There I go again

Yesterday, inspired by what I read in Jen Sincero's You Are a Badass, I wrote a posting about my new awakening to what the word actually, at its root, means.  It explains why Dave & Candy accomplish so much with such apparent good grace & humor, while I have a greater struggle manifesting the life work it feels I was put here to do - they understand that deciding to do something means, first & foremost, involves knowing what NOT to do any more.  The posting focused on the little known - okay, not known to me - fact that the Latin root of "decide" means "to cut off," even "to kill off" (as in homicide, fungicide, genocide).  

So, last night I'm continuing to read Badass when i get to the short sentence, "'Decide' means 'to cut off.'"   

 

The Universe paused.

I looked at those few words & suddenly time zoomed backwards - to elementary school, high school, college, even my corporate life.  And to this past spring.

Once again, what Jen had talked about brought me to a core point before she made it.  "Once again," because that's been a trait of mine since what feels like forever.  Going to a place that someone's prepared me to reach BUT hasn't brought up yet.  A trait that did me dirt in my school life, my personal life, my professional life.  And here I was, once more getting ahead of the author in pondering a point she hadn't yet made.  

Seems to me that should be experienced as a kudo, not a problem.  But my teachers & workshop/seminar presenters seemed to take it as a slap in the face instead of a clap on the back.  

Throughout my school life - elementary through college & grad school - teachers were irked when I'd ask a question or raise a point about something they were ABOUT to discuss.  Did they feel I was stealing their thunder by bringing up something they were on the brink of discussing?  Not a single one said, "Wow!  How did you get that out of what I've said?  Because it's the very thing I'm discussing next!"  

No, all I got was a distinct chill & the hairy eyeball as they tried to distance themselves from my unsought comment or question.

My guess is that Jen would respond to my anticipating her point about the root of decide much like a workshop presenter did this past spring, at the 2015 Leading to Well-Being Conference.   For the first time EVER, when I brought up a point the presenter was ABOUT to make, she got EXCITED!  

"What's your name?  Deev, that's amazing - you brought up the very point that I'll be addressing in a few moments!  Can you share with us what it was that I said that triggered your comment?  Because you're absolutely on the right track..."

Throughout the rest of the workshop, she'd toss questions to me, even sought out my take on what she'd just said.  At the end of the workshop, other participants took a moment to say how much they'd appreciated my input.  

And there I was last night, that forever trait manifesting itself once more, providing the opportunity to really look my earlier experiences in the eye, see them for the downers they were, and realize how much, in my own teaching career, I gave positive recognition to students who made similarly unexpected leaps.

Weird, how I can see the disapproving faces of those teachers & lecturers & presenters, often looking like they'd like to throttle me on the spot.  And to remember how it felt to have someone think was WOW that her presentation had taken me to where she hadn't yet gone.  Thanks, Jen!

 

Rooting around the word DECIDE

Perhaps the #1 difference between people who seem successful in life - whatever that looks like to them - and those who aren't can come down to something as simple as a) actually knowing their minds ~and~ b) the ability to actually decide what they want to do.

It dawned on me last night that I've been working on the first for all of my life, while giving precious little attention to the other.  Up to now, I've been a pretty lousy decider.

Oh, I might feel like I'm deciding, but it's the rare time that I actually have.  Mostly, I'm making known to myself what I'd like to be so, not setting an intention in the deepest part of my being to make it so.  

It's one thing to decide what to do.  That feels really great.  Yea!  I have a new purpose in life!  What's not so great is actually SEEING what needs to be done to get there and - even more importantly - what we need to stop doing to achieve what we want.  

It feels like my tendency has been to set terrific goals, but layered them on top of all the other old stuff that makes it well nigh impossible to accomplish what needs doing.  Layers & layers & layers of old stuff that swallows up new aspirations, burying it under the seditiously familiar.

 

Picking out a Mary Engelbreit illustration to use in an earlier blog posting, it hit me - one of the very basic things friends who are delightfully successful do waaaaaay better than I in making decisions is recognizing what's written on the sign post for the path not taken:  no longer an option.  My friends decide what to do AND what's no longer an option.

 

Do YOU know the root of the word DECIDE?  I didn't.  It's "to cut off," also "to kill" (as in homocide, genocide, fungicide et al).  As in, to cut off all other options, as in "no longer an option."

That might seem like a no-brainer to you, but it was a HUGE "Ah Ha!" moment for me.  The fact is that I am surrounded by STUFF, physical stuff that holds me back.  And something in me wants to be held back, but it is a really dumb something.  Strong, determined - like the troll in Harry Potter.  

Do I really want to be like the troll in Harry Potter?

  

I think not!

But, at this moment in time, I am.  Time to start channeling Trevor Neville Longbottom, who was originally utterly hapless at successfully casting spells, but who not only finally succeeded, but matured from this as a young boy...

to this, 

and ultimately this!

You can bet that didn't happen without thought, work & great material to work with!

Well, I have great material to work with, absolutely no excuses for dithering, and a fresh awareness of what it really means to decide to do something - cutting off options that work against achieving my goal.  It's not just doing what will get me there, it's NOT doing what holds me back. 

Role models par excellence

Thinking about wondrously successful friends - on seemingly every level - whose career paths have taken many a fascinating twist & turn.  Together & individually, as parents, friends & physicians, they define purpose & prosperity.  

Have been pondering about what seems to differentiate them from other folks, from me.

For one thing, they seem able to leave things that are past in the past, rather than forever lugging 'em along.  

They see opportunities that are right in front of them, which a shocking number of us don't.  And they know which ones are interesting, which ones engage them & which are actually worth their time effort energy, appreciating the first two but connecting with the last.  

What is hard to see in the "Your Life" Mary Engelbreit illustration is what's written on the other sign post - "No longer an option."  My friends get that;  I am more challenged at setting aside what I haven't chosen for what I have.

 

When they decide to do something, it seems that the stuff that's unrelated to their decision is allowed to fall away, to keep to the side of their road rather than tumbling into their way. 

They are not single-focused, but know what they actually want to focus on & don't seem distracted by siren call of things that are seemingly seductive in the short term, but actually pretty meaningless.   

They embody the adage, "work hard, play hard."  When they work, they work; when they play, they play.  By making time for both, they can appreciate what they're doing as they're doing it.

They are bold adventurers in life.

On paper, they read like classic Type A personalities, but are marvelously laid back & FUN to be around.

They live in the present moment, which makes all of the above possible.

Qualities worth reflecting on...

 

 



 

UNvisible

Devouring Jen Sincero's You are a Badass, an outrageous book that's pushed me to places craving my awake & aware presence.  

Was first beckoned by the title, which is similar to Mom's bio.  And the subtitle ~ How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life ~ was promising.

Glory be, it's the perfect book to be reading in December 2015 - it captures a rawness that feels in sync with my present state.  

Jen goes way past being simply iconoclastic; she takes new approaches to well-known ideas, offers fresh bold perspectives on age-old challenges.  

 

I am well-versed in the idea that we hold onto self-sabotaging beliefs because something within them delivers "false rewards" - a negative image or  results that reinforce a familiar (albeit NEGATIVE) sense of a false self.  I've worked for close to twenty years searching for, identifying & rooting those suckers out.  The stuff that continues doing me dirt is different.  It doesn't reward, just dominates.  

If there was one thing that most of my family seemed to agree with, it was my UNness.  As in an unmember* of the clan.  Not simply outside of an inner circle, but outside of the family - period.  As a little kid, that message was received without being verbalized.  As an adult, I got it loud & clear, both verbally & in writing.  

Until reading ...Badass, it hadn't hit me how that message of UNness might have reconfigured my original operating instructions, stored deep in my subconscious.  It is impossibly hard to follow through on things that benefit ME.  For three years, I've been talking about submitting a crowd funding request underwriting my current work with elders & what beckons over the horizon.  Nothing has happened.  It's not procrastination; it feels like an unspoken forbidden, "Don't go there OR ELSE!" 

 

What I need is the reverse of Harry Potter's invisibility cloak.  I need a visibility cloak, one that lets me be ME.  

Just righting that, my breath got shallower, my forearms tensed.  WHOA!  Intrigued that I used the wrong "righting" - or maybe it's not.  Maybe writing about this IS a step to righting it.  All I know is that for someone who never knew what if felt like to be emotionally invisible to anyone except Dad, maybe Mike, it's a wrenching challenge to be visible to myself. 

Maybe the best way is to envision myself wearing visibility SHOES.  Maybe the best way to turn things right is by getting a some serious grounding under my feet.  

 

Because this foolishness has GOT to be addressed & set to rights.  My response to jazzy ideas & fascinating new directions should be juices flowing, energy bumped up to HIGH.  If only!  My current response is to grog down, to yearn for a snooze.  

No need to find the root cause, which is probably beyond my conscious mind; gotta recognize when that roll-over & take-a-nap response comes up to sit with it, let it know it's outworn its stay, the day has come for it to take a hike, and get it out of my head.  Or at least curled up in some remote corner of my mind, sleeping off decades of overexertion.

Okay, I have a tangible step to take, which is more than was there when I started writing this posting.  Recognize when I should be powering up & instead power down, acknowledge it, take next steps.  I might not be able to get completely over it, but - with awareness & action - will be able to get past it & more fully connect with my joyously visible viable vivacious badass self!

 

*Always remembering that Mim & Peter only became close  fairly recently;  for most of my life, they seemed to feel even more UN, within & without the family, than I ever came close to.  Small wonder I consider myself the Lucky Lockhart!