paws on floor

As I took two loose-fitting, just-right-for-Omega tops into the front room to pack, I heard the sound of paws running toward the room.  Looking down, it was the soft, long red stripes of Rennie, not the short ones of Gryff.  Was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization of how many days it's been since Gryff begged "more please," running up to the room, dashing across & up to HIS special place.  How wonderful it will be to have him back to his sweetly demanding self.

This morning, he wasn't behind the couch.  Our hearts stood still until we found him, curled up under the end table.  I held my breath as I put an outstretched hand on his fur - he didn't stir, but there was a faint warmth as I lightly stroked his body, paying special attention to his head.  This is a lad who LOVES to be held & stroked & loved.  

As I picked him up, he became slightly more attentive.  John stood by me & showered loving attentions on our boy of boys.  Gryff seemed to be finally coming around, shifting in my arms.  When I put him down, he headed toward the kitchen.  Have never been so happy to hear paws on linoleum floor! 

Praise be, Gryff ate some breakfast & took some water.  John & I will give him his a.m. meds just before I head out.  

It will be harder than John can imagine to relinquish MY role of holding that beloved cat - so small compared to the "Big Red" who first & forever stole our hearts - and giving Gryff his tiny pill.  Am always aware of the blessing of our daily communion - a tender rapport.  Alas, reason wins out - the Keetmeister has to do it tonight through Sunday morning, so needs the practice. 

Whatever happens over the next days, Gryff only knows love & deep appreciation with us.  He might need to beg "more food, please," but that short-haired red tabby is always full up with love.

UPDATE 08/04/14 - John went to the vet for special cat food.  Gryff did an almost immediate turn around.  When I arrived home last night, HE was one of the cats greeting me at the door!  Amazed tonight to see him dash into the front room for his supper, then to chomp down the vittles!

mega milestone

Thank you, universe, for so many lovely presents BEFORE our 25th wedding anniversary arrives!  Tonight, John did some stuff that's driven me nuts for almost as long as we've been married.  And I didn't react in my old ways!  And this in spite of the fact that his lack of awareness & attentiveness put a dear friend in jeopardy.  Went right over his head - just wasn't paying attention.  Still disturbs me - a dangerous trait - but didn't go even a smidgen bonkers.  He's not going to change, because he can't see it.  You can't change what you can't see.  It's like stomping your feet because someone who is color blind doesn't compliment you on your blue sweater - not going to happen!

Praise be that I was born with the gift of being able to step back (most of the time), assess, consider, and see better ways.  Can't rail at those who weren't.  Might feel like a release, but that is illusion.  Blowing a gasket might feel like I'm letting off steam, but it is never a safe thing to do.

most radical shift of all - so far

Struck me last night that each of the things Mom left behind had meaning to her.  If she had died when she still lived in a house, rather than after she winnowed things down to a minimum when she moved in with us, everything she would have left would still have had value to her, even if just practical. 

If I died tomorrow, no one - not even John - would be able to divine what things of mine had value, practical or otherwise.  Too many.  More stuff than worthy items.  And that troubles me.  Troubles me deeply.

Time to whack away.  My guide will be, "Is this of value to me?"  If not, it goes.

Who is this woman?  Not sure how she got here, but I sure do like her!

"just a guy"

When I tell friends about going nuts when John processes PART of what's been shared, they inevitably say some variation of "he's a guy."

Well, sorry, but that means diddly squat to me.  He's as likely to stop processing crucial information as he is to stay listening through less essential info.  To him, it's all just "Yada yada yada, John."

in my bones

I know in my bones, in the very sinews of my being, that WHEN the time FINALLY comes that each morning starts with a glass of clear water, followed by the first of three sets of breath work exercises paced throughout the day, and a luscious bowl of steel-cut oatmeal studded with dried fruit & walnuts & 2 tablespoons of ground flax, my world will change in ways far beyond healthy living.

What I know now that I didn't a year ago is that if I really want to make it so, it will be so.  And if it isn't, it's because I don't really want it.  I just want to want it.

Which is it, Elsa?

BEST did not show

What a different feeling on a weigh-in Thursday to discover I gained a pound last week - and to know that I didn't put in my BEST effort where it is the easiest.  Picking the foods I eat.  

This past week, I have indulged.  Not big time, but definite.  

Blueberry pancakes were in, green veggies were out.  Not stacks of blueberry pancakes.  On both occasions, just one.  But a big one.  With butter & syrup or powdered sugar.  And the bare minimum of green vegetables & even fewer green leafy types.  

It's one thing when I weigh myself & there's a gain or maybe just no loss.  When I've given my best to watching what I eat, then it's just week where my body stayed stable.  But when I've veered off course, then there's the sense of, "Rats!"

I don't like that sense of "could have done it better."  Good better best - never stop to rest.  Make the good better & the better best!

head scratcher

I just can't fathom that only 8 people read Mom's 07/22/00 posting, Paddington Abroad.  

Maybe I'm also surprised at how deeply connected I am to THAT particular ancient e-mail, including the delightful Paddington story Mim penned about Elizabeth II's visit to Philadelphia.  For me, it captures a truly perfect moment in a truly perfect style, especially Mom's set up explanation of how the three of us went hog wild over our counttry's 200th birthday.  

Only 8 views. Am feeling sorry for everyone who missed it!