My birth faith teaches that Divine Providence can not be foreseen or even consciously experience in the present moment - it can only be seen in hindsight, in the rear view mirror, so to speak.
There are so many things - far more than I am aware of - over my life that helped prepare me for THIS moment, for doing what I can with what I have where I am at this point in time to help turn around my country's gosh awful culture of aging, where intergenerational communication & daily BEING with each other is rarer & rarer, where more & more olders feel obsolete, unnecessary, or - worst of all - a burden. Gives me goose bumps, looking at my life in that rear view mirror.
One moment particularly stands out, although far from the most major. In the spring of 2012, our television conked out. Knowing that the presidential primary & general campaigns would clog the airwaves with commercials, John & I decided to hold off getting a new telly until AFTER the elections.
By the time Nov 6 rolled around, we discovered that not having a t.v. has a lot of advantages we were reluctant to give up. Almost two years later & we are a) still without a television and b) we don't watch shows on the computer.
We read. Read & listen to the radio. And talk to each other.
While the "talk to each other" advantage goes straight to my heart, "we read" is even more important.
Television has been a major part of my life. It did far more than entertain; it helped me feel part of something larger. From my earliest memories, was always longing to be part of a greater whole, whereas my most influential sibs were about the importance of setting yourself apart. What I couldn't get with my family was waiting for me at ABC, NBC, CBS & the uhf channels.
In surprising ways, television - and movies aired on t.v. - was a key mentor in my developing a whole, sane life. There is a surprising amount of wisdom to be found in television writing, even more in film. I was introduced to two of the most profound insights of my life by watching Outward Bound and a subtitled Roshomon - at age 10 or 11!
By 60, had gleaned so much from my far from "boob tube" watching. Was ready for more. And it turned out that saying farewell to the telly opened the way for just that.
Looking in that rear view mirror, can see that Stewart & Colbert would have crowded out time for Lustbader & Richo. Without those two years of solid - voracious - reading, would not be well positioned to be a "go to" resource for friends of all ages facing the opportunities (yes, way more than challenges) of aging. Can help a young friend learn more about living with the end in mind and support a significantly older discover the advantages to "tripping the old-o-meter" upward into the eighties & beyond. Can share my cracker recipes with the young gals at yesterday's "Ladies Night" at our local swim club and introduce grannie clients to the decadent Italian bakery that just opened in a neighboring town.
Glancing in the rear view mirror & smiling. Now - eyes back on the road!
Friday, August 15, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
"And in dis cor-nah..."
"... da champeen of Deev's mind world, in da MOST gawdy callahs Emgeenabul, is da voice sayin' ... whatevah it iz da durty rat sez to stop her dead in her tracks!"
And in the other corner - me.
Over powered, out manuevered. You can't hit what you can't see. And this opponent was/is invisible, irrational & irreconcilably non-existent. Very loud, yet very NOT. Interesting to realize all the decades of feeling UN were because of a phantom that only felt like legion. And that - check previous posts - vocal phantom still puts up a powerful fight every time I make a move out of the corner I've boxed myself into.
Right now, it feels like putting a well-trained boxer up against someone still learning the rules. But give that new boxer the right diet, the right training, the right motivation, and watch things turn around.
First round - the first round I've taken a dive on every day - is making a solid daily practice of bed by 10:30 p.m., up by 6:30 a.m.; begin with a large glass of water, repeated throughout the day; feed the cats, then do the first of THREE sets of breath work exercises, spaced throughout the day.
So far, the voice has been Lucy to my Charlie Brown, always thinking doing the same thing will get a different result. Ditch that inner picture. Instead, imagine the voice as Bluto, myself as Popeye, a pop top can of kale at the ready. Looking forward to winning my first round, then going onto to win the fight.
And in the other corner - me.
Over powered, out manuevered. You can't hit what you can't see. And this opponent was/is invisible, irrational & irreconcilably non-existent. Very loud, yet very NOT. Interesting to realize all the decades of feeling UN were because of a phantom that only felt like legion. And that - check previous posts - vocal phantom still puts up a powerful fight every time I make a move out of the corner I've boxed myself into.
Right now, it feels like putting a well-trained boxer up against someone still learning the rules. But give that new boxer the right diet, the right training, the right motivation, and watch things turn around.
First round - the first round I've taken a dive on every day - is making a solid daily practice of bed by 10:30 p.m., up by 6:30 a.m.; begin with a large glass of water, repeated throughout the day; feed the cats, then do the first of THREE sets of breath work exercises, spaced throughout the day.
So far, the voice has been Lucy to my Charlie Brown, always thinking doing the same thing will get a different result. Ditch that inner picture. Instead, imagine the voice as Bluto, myself as Popeye, a pop top can of kale at the ready. Looking forward to winning my first round, then going onto to win the fight.
unexpected AH HA!
A literally indescribable - can't find the words - Omega workshop revealed the strength of inner blocks AND how much stronger an inner desire for true balance can bust through them.
The workshop assignment was to focus on an inner block, to think of our age when it first became noticeable. He went around the room, asking each one the age. Three people answered, "I got nothing." I was one.
But within moments, a block & age came to mind. 39. Moments later, fresh insight adjusted the age to newborn, a few days after coming home from the hospital.
Fascinating to feel first the empty sense of nothing, and letting that be reality. Then, to connect to a blocking moment & not pushing that. Just letting it be. Then, to what was the deepest accessible reality. Could not get there right off the bat. Took allowing & honoring for it to feel safe revealing itself.
It can feel frustrating, wanting to make a change for the better & having it seem to take so long, to experience what seems like set backs. Remember the Omega workshop. Let what's comfortable coming up to be enough, to fully honor & respect even nothing, if that's what comes. No focusing ahead, just letting whatever is BE, in a safe place. Maybe it's less about being & more about safety.
The workshop assignment was to focus on an inner block, to think of our age when it first became noticeable. He went around the room, asking each one the age. Three people answered, "I got nothing." I was one.
But within moments, a block & age came to mind. 39. Moments later, fresh insight adjusted the age to newborn, a few days after coming home from the hospital.
Fascinating to feel first the empty sense of nothing, and letting that be reality. Then, to connect to a blocking moment & not pushing that. Just letting it be. Then, to what was the deepest accessible reality. Could not get there right off the bat. Took allowing & honoring for it to feel safe revealing itself.
It can feel frustrating, wanting to make a change for the better & having it seem to take so long, to experience what seems like set backs. Remember the Omega workshop. Let what's comfortable coming up to be enough, to fully honor & respect even nothing, if that's what comes. No focusing ahead, just letting whatever is BE, in a safe place. Maybe it's less about being & more about safety.
Friday, August 8, 2014
throwing down the gauntlet
Challenged myself to be downright organized & well thought-out in writing my older2elder posts. Figure out what a theme for the week & stick to it. Be responsive rather than reactive. If I see something that begs for sharing with others, in MIGHT be right to share on the spur of the moment IF it fits into the week's framework. Otherwise, let it steep. Will just get richer, more textured.
Reminding myself that every aspect of everything I do must reflect the overall goal dangling in front of me. THAT is how things get done. At least,that is how I get things done. Can do scattered, but it is minimally effective. Just working isn't the same as WOW! All my life, have been sacrificing the great for the good, the mediocre, the just getting by.
Chalk it up to lack of focus,to natural distraction.
Thirteen years ago, I attended the annual conference of the National Polymer Clay Guild, being held nearby in Bryn Mawr. At one of the presentations, someone asked the artist how he generated ideas. He clutched his chest, did an exaggerated reel backwards, then came back to the mic with his anwer - "The problem is never how to generate ideas. It usually feels like I'm bombarded with ideas. The challenge is to pick out the rare choice ones, the ones worth investing energy in, the ones that matter." There are countless areas clamoring for attention, countless issues about aging saging eldering - even if I was forty years younger, would still only have time to focus on a handful. At 62, I have time for a few. Which will they be?
Guantlet thrown?
Reminding myself that every aspect of everything I do must reflect the overall goal dangling in front of me. THAT is how things get done. At least,that is how I get things done. Can do scattered, but it is minimally effective. Just working isn't the same as WOW! All my life, have been sacrificing the great for the good, the mediocre, the just getting by.
Chalk it up to lack of focus,to natural distraction.
Thirteen years ago, I attended the annual conference of the National Polymer Clay Guild, being held nearby in Bryn Mawr. At one of the presentations, someone asked the artist how he generated ideas. He clutched his chest, did an exaggerated reel backwards, then came back to the mic with his anwer - "The problem is never how to generate ideas. It usually feels like I'm bombarded with ideas. The challenge is to pick out the rare choice ones, the ones worth investing energy in, the ones that matter." There are countless areas clamoring for attention, countless issues about aging saging eldering - even if I was forty years younger, would still only have time to focus on a handful. At 62, I have time for a few. Which will they be?
Guantlet thrown?
Thursday, August 7, 2014
scoff marks
Friends & acquaintances typically scoff when I talk about how challenged I am at doing the social thing. Balk at my claim to be a social loner.
All they have to do is look at my Facebook postings. How many of them are about doing something, even with John? 99.99% are informational, comments about what's up in this nutsy world of ours, links to my various blogs. And zip photos.
Am comfortable with who I am, just not all that at ease with others. That's turned out to be a strength in what I am doing now. If I had the number & depth of friends that some assume are mine, wouldn't have any time for doing all the delving & deep thinking & creative conjuring in which I'm presently immersed.
Let 'em scoff. Everything in it's own time. Who would have thought I'd be where I am, doing all this way cool stuff on saging & eldering?!? Livin' the dream ~ except my dreams were never this WOW!
All they have to do is look at my Facebook postings. How many of them are about doing something, even with John? 99.99% are informational, comments about what's up in this nutsy world of ours, links to my various blogs. And zip photos.
Am comfortable with who I am, just not all that at ease with others. That's turned out to be a strength in what I am doing now. If I had the number & depth of friends that some assume are mine, wouldn't have any time for doing all the delving & deep thinking & creative conjuring in which I'm presently immersed.
Let 'em scoff. Everything in it's own time. Who would have thought I'd be where I am, doing all this way cool stuff on saging & eldering?!? Livin' the dream ~ except my dreams were never this WOW!
constants
Certain constants in my life are not going to change. My ideal day - no matter what my brain says in the moment - is still getting up by 6:00 a.m. (not after), starting off with a large glass of clear water, doing three sets of breath work a day. Has been true for years, will be true to the end of time.
Who is the greater dork - Tom Corbett for refusing to expand Medicaid coverage in PA or me for not taking care of the basics?
Keep recommitting, keep working on creating a ME who honors my mind, my body, my everything.
Who is the greater dork - Tom Corbett for refusing to expand Medicaid coverage in PA or me for not taking care of the basics?
Keep recommitting, keep working on creating a ME who honors my mind, my body, my everything.
sigh... still the poster child for universal health care
Did NOT qualify for the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare). Our earned income was high enough, but our taxable portion is too low. And our Republican governor, like his fellow GOP governors across the country, refused to expand the state's Medicaid coverage for folks such as moi.
Have to tell my g.p. that I wasn't able to get the blood work or the ob-gyn appt he's been at me to get. Not covered AND the providers can charge whatever they want since I'm not under any contracted plan.
Still the poster child for universal health care.
Have to tell my g.p. that I wasn't able to get the blood work or the ob-gyn appt he's been at me to get. Not covered AND the providers can charge whatever they want since I'm not under any contracted plan.
Still the poster child for universal health care.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)