molly's book, so decided to take a bit of a break & reread Changing Your Course. Brilliant! It's probably been at least three years since I last gave it a serious read.
Interesting, reading something that moved me back when, but with more experience in what I want to be doing, where I want to be going. With a better appreciation of MY dream & determination to make it so.
Will come back to Ken & Melinda, as I share glimpses & glimmers of my own special dream in their writing. As I move past simply dreaming to DREAM.
Monday, September 22, 2014
befriending my Ps
Health. Order. Recognition. Wealth. Competitiveness.
The 5 Ps that didn't even register on my Principles radar. Ps that, if anything, left me with a chilled frisson of UNrecognition. Praise be, nowadays anything that registers as UN catches my inner eye as needing attention.And a little TLC. Health ~ Order ~ Recognition ~ Wealth ~ Competitiveness. Each has the potential for being a wonderful, healthy, wholeness-inducing part of my life. Each has a place in my life. Without each, my ability to reach & lay hold of all I want to do, to accomplish is seriously diminished.
Mentioned this to someone at Saturday's farm market. Taken aback by her response - "So what do you think are at the roots of your response?" Was taken aback, because how would could or even should I recognize the origins of my detachment from each?! Am letting the messed up past stay in the past & get cracking on developing fresh, positive, productive relationships with each.
Health - Oh, Lordy, does this one need attention! It is a challenge, given that I have no employer-provided health care coverage (in the past, working for health care coverage providers, I had the best), no access to the ACA (post-tax income too low, PA governor chose to NOT expand our state's Medicaid program), and no $$ to afford medical care, not even diagnostic services. (When you're without contracted coverage, providers can - and do - charge whatever astronomical amount they want.) Coming up with productive next steps on this one will be a challenge.
Order - Okay, John is totally behind helping me get into a better, happier place of order. Have been an exceptionally messy person all my life. Was held in from recess many times to clean out my desk or to clear out & organize my notebook. When I drop things off in the BACNC student mail boxes, remember how JAMMED mine always was. Don't ask how many unopened e-mails I have, most unnecessary stuff.
Recognition - Funny that this doesn't resonate with me, since I've been consistently recognized for exceptional accomplishments from the time I started working in the corporate world. US Healthcare, Prudential, BISYS - was highly praised for the work I did at each company, in each position. At USHC, I zoomed from an hourly customer service rep to a key member of the physician liaison team; physicians personally called to beg me to not leave because "you're the only one who understands how the program works." At Prudential in the mid 1990s, an executive vp from the Newark HQ singled out my online Brand Voice Bulletin newsletter for heaps of praise; never dawned on me it was cutting edge in the company - just did it because it did the job that needed doing. At BISYS, never suspected I might be singled out from 1600+ coworkers as the 2000 employee of the year - nothing I did seemed that special, just what needed doing. Recognition has come easily to me, but has never mattered.
Wealth - Don't get me started. The energies around my money experiences are totally mucked up. Have known that for decades. When I talk about it, can see that my oldest brother considers money - and social position - to be the arbiter of someone's value. Can see that my sister believed the opposite - "money kills imagination, creativity." In my mind, I see money simply as energy, which is positive or negative depending on how it's used. That's in my head. My UN response to money as a P has me wondering about what's in my heart.
Competitiveness - Raised that this was NEGATIVE. At my high school, the guys got to compete against other schools in sports, but the girls were limited to intramural sports - between classes, not with other schools. Such competitiveness was unseemly for ladies. Not so now - thank heavens - but utterly entrenched back in the day. Not that it would have made a difference to me. My sister was the female athlete in our family. It was fine for each of the boys to be sports stars, but one of the key edicts in the family was "Don't step on anything Mim is doing." Mim did sports, so it was a given (at least to me) that athletics was off limits to me. As with my studies, didn't even try. Why bother? I'd never come up to Mim's level. Of all the UN Ps, this one looks like it's going to be the most fun to explore, develop & expand.
Thanks, Molly, for helping me discover an unseen, unexperienced UN relationship with those essential 5 Ps. Let the energy work begin - hey, it already has!
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Minding my Ps
A small treasure arrived Thursday - Chasing Stars in the Sunshine, by The Great Molly Nece (my name for her - most folk know her as Molly Sunshine). Being a somewhat short book, thought I'd get through it in a somewhat short time.
Not so fast! Small book, lots to ponder. Found myself going slow. Came to a complete stop last night, after discovering my missing Ps.
Best to start at the end - the back of Molly's book, where a first reading of her first sentence gave me pause: There are some people who only hope for the best, while others plan for greatness. Sheez! Is she saying that planning for greatness is a good sort of thing? Does it feel that way to me? Wasn't sure.
Reading on, talk about action & discover how to live in the moment & living your legacy put me more in my comfort zone.
Smiled at her use of "to the Nth degree," a term my family often used.
Totally related to adventure, live it to love it, explore, and make a difference & be the difference.
HA! The second sentence of the introduction made me sit up & take notice. Molly co-wrote a book - Do It Rhino Style, with Dave Magrogan - in 15 days!
Hmmm... For many months, the niggling thought, "It will take so long," has side-tracked me from writing my own books. Molly did one in 15 days.
By the time I headed off to sleep, had read the introduction & started on Principles. The chapter held great promise, starting out with a section on In spite of or Because of - people around us teach lessons on how TO do things or how NOT to. Related to how she stepped back to look at her parents as people, not just Mom & Dad. Molly had my attention.
It was last night that she stopped me in my tracks, just a page or two into my reading. Molly lists 20 core principles, with instructions to check off the 15 that spoke to me, then narrow that down to my top 10, and finally get it down to 5 core principles in my life.
What stopped me cold weren't the ones I picked - it was the missing Ps. The ones that didn't make it to any of the lists. The ones that didn't resonate with me. At all. They tell a tale, all by themselves.
Shook me up, realizing I never even paused to consider any one of those five. Oh, picked "economic security," but Wealth? Realized my response to that word was to move away from "getting rich, making money," and on to the more resonant "being involved with others" (Involvement).
The realization of my cool, shoving-away response to each of word sunk in & so did the awareness that there's more here than was previously apparent in my life.
One of those - yeah, it makes sense to one of them might not be a core principle. Maybe even a couple. But none? What about health, order, recognition, wealth & competitiveness makes me squirm? It wasn't just that they didn't resonate - they felt somehow incompatible with my core being.
Could that be a reason why I have so little of each in my life?
The first sentence on the back cover suggested that greatness was a good thing to expect & plan for, more than just hoping & working toward the best. Page 24 has me pondering why five of the core principles required to achieve greatness in addition to goodness are totally utterly completely outside my ken, feel anathema to my very sense of who I am.
Time to mind those missing Ps, to make them welcome, even if they don't make it to the Final Five.
Not so fast! Small book, lots to ponder. Found myself going slow. Came to a complete stop last night, after discovering my missing Ps.
Ps?
Best to start at the end - the back of Molly's book, where a first reading of her first sentence gave me pause: There are some people who only hope for the best, while others plan for greatness. Sheez! Is she saying that planning for greatness is a good sort of thing? Does it feel that way to me? Wasn't sure.
Reading on, talk about action & discover how to live in the moment & living your legacy put me more in my comfort zone.
Smiled at her use of "to the Nth degree," a term my family often used.
Totally related to adventure, live it to love it, explore, and make a difference & be the difference.
Settled back for an easy read, mildly engaged by Molly's 5 Ps - principles, passions, persistence, people & peace. Interesting, but hardly news. Thought to myself, "Never judge a book by it's back cover."
HA! The second sentence of the introduction made me sit up & take notice. Molly co-wrote a book - Do It Rhino Style, with Dave Magrogan - in 15 days!
Hmmm... For many months, the niggling thought, "It will take so long," has side-tracked me from writing my own books. Molly did one in 15 days.
By the time I headed off to sleep, had read the introduction & started on Principles. The chapter held great promise, starting out with a section on In spite of or Because of - people around us teach lessons on how TO do things or how NOT to. Related to how she stepped back to look at her parents as people, not just Mom & Dad. Molly had my attention.
It was last night that she stopped me in my tracks, just a page or two into my reading. Molly lists 20 core principles, with instructions to check off the 15 that spoke to me, then narrow that down to my top 10, and finally get it down to 5 core principles in my life.
What stopped me cold weren't the ones I picked - it was the missing Ps. The ones that didn't make it to any of the lists. The ones that didn't resonate with me. At all. They tell a tale, all by themselves.
Health. Order. Recognition. Wealth. Competitiveness.
My missing Ps.
My missing Ps.
Shook me up, realizing I never even paused to consider any one of those five. Oh, picked "economic security," but Wealth? Realized my response to that word was to move away from "getting rich, making money," and on to the more resonant "being involved with others" (Involvement).
The realization of my cool, shoving-away response to each of word sunk in & so did the awareness that there's more here than was previously apparent in my life.
One of those - yeah, it makes sense to one of them might not be a core principle. Maybe even a couple. But none? What about health, order, recognition, wealth & competitiveness makes me squirm? It wasn't just that they didn't resonate - they felt somehow incompatible with my core being.
Could that be a reason why I have so little of each in my life?
The first sentence on the back cover suggested that greatness was a good thing to expect & plan for, more than just hoping & working toward the best. Page 24 has me pondering why five of the core principles required to achieve greatness in addition to goodness are totally utterly completely outside my ken, feel anathema to my very sense of who I am.
Time to mind those missing Ps, to make them welcome, even if they don't make it to the Final Five.
Small book, big awareness.
SO Molly Sunshine!
Thursday, September 18, 2014
"Don't go back to sleep"
It took until 5:15 a.m. to accept that sleep really wasn't going to happen, until 5:30 a.m. for me to finally accept that it made more sense to get up than to be keeping John awake with my tossing & turning. So, here I be, writing a post about ONE of the things keeping me awake.
A week from tomorrow, John & I are mounting a joint art show at Be Well Bakery & Cafe. It's our second art show together, John's first at Be Well (much to my surprise, I did a summer-long exhibit of Bryn Athyn Bounty photos back in 2013).
The old me would have held off getting everything together until late Thursday night - next week. Not sure I'm all that crazy about being wide awake in the wee small hours worrying about getting John's pet-traits reprinted & ready for display, about writing new descriptions explaining the purpose of the show (John's art work & my outbursts of creativity), about finding a dress form to display the wedding dress Brenda drew out of an antique, hand-embroidered table cloth.
If the artists for our "pizza & music" opening gives a taste of the event, then we will do just great. Grayson Zuber & (I hope) a dear young friend who is an awesome songstress. We will see if that pans out. Whether it is a split bill or Grayson is the solo act, it will be an wonderful evening. Just one set, which is fine with us.
Gets me remembering our opening two summers ago at the gallery at the Bank of Princeton/Lambertville. Smiling, remembering the people who touched us deeply by showing up. If this opening is even half as special, it will be unforgettable.
Have to get the post card from the first show (John trimmed off the show-specific info) over to Copy Max to get ones run off for "Hey, friends - this is happening" postettes. Will get that done, with description on the back, today.
And I'm still writing thank you notes for our State of the Human letter, plus working on the crowdfund request that clamors to be posted by 09/29/14!! And it's crunch time for advertising Bryn Athyn Community Theater's fall production, Little Women. And working to stay awake aware active with revamping my life into sustainable patterns that will support me in rolling out what's in my heart.
This IS a crazy busy September. Will NEED my long, mid-October week at Rowe Conference Center to rest & restore!
A week from tomorrow, John & I are mounting a joint art show at Be Well Bakery & Cafe. It's our second art show together, John's first at Be Well (much to my surprise, I did a summer-long exhibit of Bryn Athyn Bounty photos back in 2013).
The old me would have held off getting everything together until late Thursday night - next week. Not sure I'm all that crazy about being wide awake in the wee small hours worrying about getting John's pet-traits reprinted & ready for display, about writing new descriptions explaining the purpose of the show (John's art work & my outbursts of creativity), about finding a dress form to display the wedding dress Brenda drew out of an antique, hand-embroidered table cloth.
If the artists for our "pizza & music" opening gives a taste of the event, then we will do just great. Grayson Zuber & (I hope) a dear young friend who is an awesome songstress. We will see if that pans out. Whether it is a split bill or Grayson is the solo act, it will be an wonderful evening. Just one set, which is fine with us.
Gets me remembering our opening two summers ago at the gallery at the Bank of Princeton/Lambertville. Smiling, remembering the people who touched us deeply by showing up. If this opening is even half as special, it will be unforgettable.
Have to get the post card from the first show (John trimmed off the show-specific info) over to Copy Max to get ones run off for "Hey, friends - this is happening" postettes. Will get that done, with description on the back, today.
And I'm still writing thank you notes for our State of the Human letter, plus working on the crowdfund request that clamors to be posted by 09/29/14!! And it's crunch time for advertising Bryn Athyn Community Theater's fall production, Little Women. And working to stay awake aware active with revamping my life into sustainable patterns that will support me in rolling out what's in my heart.
This IS a crazy busy September. Will NEED my long, mid-October week at Rowe Conference Center to rest & restore!
The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want. Don't go back to sleep!
Rumi
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