It's "cease" to do evil - not "conquer"

From my earliest years, I heard the admonition -  "Conquer evil!"  That we have to first conquer evil in order to then truly do good.  And that made a lot of sense to me.  Subjugate the hells in order for the heavens to triumph.  Except, it turns out, the reality isn't quite as straighforward.  We CAN cease to do evil;  we can't conquer evil.  Not only can't, but putting serious effort into the attempt can boomerang, doing more harm than good.

One of the very first books I read in my search for saner living was Taming Your Gremlin, by Rick Carson.   This would have been around 1985, when my life was precariously balance between professional satisfaction & family frustrations.  (Years before the arrival of one of the most balanced, emotionally healthy & whole humans on the planet - John Richard Murphy, aka "my John." )

As much as I'd love to quote from it extensively, my copy is nowhere to be found - probably lent to someone who hopefully lent it yet another somebody.  A pity, since the book was the basis of many an interesting breakfast discussion between Mom (equally raised with the charge to conquer evil) and moi.

While a lot of Rick talks about is old hat to folks in 2015, back in 1984, when the book was first published, and in 1990, when I first read it, it was brand new thinking.  Your greatest obstacle to happiness is the voice inside your head?  Radical stuff back then!  

 

Three key things to know about the gremlin in our head:  a) it has only one purpose - to make us miserable;  b)  the more we attack it in an attempt to conquer it, the stronger IT gets; and c) we can't get rid of it anyway - it's here to stay.

Sounds hopeless.  At least it's hopeless as long as we're dedicated to utterly vanquishing it - not going to happen.  Our gremlin is in our head to stay.  But Rick shares the key to mollifying that pesky gremlin, hell-bent on making us miserable ~  notice it, give it a tip of our hat, AND MOVE ON.  Move past it to better things.  DO NOT ATTACK IT - the more we fight our gremlin, the more power we give it.  Stop.  Notice it, give it a tip of your hat, move on.  Simple, but not easy.

Definitely life changing.  Could see the wisdom of Rick's message.  "Ceasing" doesn't conjure up the same images of mighty forces at work that "conquering" does.  Conquering is BIG, ceasing is small.  Small, but mighty.     

1. No war zone: Our saboteur(s) are here to stay so don’t try to fight or battle with them.  Acknowledgement is key.
2. Personification: The saboteur(s) get smaller and more manageable when we name it, claim it, and describe it
3. Sandbox: When you recognize that the saboteur(s) has shown up, simply tell it to go play somewhere else.
4. Values: When we focus on our strengths and values, there is no room for the saboteur(s), and they quickly fade into the distance.
- See more at: http://www.thecoachesbookclub.com/2012/05/11/book-2-taming-your-gremlin-by-rick-carson-introduction-chapter-1-the-essentials/#sthash.IA7ZBpBc.dpuf

Look over Tips from the Gremlin Tamer - none of them are big & flashy;  they're all small, doable for even the most fledgling Gremlin Tamer.  Several of my favorites are: 

• Breathe! Your breathing is both a barometer and a regulator of your level of contentment.
• Simply Notice. Notice your thoughts, feelings, fantasies, memories and assumptions and notice that the Natural You is not any of these.
• Your past is not attached to you. You may be holding onto it. But it is not holding on to you.
• When you're not sure what to say, consider saying, "I'm not sure what to say."  

To this day, 30+ years after first reading Rick's book, it's still HARD to practice the simple thought that awareness & choice are primary to noticing.  The lesson has been learned, but too rarely practiced!  It's so much easier to just not be aware, unable to make a wiser choice.  Oblivion.

Turns out that simply noticing - the KEY step to taming our gremlin - is about as simple as it gets.  It takes effort to put my attention somewhere other than on the person or task or opportunity right in front of me.  But twisted training's made it much tougher than it naturally is, my gremlin does everything possible to divert my attention anywhere other than where I am. Remember remember remember - "Simply noticing requires effort, not strain."  Powerful things can happen when we chose to be curious, to see what's happening, rather than critical & all-conquering.

Simply notice evil, do good.  Maybe that's what should be taught.  Notice the evil, choose the good.  Here it is, 33 years after first reading about gremlins, and mine still controls a shock portion of my actions than is swayed by the Natural Me, the real self born for fabulous things!

Am grateful to be reminded, at this precise moment in my so-called existence, of Taming the Gremlin.  As much as it spoke to me, am tremendously aware of the fact I totally blew off one of its most crucial messages - the importance of mindfulness exercises in effectively dealing with our gremlin.  That & reducing the clutter in my life - the two things my very powerful gremlin does everything possible to keep me from practicing.  Interesting.  Notice - tip my hat - move on.  MOVE ON.  Do the thing my gremlin is black heart-set against.  Feel the power of the gremlin, experience it, recognize it - then tip my hat & move on.

DOING mindfulness work/breathing exercises, reducing the clutter currently filling my e-mail box & house & car trunk, taking my new laptop OUT of its box & getting help learning how to use Windows 10, reclaiming my cyber access savvy then moving forward with Cyber Access for the Technically Timid.   

Notice the gremlin throwing up every barrier possible to keep each of these from becoming reality; notice it & give it a tip of my hat, moving on to practice practice practice the lessons about gremlin training first learned long ago.  It's never too late to cease to do evil, then to do good!

 

  . 

Cease to do evil

Much as I love your artwork, Mary, have got to tell you that this illustration is just wrong - the order is reversed & that affects everything.  
 
From childhood, it was impressed on me that we must FIRST to do evil - what harms - and THEN what is good.  Layering good onto of what harms corrupts, even nullifies, the good into mere phantom of what it is meant to be.

So, am going to start a ponder of things I continue to do that serve absolutely no purpose, that are harmful even if they seem merely mediocre or iffy.  It's not enough to realize that Mary E. got the order all wrong - I've got to realize & accept the crucial importance of first departing from evil & then doing the relevant good that I've neglected.  

As a child, I learned that teaching.  As a teen & adult, could see its wisdom.  But it feels like what I've learned is too often NOT what I live.  

In my here & now, it's essential that I pair practice practice practice until what I learned so long ago becomes what I know, what I live, in each present, radical moment.

 

 

 

Brain gamesmanship

At 63, am striving to up my level of play at the Game of Life (the real deal, not the board game).  Doing a mega low tech mind scan to figure out why I persist in melting down when presented with an interesting challenge than I am to zoom into energy over-drive.

The folks I consider the best friends we've got in this or any other universe are just the opposite.  Present them with an intriguing opportunity & they go into mental/emotional triage, determining if it's a) of sufficient interest to keep hold of their mental energies from start to FINISH  and b) offers sufficient emotional connection to successfully encourage spur badger them from start to FINISH.  They have the gift of recognizing the difference between what engages their awareness, what engages their interest & what truly engages their hearts - i.e. is worth engaging their energies.  

They know the difference between learning something & learning it, then practicing.  What a concept! 

In order to develop healthier habits, learning & practice practice practice is an absolute necessity.  In order to achieve my ultimate improved state - where my norm is more in sync with my BFs - it's necessary to do the very thing I want to ultimately learn.  To break my ineffective habits, then replace them with ones actually geared to moving my life onward & up up upward, means learning & practicing over & over with a range of currently fumbling life practices.  
 

 

It's by doing just that - learning followed by practice practice practice of a new & improved pattern - that the way will be cleared for the big change, the one I can prepare the psyche to receive but that's about all I can do.  All of the smaller changes - effectively recognized accepted overhauled - are required prep for the biggie.

All my life, I've loved learning new things.  For the most part, that's where my pleasure ended - with the rush of learning the new.  Investing time & energies doing the grunt work to deepen the new learning, actually intertwine it with my mind & spirit?  Nah - that was boring.  Much more fun to move onto the next new rush of some fresh tidbit learned.  Result - never feeling the joy of hard work followed by an accomplished goal.  Not to be underestimated!

Up until my mid-30s, it was my practice to purchase interesting looking book, particularly books about history.  There were dozens of history-related books on my shelves, all of which looked impressive & very few of which I'd ever actually read.  The fun was in the discovery, the purchase - reading them was not my next natural step.  

Today, book shelves in the living room, den, computer studio, front room, bedroom are packed with even more books, books on a wide range of subjects but primarily about a range of personal dynamics.  And they've all been read, many reread.  Today, I don't buy a book unless I intend to actually read it.  That's a big step forward - and it only took me 37+ years to take.  And I did it.

 

In the here & now, I need to treat the things that dangle themselves in front of me to do with the same discernment.  Instead of loading up my mind with things that draw my attention, even spark my interest, I have to be as clear-headed as I am with book purchases - which will I actually stick with to completion?  Identify those few, embrace them, then practice practice practice until they make the final leap from learned to completed.

Turns out that what it takes to get to a great, expansive, fulfilling life is the same if you're a kid or eligible for AARP - practice practice practice!   

 

Goosebumps & tears

Once again, the Universe knocks on out of the park on my behalf!  Although I've got to admit to tears as I round the bases.

Got a "didn't see it coming" call this afternoon informing me that a beloved older friend will be interacting totally within the personal care unit at her "senior life care" community.  

The staff isn't happy with how long it is taking her to adjust (she moved in two or three weeks ago from independent living) & thinks it will benefit her to be totally where she is, at least until she gets acclimated to it & becomes friends with the residents there instead of wishing she could see her old friends.  Makes a lot of sense to them, since she doesn't remember that she does see them.  Their thinking - if she doesn't remember, why bother?  

Although I see things differently, can also understand how they come to their point of view.  Besides, having her anchored to her room rather than flitting about as she is now will be better for the unit's established routine.  

(How many other personal care residents go into Center City Philadelphia to hear a jazz trio?  My guess is not a lot!)

My prayers are that it all works out as they hope.  And the other aide who's been a strong right arm for my friend will still be with her - unlike me, she's experienced in working within traditional methods.  

My strength is in the slightly funky, my goals as off beat, slightly off-kilter as they were back in my teaching days.  I celebrate the individual over convention & complacency.  

Besides, my mantra is also my reality - when the family makes a decision, it's theirs.  Step back.

On the other hand, although I certainly didn't expect to lose a crucial job in the middle of this afternoon's nap (yep, was wakened out of a deep sleep by the call!), the change in fortunes could be wildly advantageous - if I let it be.  The Universe has given me a remarkable opportunity - if I have the guts to accept it.  

Talk about goosebumps - I look back over my life & there's a spectacular string of newly opened (sometimes reopened) doors waited for me to walk through!  

Thank you, dear Universe - keep 'em coming!

Terrifying nightmare

Is it the approach of Halloween or too much of John's birthday cake last night, but I had the most terrifying nightmare in the wee small hours of this morning.

Dreamed I was hired by a college to teach a course in film - movies.  Wow!  How exciting!  Then, I learned that all of the films on my syllabus were dreadful horror films. I didn't have the freedom to change the course offerings, would be forced to sit through each one, couldn't work on anything else during class time, and had no out from my 5-year contract.  

Tod Browning, Wes Craven & Alfred Hitchcock couldn't come up with scarier!

Spanning the centuries ~ guest posting - Mim memory

originally posted on thevelveteengrammie.blogspot.com....

Spanning the centuries 07/24/00

I finally got my facts straight.  The space launch that we saw was Apollo 15, which took off in summer 1971.   

 

Less than 20 minutes after liftoff, the Cape was drenched with a heavy rain.  I could understand why Mim & Elsa were pacing before launch.  It moved in really fast.  There was not much talking as we waited in the car to get into the long stream of traffic.  There was so much to think about and too few words to express it.

I do not have many memories of the drive home, aside from looking forward to a wonderful treat - Mim would swing home via Williamsburg so I could get a glimpse of the marvelous restoration.  I was so excited.  I pictured us walking the Duke of Gloucester Street, checking out places from favorite parts of Elswyth Thane's beloved "Williamsburg" book series - Dawn's Early Light, Yankee Stranger and Ever After are my three favorites.  I practically knew them by heart.  I could not believe that I would be on the Duke of Gloucester Street, stroll past the King's Arms, gaze at the Palace and Bruton Parish Church, take in sights that I had seen hundreds of times in my mind's

eye.  I intended to make the most of the few hours we could spare. 

Mim made my day by driving right up to the Williamsburg Inn, which was every bit as elegant and world class as the pictures.  Elsa dashed in to check on if we could get a cup of tea.  When she came back, she and Mim were flashing each other big cheeky grins.  Actually, come to think of it, they had been very excited about this short stop-over in Williamsburg ever since the thought first came up, back on our first night's stopover in Weldon, NC. 

Mim guided the van past the Inn's portico and back out onto the street.  I practically had conniption fits when she, bold as brass, parked right behind one of the colonial houses, even though a sign CLEARLY warned, "For Guests Only."   

I clucked with worry, "The sign says this parking is for guests only.  We will get in trouble."  Mim looked over at me with a very satisfied smile and said, "Only if we weren't guests.  We're staying here overnight." 

Well, I just could not believe.  I do not mean that lightly - I really could not believe it.  I could not believe it when the girls took the luggage out of the car, I could not believe it when they took out a key (that was what Elsa was really getting at the Inn), could not believe it when they set our bags and baggage inside the Orlando Jones law office.  It was a dream come true.  

The girls had dreamt up the whole thing on the first lap down, after I had gone and on about how much I had always wanted to see Colonial Williamsburg.  They had called from our motel in Weldon, NC and managed to get reservations for a small residence – it was once the office for a colonial law practice - with two beds, one upstairs for Mim and Brooke, one downstairs for me and Elsa.  They had made dinner reservations at Christiana Campbell's and breakfast reservations at the Inn.

It was a magical time, especially when it turned out that the back yard of the law office bordered that of the music master's house, so we had a concert that night practically right on our own back doorstop.  I can see and hear it still. 

One of my happiest memories was being able to walk into a colonial home and call it our own, for however short a time.   It really did feel like Tibby Dawes or Julian Day might go past us at any moment, that we would spot St. John Sprague with the beautiful Regina on his arm.  

We were pampered the next day at breakfast.  What wonderful service in what a beautiful setting.  Breakfast at the Williamsburg Inn is still a favorite memory of mine.  I hope to enjoy it again at least once before being reunited with Pete. 

Special does not begin to describe that stay.  I was very lucky to have the sort of daughters who recognized a dream when they heard it, then did their best to make that dream a reality.  I blessed them then, I bless them now for the loving thoughtfulness and generous natures they revealed to their stunned and happy Mom. 

Am about to don my night cap and wend my way up the wooden hill. 

Love to you all - Grammie Kay