a long & winding road

originally posted on older2elder...

There it was again - an unexpected ZING! of inspiration.  Working on clearing out a corner of the om studio, making room for yet another book case, had Adam Braun's TED Talk on The Five Phrases That Can Change Your Life playing in the background.  

It's a pretty amazing talk, full of things it would be easy to shrug off as outside my world, my reach.  "Not surprised he succeeds - his roots, opportunities & resources give him the edge over most others, certainly over me," might have ruefully flitted through my head.

But then I started noticing the similarities.  Here is someone who believes in that being in precarious, or at least unfamiliar, situations, whacking your way through them, helps stimulate creativity & out-of-the-blue inspiration.  

Okay, he put himself in those places voluntarily, whereas I was repeatedly thrust into them, but it comes out to the same thing.  Realizing that your education is only beginning when you get that diploma or degree.  That most of what we need to succeed in life, to make a difference in the lives of others, isn't taught at Brown University or Bryn Athyn College.


What kept rambling 'round my brain through the rest of that day was that his #1 reason for working at Bain Capital was to get experience at starting a non-profit, which turned out to be Pencils of Promise.  What he did from conscious will, I got through what LOOKED like haphazard fate - the business background to create meaningful change, to put a structure around what might otherwise be pipe dreams.

The #1 thing that I took from Adam's TED Talk was how he intentionally put himself in the way of the uncontrolled, unexpected, unimagined, leaving himself open the whole way for the AH HA! moment he was sure would come.  And it did, in an unlikely place, from an unlikely source, thanks to an unlikely opportunity.  

My business experience - infinitely infinitesimal compared to Adam's - was unsought, yet now invaluable.  I'm certainly not a master of business systems, but - thanks to working at US Healthcare, Prudential, BISYS - am aware of them, of their importance.  Each business opportunity contributed to a foundation on which to build-out projects as dear to my heart as Pencils for Progress is to Adam - - creating a fresh awareness of the importance & power of aging naturally. 

Without those unsought, invaluable experiences under my belt, I'd flounder at how to make a reality of my Senior "Values Visions Dreams" Project ~or~ Cyber Access for the Technically Timid, at putting together a discussion circle fleshing out Nurturing A 5th Commandment Mindset.  My musings on writing Badass Grandma (my tribute to Mom's funky, fabulous spirit) or Gram-FAM-boly! or  Cooper, Keeper of the Gardens would be mere flights of fantasy.  

The life I have in 2016 is light years from anything I expected in 1976 - infinitely more astonishing, full of wonder & magic, every moment offering the promise of more, much more.  This long & winding road the Universe has set me on is beyond the beyond in all it offers.  

It's true that Adam Braun started out his adult life with mind-boggling advantages - an elite education, money, contacts, opportunities.  How easy it would be to think, "If I had his life..."  Praise be, I have my own, one that comes with some pretty WOW advantages that are mine, all mine.  

My thanks to Adam for helping me appreciate anew all that I've gained from an unexpected quarter century in Corporate America, from learning the language of systems, the importance of quantifying & putting firm foundations under dreams so they can become reality.

It's impossible to express how it feels looking back at my often perilous long & winding road, looking at the ground on which I stand at this moment, to peer down toward the next horizon.  

Cyber Access for the Technically Timid (CATT) - making accessing the Internet, Facebook, Skype, blogging as simple for the aging & elderly as sitting next to a friend

Values Visions Dreams - a template for connecting to present day values, composing a Vision Statement, drawing up & pursuing dreams

Nurturing a 5th Commandment Mindset - a multi-faith discussion circle considering the meaning & ramifications of "Honor your father & your mother that your days may be long & prosperous" 

Badass Grandma - a tribute to my complex, exasperating, inspiring & flat-out astonishing mother, Katharine Reynolds Lockhart

Gram-FAM-Boly! - a collection of fun things to do while visiting older friends or family that bridges ages & interests

Cooper, Keeper of the Gardens - a children's story set in the gardens of the sweet cathedral high on a hill in my little hometown 

Enjoying working my way down that

long & winding road

that's my life!

kid in a candy store

It took 64 years to experience life as I always believed, deep in my heart, it's meant to be lived - with massive joy.  No matter what happened to me, no matter how hard the knocks life dealth, that core belief never waivered.  

Which is not to say that life was always infused with happiness, that caring connections & heartfelt relationships were invariably reciprocated, that everything in my garden was rosy.  For long stretches of time - no, no & no. BUT something in me never lost the vision of what life is meant to be, even if it wasn't in any given moment, week, year.

Every day, I get to wake up & know that the day stretching before me is going to be incredible.  My default experience is feeling like a kid in a candy store.  There is some great work to be done, work for which I am uniquely - yes, unique is the right term - suited, work that is meaningful & exhilarating.

Every day, new AH HA moments come crowding into my heart & head, each clamoring for attention.  While most of my classmates & school chums contemplate retirement or already have, I am full wallow in the busiest, most exciting days of my life.

The challenge facing me isn't finding something rewarding to do, but figuring out from a bounty of possibilities which few to pursue.  That means setting a lot aside, which is a tough task, but essential.  Too often, keeping a tight hold on too many grand goals too often translates into none done well, or any done at all.

Am learning it's a balancing act.  Which ones have the most promise for the greatest impact?  Which will take weeks, which months, which years?  Do I start with most one that's relatively simple or one that could make the greatest difference?  

 

Several (!) books ramble around my brain, each clamoring to be set down on paper, published.  They are not priorities.  They might not get to page or to print, but just having them flitting through my grey matter makes a difference to ME.  Nurturing a 5th Commandment Mindset, Gram-Fam-Boly!, Badass Grandma, Cooper of the Gardens - - in my heart & brain & spirit, they've already been written.  The world might not benefit from their contents, but I have.  They have my thanks, but they're currently on hold.

Not so with Cyber Access for the Technically Timid (CATT) or my spin on ANC's Senior Project, #1 & #2 on my must-do list.  For years, CATT has been first in my heart, but - since last week - they both share that honor.  (Long story, to be shared later!)

If not me, who?  If not now, when?  A young friend, whose own life path is an inspiration to me, quoted that to me last week.  

How many people get to experience life like a kid in a candy store?  I know how many were created to - ALL of us.  I was just lucky enough to move out of my way enough to finally get here.  Not brilliant, inspired or even lucky ~  just never let go of the deep-in-my- heart belief that we're created for a life of joy!

it's easy to talk with strangers

 
Listening to a vibrant TED talk on "7 Ways to Make Conversation With A Stranger."  It's really good, lively & uplifting.  And it would have offered me absolutely nothing that I could use to help with my paralyzing challenge - how to carry on a decent conversation with people I already knew, who already knew me.  Often, people who've known me for at least 2/3 of my life. 

In those situations, I froze.  Or, worse, I found myself regressing to my teen-twentysomething self who presupposed I was a boring dunce, who usually deflected anything positive, who exuded my sunny self but baffled others with my cynicism.  Or to my late twenties-late thirties self, whose idea of a friendly discussion topic was dredging up family traumas - light years from what they expected.  If they weren't unsettled with how the conversation went, I was!  And feared never being able to do any better. 





Where are the TED talks on how to talk comfortably with people who experienced you at your worst?  That is a talk that would have millions of people surreptitiously watching it over & over to glean all the fine points.

It  was always easy for me to start a conversation with someone I'd never met.  Talking with a longtime acquaintance left me quaking & sure of messing up, so I'd tense up, send stressed-out body language. 

One of the super terrific things about getting older is being able to look back at my talking terrors with a sense of humor.  I was so busy comparing myself to others who seemed so much more conversation savvy that I created the very problem that obsessed me!  Measuring myself against an imagined ideal left me crippled, sure of my own deficiencies.

 
The young presenter advises approaching each stranger as if he or she is a new book waiting to be opened.  The same is true of opening up a conversation with someone you sort of know, who's known you since what feels like forever.  Treat the moment like you're opening up a book, one you started before but never finished.  What's waiting to be discovered, enjoyed, savored?  You'll only know by turning the pages. 

It's easy for me to talk to total strangers.  And it's finally easier for me to talk to longtime friends & pleasant acquaintances, making new discoveries, remembering forgotten memories, laughing out loud at quips & dismal puns.  As long as I keep turning those pages.

On the power of releasing grievances

Begin today's extended practice period by searching your mind for those against whom you hold what you regard as major grievances. Some of these will be quite easy to find. Then think of the seemingly minor grievances you hold against those you like and even think you love. It will quickly become apparent that there is no one against whom you do not cherish grievances of some sort. This has left you alone in all the universe in your perception of yourself. 

Determine now to see all these people as friends. Say to them all, thinking of each one in turn as you do so: 

I would see you as my friend, that I may remember you
are part of me and come to know myself.

 

Spend the remainder of the practice period trying to think of yourself as completely at peace with everyone and everything, safe in a world that protects you and loves you, and that you love in return. Try to feel safety surrounding you, hovering over you and holding you up. Try to believe, however briefly, that nothing can harm you in any way. At the end of the practice period tell yourself: 

Love holds no grievances. When I let all my grievances
go I will know I am perfectly safe.

The short practice periods should include a quick application of today's idea in this form, whenever any thought of grievance arises against anyone, physically present or not: 

Love holds no grievances. Let me not betray my Self.

In addition, repeat the idea several times an hour in this form:

Love holds no grievances. I would wake to my Self by
laying all my grievances aside and wakening in Him.

 from A Course In Miracles



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