Most magical month of my life

September 2014.  Hands down, most magical month of my life.  Remembering that my definition of magic is "when things work out as they were supposed to from The Beginning."  

On so many levels, it ended in a glorious flourish.  I learned - after 25 years - that my husband's recall of stuff is triggered by a sense of place, whereas mine is triggered by the people/activity/content.  MEGA Ah ha!

I realized that the words Peter Wimsey shared with his new wife, Harriet Vane, beautifully describe me & a core reality of my life - no matter what I do, shall always be experienced by many as a scandal & a hissing.  Which I chalk up to my determination to look at things through as clear a lens as possible, to recognize tendencies & shift past as much as I can holding onto a hidden personal agenda, and to do everything in my power to see to the best of my ability another person's point of view - without compromising or scuttling my own beliefs & values.  Turns out, when a person makes a pretty decent success of doing that, a shocking # of others attribute a hidden agenda anyway!!

Hence, perennially being a scandal & a hissing.

At the end of Sept '14, that's okay.  

It is what is.  

When I turned 50, it fully dawned on me for the very first time that I don't know.  Enough years had passed that I could realize all the time I was so sure of something & it turned out to be a totally different way.  Just acknowledge it up front - I don't know.  Oh, the sense of liberation!

At 10:43 p.m., on 09/30/14, 

am okay utterly accepting that

things are what they are.  

I will always & forever try to see the big picture rather than just the itty bit that supports my life view (and, yes - I do have one).  

I will always & forever be a bouncy Tigger (with, I hope, a bit of Kanga), full of enthusiasm & enjoyment of others & of life.  

It doesn't matter how people feel about me - what they think about me is none of my business.  

I do family.  Always have, always will.

Relationships of every type fill me with joy.  

My life overflows with magic, as I believe everyone's is supposed to.  

My life task is the same as it has always been - doing what I can to help others get out of their own way, to keep pathways clear for the unimaginably fabulous, to know that we were put in this place at this moment to learn more than to earn - not that earning a nice, lovely substantial income isn't great. It's just not the end all & be all.  

Thank you, Universe ~ September 2014 was filled with magic beyond my expectation, wildest hopes, greatest feats of imagination.  May October & all the months, years that follow be equally astonishing!

majority rules

Decide how you want to use the majority of your time.

Wait a second - let's tweak that...

Decide how you're already using the majority of your time

Does it fit into what you think you want to be doing with your life?

That feel right to me.  More on target & on task - for the person wanting more out of life - than the first step.  Because it's easy satisfying comforting to think about how we want to use our time or our skills or any of our resources.  That is such stuff as dreams are made of.  But taking the time to notice how I am actually using what I have at hand, any & all of it, can be sobering.

Our lives reflect what we put our time & energies, effort & resources on.  If I spend a couple hours in the morning as part of a lively & seemingly important online discussion, those are hours I'm not spending doing other things.  Am I happy with that?

How do I use the majority of my time?  Where am I focusing my attention & efforts?  From moment to moment, from hour to hour, from day to day - am I even aware of doing either of those things?

Vashali says, "You are what you love ~ and you love what you put your attention on."  Where, at any given moment, am I putting my attention?  Is it keeping me in place or moving me forward?

My life is a reflection of how I spend the majority of my time et al.  How does it look?  How does it feel?

unequal v. unfair

Interesting.  As part of a Facebook discussion, I talked about realizing from a very early age that things my brother did were off limits to me.  He tramped all over Europe & hitchhiked around Australia. Even as a kid, it was clear such adventures were not in my future.  

Someone responded, " Yes, it is unfair. Everyone's purpose is theirs alone. There is more unfairness for some than others."

Hadn't expected that.  My post didn't mention it being unfair.  It wasn't.  It was unequal.  The fact is that, being a guy, my brother didn't have to face the same safety issues as a girl.  That's just the way things were, maybe still are.  
Unequal is not unfair.  Unfair is having two people able to do the same thing & one excluded based solely on gender.  

the work in front of me

Arrgghhh!  Can't remember where I read this (just recently!), but have been thinking about how it's spot on ~ the work I am drawn to do, my elder care anarchy, is not a calling.  It's what's in front of me, waiting to be done.

It's what's in front of me, rather than a calling.  

What about that appeals to me?  Isn't it just semantics?  

It's the practical nature of it.  The call to action.  The realization that the work is right in front of me, right now.

That's what grabbed my heart on first reading it (wherever) - it's here NOW.  There's no guarantee the work or my ability to do it will be the same next year, next month, next week, even the next day. 

For someone like myself, someone challenged to move from concept to plan to action to completion, it is not just a call to action, it's a gosh darn kick in the butt. 

straighten up & fly right!

Remember Kevyn's advice to Mom - You know what to do.  Now, do it!

It's not about easy or hard. It's what needs to be done.  It's what's in front of me.

willful amnesia

Whenever I have any form of eggs - as I did tonight - or milk or ANY product of an animal, it is due only to willful amnesia.  And a callous disregard for the well-being of another creature.  At those times, I am no better than the grannie client who utterly believes that God created cows in order to provide milk for humans.  Actually, am way far worse - I know better.

 

"I know now."

There are no three words in the English language that upset me more than those three.  And it feels like John should know that by now.  It's been 25 years.  They drove me batty when he said them the first time, umpty ump years ago - about something that he actually DID know before - and every time he's said it since.  

The sad & sorry fact is that I've put in a lot of emotional sweat equity working through a truly whacked out family & an unimaginably large amount of personal issues that I hung around my own neck.  Remarkably few things continue to take me to the deepest darkest places that took me decades to get past.  That statement is one of them.  

Because every time he uses it, it's inevitably about something that he did know, usually something that had been discussed on multiple occasions, but which he just didn't bother to take the time energy consideration to remember.  

This was so not a good evening, not for either one of us.

Taking "everything" back

It would be lovely to say, "These two sentence can break the enchantment that keeps most eyes from seeing touching experiencing the magic that surrounds us."  

But that's not, I realized after writing my last posting, how things are.  

For me, the words that unlocked unseen, boundless worlds were "Be prepared to be surprised" & "Expect everything."

The ONLY thing that I can say for absolute sure is that they very likely may NOT work for anyone else.  It would all be too easy if life was that simple.  It's not, it's not supposed to be.  That's what makes it special.

To me, magic is a name for when things turn out the way they were always supposed to, at least in The Creator's original & only plan.  And we see that magic around us when whatever words break the spell that we've woven around ourselves that keeps our sight distorted, our feelings skewed, our senses out of whack.  And we each have to find our own words, in our own time...  transcending time.  

I can no more tell anyone else the words that break the spell that grips most humans than I could hand them one of the books that changed my life view with the promise it will do the same for them.  It won't. They have to find their own enlightenment.  

So, I hereby take back "everything."  Those are my words.  Go find your own - or share the ones you've found, the ones that have already helped you break through to see the magic that surrounds us.

It's a Magical Life - starring ME

It took until 62, but am now fully prepared to accept that life is filled with magic.  To realize that most of the time - 99.9999999999999999999% - we don't see.  In spite of it being smack dab in front of us.  We just don't see it.  Look right through it.  

And on the rare occasion that it does manage to glimmer through, we - being the practical sensible reasonable beings we are - chalk it up to luck coincidence chance.  

Mastering two simple sentences - feeling their truth throughout every fiber of your being, in every nook & crannie of your soul - is all that's needed to see through the heavy curtains that block our view of delight wonder amazement.  

Expect everything.

Be prepared to be surprised.

Now, those aren't so difficult to fathom, are they?  Or maybe they are.

When I first heard, "Be prepared to be surprised" (the last line in Dan in Real Life), my world shifted.  Could feel it.  But sprinkle in & stir "Expect everything" & voila ~ ~ all boundaries, all expectations of the prosaically practical, the utterly everyday, the unfailingly uninspired totally completely forever fall away.  

And you're left with a life filled with magic.  

Or at least I am.  

Hopefully John, too.  

Introducing Bob & Melinda Blanchard

Bob & Melinda Blanchard are my all-time favorite serial entrepreneurs!  From the first moment I spotted A Trip to the Beach, they were my beau ideal business model, following their dreams no matter how whacky they might seem to the conventional world.  

The name was already familiar.  I adored their Blanchard & Blanchard salad dressings & ice cream toppings.  True entrepreneurs - they sold their food business, as they'd previously sold their kitchenware company, and moved with their young son to...  Anguilla. To start a restaurant.   Riiiiiiiggghhhtttt...

Suffice it to say, it was a smash!  Typical reviews include...
There are not enough words to describe how much we love Blanchards. First off, the staff is always very friendly and most attentive. We have been coming to Anguilla for many years and this has quickly become our favorite lunch spot. They have quite a selection to choose from which makes it nice you can eat several days in a row and try new dishes each time. We really like the bowls, they are quite filling and very reasonably priced. The picnic table area is always tidy and you can tell the staff enjoys their work as well as their customers. A pleasant experience each time, never disappointed and they take time to get to know their customers. Most appreciated and highly recommended! Would give them more that a five if possible!  Thank you for never disappointing.

Not that they ever lost their New England roots.  While Melinda hails from NYC, Bob is a 7th generation Vermonter.  That's where they moved after getting married (met at college, where both majored in psych).  Vermont's where they got their first taste of success - always with food-related businesses, it seems.  It's where, with their son, they recently built a home - without previous experience - from the ground up (wisely leaving the plumbing & electrical to experts).  They split their time between the Green Mountain State & the lush blue waters around Anquilla, long their favorite Caribbean island.

Bob & Melinda don't just live success, they preach it.  My copy of their 2008 book, Changing Your Course ~ The 5-Step Guide to Getting the Life You Want, is filled with thumbed down pages, scribbles & underlines & notes in the margins, littered with dozens of bright pink sticky notes.  

One thing that sets them apart from most of us humans is that they know when they are dissatisfied with something, then expect to turn things around.  

As young marrieds, they realized working in social services agencies wasn't feeding either of them in the way they needed.  It offered meaningful work and steady pay checks, but no nourishment.  

Those crazy kids - and their 18-month son - started on the first of their many business adventures, funneling a not-too-small but not really-all-that-big an inheritance into a kitchen supply story.  And the rest is food history!

First, their kitchenware store.  Success!  Then, Blanchard & Blanchard.  Super yummy success!  Then their island restaurant.  Delicious success!

Just as they first succeeded in doing what they dreamed - both getting social service agency jobs right out of college - then made a major shift when that dream turned out to offer less than they both craved, so they also left the kitchenware business when they started to get antsy for a new business challenge, then left the specialty food business (I can personally attest to their wow success) when their response to the unsavory aspects of working with super market chains clued them in it was time for another change.  And a move.  South.  Way far south.  Anguilla.

Mega thanks to Molly Nece for a shout out to one of her mentors, Ken Blanchard.  That got me thinking about Bob & Melinda & the impact they had on me the moment I started reading their story.  Had just finished Molly's book, so decided to take a bit of a break & reread Changing Your Course.  Brilliant!  It's probably been at least three years since I last gave it a serious read.  

Interesting, reading something that moved me back when, but with more experience in what I want to be doing, where I want to be going.  With a better appreciation of MY dream & determination to make it so.

Will come back to Ken & Melinda, as I share glimpses & glimmers of my own special dream in their writing.  As I move past simply dreaming to DREAM.

befriending my Ps

Health.  Order.  Recognition.  Wealth.  Competitiveness.  

The 5 Ps that didn't even register on my Principles radar.  Ps that, if anything, left me with a chilled frisson of UNrecognition.  Praise be, nowadays anything that registers as UN catches my inner eye as needing attention.

And a little TLC.  Health ~ Order ~ Recognition ~ Wealth ~ Competitiveness.  Each has the potential for being a wonderful, healthy, wholeness-inducing part of my life.  Each has a place in my life.  Without each, my ability to reach & lay hold of all I want to do, to accomplish is seriously diminished.

Mentioned this to someone at Saturday's farm market.  Taken aback by her response - "So what do you think are at the roots of your response?"  Was taken aback, because how would could or even should I recognize the origins of my detachment from each?!  Am letting the messed up past stay in the past & get cracking on developing fresh, positive, productive relationships with each.

Health - Oh, Lordy, does this one need attention!  It is a challenge, given that I have no employer-provided health care coverage (in the past, working for health care coverage providers, I had the best), no access to the ACA (post-tax income too low, PA governor chose to NOT expand our state's Medicaid program), and no $$ to afford medical care, not even diagnostic services.  (When you're without contracted coverage, providers can - and do - charge whatever astronomical amount they want.)  Coming up with productive next steps on this one will be a challenge. 

Order - Okay, John is totally behind helping me get into a better, happier place of order.  Have been an exceptionally messy person all my life.  Was held in from recess many times to clean out my desk or to clear out & organize my notebook.  When I drop things off in the BACNC student mail boxes, remember how JAMMED mine always was.  Don't ask how many unopened e-mails I have, most unnecessary stuff.  

Recognition - Funny that this doesn't resonate with me, since I've been consistently recognized for exceptional accomplishments from the time I started working in the corporate world.  US Healthcare, Prudential, BISYS - was highly praised for the work I did at each company, in each position. At USHC, I zoomed from an hourly customer service rep to a key member of the physician liaison team;  physicians personally called to beg me to not leave because "you're the only one who understands how the program works."  At Prudential in the mid 1990s, an executive vp from the Newark HQ singled out my online Brand Voice Bulletin newsletter for heaps of praise; never dawned on me it was cutting edge in the company - just did it because it did the job that needed doing.  At BISYS, never suspected I might be singled out from 1600+ coworkers as the 2000 employee of the year - nothing I did seemed that special, just what needed doing.  Recognition has come easily to me, but has never mattered.

Wealth - Don't get me started.  The energies around my money experiences are totally mucked up.  Have known that for decades.  When I talk about it, can see that my oldest brother considers money - and social position - to be the arbiter of someone's value.  Can see that my sister believed the opposite - "money kills imagination, creativity."  In my mind, I see money simply as energy, which is positive or negative depending on how it's used.  That's in my head.  My UN response to money as a P has me wondering about what's in my heart.

Competitiveness - Raised that this was NEGATIVE.  At my high school, the guys got to compete against other schools in sports, but the girls were limited to intramural sports - between classes, not with other schools.  Such competitiveness was unseemly for ladies. Not so now - thank heavens - but utterly entrenched back in the day.  Not that it would have made a difference to me.  My sister was the female athlete in our family.  It was fine for each of the boys to be sports stars, but one of the key edicts in the family was "Don't step on anything Mim is doing."  Mim did sports, so it was a given (at least to me) that athletics was off limits to me.  As with my studies, didn't even try.  Why bother?  I'd never come up to Mim's level.  Of all the UN Ps, this one looks like it's going to be the most fun to explore, develop & expand.  

Thanks, Molly, for helping me discover an unseen, unexperienced UN relationship with those essential 5 Ps.  Let the energy work begin - hey, it already has!

Minding my Ps

A small treasure arrived Thursday - Chasing Stars in the Sunshine, by The Great Molly Nece (my name for her - most folk know her as Molly Sunshine).  Being a somewhat short book, thought I'd get through it in a somewhat short time.  

Not so fast!  Small book, lots to ponder.  Found myself going slow.  Came to a complete stop last night, after discovering my missing Ps.

Ps?  

Best to start at the end - the back of Molly's book, where a first reading of her first sentence gave me pause:  There are some people who only hope for the best, while others plan for greatness.  Sheez!  Is she saying that planning for greatness is a  good  sort of thing?  Does it feel that way to me?  Wasn't sure.

Reading on, talk about action & discover how to live in the moment & living your legacy put me more in my comfort zone.  

Smiled at her use of "to the Nth degree," a term my family often used.  

Totally related to adventure, live it to love it, explore, and make a difference & be the difference.  

Settled back for an easy read, mildly engaged by Molly's 5 Ps - principles, passions, persistence, people & peace.  Interesting, but hardly news.  Thought to myself, "Never judge a book by it's back cover." 

HA!  The second sentence of the introduction made me sit up & take notice.  Molly co-wrote a book - Do It Rhino Style, with Dave Magrogan - in 15 days! 

Hmmm...  For many months, the niggling thought, "It will take so long," has side-tracked me from writing my own books.  Molly did one in 15 days.  

By the time I headed off to sleep, had read the introduction & started on Principles. The chapter held great promise, starting out with a section on In spite of or Because of  - people around us teach lessons on how TO do things or how NOT to.  Related to how she stepped back to look at her parents as people, not just Mom & Dad.  Molly had my attention.

It was last night that she stopped me in my tracks, just a page or two into my reading.  Molly lists 20 core principles, with instructions to check off the 15 that spoke to me, then narrow that down to my top 10, and finally get it down to 5 core principles in my life.

What stopped me cold weren't the ones I picked - it was the missing Ps.  The ones that didn't make it to any of the lists.  The ones that didn't resonate with me.  At all.  They tell a tale, all by themselves.

Health.  Order.  Recognition.  Wealth.  Competitiveness.  
My missing Ps.

Shook me up, realizing I never even paused to consider any one of those five.  Oh, picked "economic security," but Wealth?  Realized my response to that word was to move away from "getting rich, making money," and on to the more resonant "being involved with others" (Involvement).   

The realization of my cool, shoving-away response to each of word sunk in & so did the awareness that there's more here than was previously apparent in my life.

One of those - yeah, it makes sense to one of them might not be a core principle.  Maybe even a couple.  But none?  What about health, order, recognition, wealth & competitiveness makes me squirm?  It wasn't just that they didn't resonate - they felt somehow incompatible with my core being.  

Could that be a reason why I have so little of each in my life?  

The first sentence on the back cover suggested that greatness was a good thing to expect & plan for, more than just hoping & working toward the best.  Page 24 has me pondering why five of the core principles required to achieve greatness in addition to goodness are totally utterly completely outside my ken, feel anathema to my very sense of who I am.

Time to mind those missing Ps, to make them welcome, even if they don't make it to the Final Five.  

Small book, big awareness.   

SO Molly Sunshine!

"Don't go back to sleep"

It took until 5:15 a.m. to accept that sleep really wasn't going to happen, until 5:30 a.m. for me to finally accept that it made more sense to get up than to be keeping John awake with my tossing & turning.  So, here I be, writing a post about ONE of the things keeping me awake.

A week from tomorrow, John & I are mounting a joint art show at Be Well Bakery & Cafe.  It's our second art show together, John's first at Be Well (much to my surprise, I did a summer-long exhibit of Bryn Athyn Bounty photos back in 2013).  

The old me would have held off getting everything together until late Thursday night - next week.  Not sure I'm all that crazy about being wide awake in the wee small hours worrying about getting John's pet-traits reprinted & ready for display, about writing new descriptions explaining the purpose of the show (John's art work & my outbursts of creativity), about finding a dress form to display the wedding dress Brenda drew out of an antique, hand-embroidered table cloth.  

If the artists for our "pizza & music" opening gives a taste of the event, then we will do just great.  Grayson Zuber & (I hope) a dear young friend who is an awesome songstress.  We will see if that pans out.  Whether it is a split bill or Grayson is the solo act, it will be an wonderful evening.  Just one set, which is fine with us.  

Gets me remembering our opening two summers ago at the gallery at the Bank of Princeton/Lambertville.  Smiling, remembering the people who touched us deeply by showing up.  If this opening is even half as special, it will be unforgettable.  

Have to get the post card from the first show (John trimmed off the show-specific info) over to Copy Max to get ones run off for "Hey, friends - this is happening" postettes.  Will get that done, with description on the back, today.  

And I'm still writing thank you notes for our State of the Human letter, plus working on the crowdfund request that clamors to be posted by 09/29/14!! And it's crunch time for advertising Bryn Athyn Community Theater's fall production, Little Women.  And working to stay awake aware active with revamping my life into sustainable patterns that will support me in rolling out what's in my heart. 

This IS a crazy busy September.  Will NEED my long, mid-October week at Rowe Conference Center to rest & restore!

The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you.  Don't go back to sleep! 

You must ask for what you really want.   Don't go back to sleep!

Rumi

stronger, wiser, more personally powerful

"Resiliency is the ability to overcome challenges of all kinds–trauma, tragedy, personal crises, plain ‘ole’ life problems–and bounce back stronger, wiser, and more personally powerful."    What is Resiliency & Why is it So Important? 

Woke up this a.m. thinking about Molly Nece, an inexplicable force for good in my life in spite of the fact we've never met or even developed one of those "feel like we've always known each other" Facebook friendships. Which got me to thinking about how clearly I know what things make me happy & which make me feel blah.  Being resilient is near the top of the list for making me happy. 

Resiliency is all about the present moment.  What am I doing NOW?  It's all about using tools that work, adopting wise action attitudes.  It's ALL about seeing, sifting & seizing!

And there's no getting discouraged, because it's always NOW.  Which gets me to thinking about Amory, the most awesome cat (make that sentient being) in the Universe EVER!  That wee small black kitty was just with us for a year.  From what we could tell, he'd lived a hard life, but it didn't seem to leave any mark on his spirit.  With Amory, every day was a new opportunity for wonderful.  Whatever traumas & heartbreak was in his past, it was past - what did today, this moment hold?  All that from a CAT?  You'd have to have known that remarkable being.  He embodied resiliency.  

How remarkable to be in a place where I can see things more clearly through Amory's eyes, with a bit of Molly's sunshine attitude, and a joyful embracing of life-strengthening strategies. Where past experience, good bad & indifferent, becomes insight & lessons learned.  And each day dawns with the promise of creativity, doing things that touch lives in whole & healthy ways, being the best version of ME possible within these 24 hours.  Knowing what that means & living it.

Being resilient - stronger, wiser, more personally powerful.

"A creativity line from The Great Molly Nece"

Just before awakening this a.m., the flash of an image zapped through my dreams - a Michaels' ad, boldly announcing "A creativity line from The Great Molly Nece!"  Wow - such a vivid, gone-in-a-flash image just before opening my eyes.

Every day should start with thoughts of Molly!

NO idea where it came from, but a terrific way to wake up.  And Michaels SHOULD develop a creativity line by Molly Nece, aka Molly Sunshine. 

Molly & I have never met.  Until recently, she lived within less than an hour's drive, but was never able to get to one of her events.  Now, her sun shines down in Wilmington, NC (a great story in itself).  But Molly is a true sister of Pennsylvania - she rec'd Bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Elementary Ed from Gettysburg College and a Master's from dear-to-my-heart West Chester University.

We've never met, but there's still some sort of connection between my self & her story.  Make that "never-ending stories" - like sunshine, Molly is a fabulous force of nature, spreading warmth & light & (best of all) illumination.  
Gee, I needed a little Molly this morning.  Well, not needed so much as could really use a little sunshine at this point in time.  As I wrote yesterday, life has its challenges & it's natural to want change immediately.  If it did, wouldn't learn all there is from the lessons that precede competency & mastery!

Molly, I hardly know you.  Grannie client commitments kept me from attending your Sunshine events - and who knew you'd be MOVING to North Carolina?! But just ordered The 5 P Philosophy - Mastering the Art of Dreaming Big and Shining Bright - should be here by Thursday!  Alibris has a copy of Chasing Stars in the Sunshine, my next treasure.  And I am practicing my best pirate ARRRRRRRGH!

Who knows - maybe a full line of creativity activities from The Great Molly Nece will soon be offered in Michaels.  Am certain Molly's wonders will never cease!

"(Molly) resonates sheer brilliance from someone who has been coined an 'entrepreneur goddess' by Marilynn Russell on Molly’s 95.7 BEN FM Woman of the Week interview. 

Her Molly Sunshine brand is a prime example of making the impossible, possible. With over 15 years of professional speaking experience, she’s been given the privilege to inspire people of all ages, from Pre-K to Baby Boomers, with the Miss Molly Sunshine children’s book series, her Chasing Stars in the Sunshine book, the Molly Sunshine Tour, and her group enterTRAINment for schools, religious groups, and organizations! 

Molly is one to watch because she believes that, 'The sky is not the limit. It is only the beginning. Shoot for moon and play among the stars!'  Shine on, Molly Sunshine!" 

 The Chester County Women's Journal

"See, sift & seize" ~ rick warren ~

In a recent sermon, Rich Warren did a better job at describing the importance of not only seeing opportunities in front of us, but in recognizing which the interesting ones which catch our attention & the ones that truly seize our heart, are worthy of our focus & follow through.  

“See, sift & seize” says so much to me.  See the opportunities in from of me. Sift through them, setting aside the good for the great.  Seize them & make them my own, teaming interest with determination, action & persistence.  

Sifting is an often neglected step in the process.  Being able to tell the difference between a truly good opportunity & one that is great.  And, as Rick says, be prepared for unintended consequences.  

I have dear friends who followed an opportunity that looked to many others like the lesser of two job offers.  As it turned out, the choice did create a lot of challenges in their lives that never would have come up with the other job offer.  Serious, difficult challenges.  But they saw opportunity in adversity, sifted through their options, and seized the one that spoke most clearly to their hearts.  Their lives changed, so did countless others in ways they never could have imagined when he first took the original job offer!  Rather than experiencing the unintended as draining & dreadful, they worked what presented its self into something wonderful. 

My friends never lost their focus on their basic faith in themselves, in each other, in their children & family.  That was & is, always & forever, the center pole of their life.  It wasn’t easy, the path they took.  It called on everyone to make sacrifices, to keep their eye on the future, to work in each moment with the hope & expectation of a more fulfilled future.  

It's true, they seem to have a talent for discerning the great from the good.  They've passed that awareness down to their children & inspired their friends to be more aware, always remembering that seems great to others might not to you, that your great might not even seem good to them.  Be able to see, sift & seize for your self.  

Rick surprised me in pointing out that it is as right for opportunities to fit our personal purpose & calling as it is to feel like it’s a call from God.  “You need to be purpose driven not prophet, pressure, priority or public-opinion driven."

Loved his focus on timing – that opportunities come when we least expect them.  We need to be prepared & ready to see them, if when & how they do. 

Just this past week, I wrote a thank you to a young man who changed my life – a lot of lives – when he was a senior in high school.  As part of his senior project, he put together a benefit concert that would have challenged almost every adult I know.  He was 18.  Age had nothing to do with his effectiveness, with his ability to reach out & recruit singers from a variety of colleges who’d never heard of his school, but who came away from their experience with new awareness & appreciation - of him, his high school & its sister college.  Again – he was 18.

Then, there’s me.  Am at an age when most of my classmates are looking toward retirement.  Some already are!  Yet, here I am, embarking on my most ambitious life work ever.  Tucked Rick’s words in my heart – “You could have the opportunity of your life waiting for you next week.  You may be 20, 40, or 60 and God may have been holding it until now, but if you're not ready, you may miss it.  (God) can put you overnight in a position that you never expected but you've just got to be ready."

See,sift & seize – three words that I needed in my life right now.  My thanks to Rick Warren for saying them out loud, for sharing his experiences with foregoing the good for the great, for his shout out that opportunities know no age limit when we are prepared to see them, take the time to sift them & then make the effort to use the energies that will fulfill them.

 

learning clarinet, all over again

Back in 6th grade, I wanted to play the clarinet.  After being badgered for days, my parents gave in, signed me up for lessons & rented an instrument.

The lessons lasted maybe six weeks before I gave up in disgust & quit.

Yes, I wanted to play the clarinet.  What I didn't want, hadn't counted on was having to LEARN how to play.  Hadn't imagined how awful it would sound as I became familiar with the mouthpiece - & my sworn enemy, the reed - let alone proper breathwork & using the keys.  It never entered my mind that it would be a struggle to learn just how to play the scales without sounding like a scalded cat.

If my parents had insisted that I master the scales before being allowed to drop the instrument, it would have been clear that mastery requires a lot more than desire, but that it will come, with persistent focus & action.  I don't fault them - my whining to stop the torture, hearing my gosh awful practicing coming out of my bedroom, and the cost would be enough to make any typical parent cave.

But this is today, not 50 years ago.  And the skill I committed to mastering is a better sense of order in my life, beginning with our home.  Just like with the clarinet, learning how to hit the right notes in housekeeping is taking a lot longer than I envisioned.  It feels like a personal failure, rather than the nature of realigning an entrenched life habit to a more whole & healthy place. 

Just like I love listening to a well-played clarinet, a welcoming home delights my very heart.  It would be so lovely if all that was needed was the desire to get past a lifetime of dreadful habits, let alone all the other gunk that piles up in my head pulling me away from making sense of it all.  But the lessons aren't in the end result, but in the learning.

Do what my parents couldn't - keep at it.  Don't get discouraged.  Stay on task.  Imagine what it will feel like to walk into every room & have it say, "Welcome."  Do it for me.  Do it for that clarinet, which never had the opportunity to be played correctly.  Let an orderly, clean & welcoming 450 Pheasant Run be one of its greatest legacies!

accepting what is

As I wrote out the first stack of envelopes for the first batch of State of the Human #3, tagging up each generic letter with a personal thank you note, it struck me that there will be those who experience me more as a flagrantly flattering fake than as just gee whiz grateful.   

Tough!

It took sixty years to get to this most precious place in my life, and am utterly unapologetic for being off-the-charts beholden for all the blessings, especially all the people, in my/our life.  


Have never learned the art of modest moderate modulated thanks.  Oh, the years I accepted that as my cross to bear, a major failing.  And the fact is that people - a lot  - ARE put off by gregariously grateful ways.  While I long to be a calm Kanga, am pegged as utterly Tigger.  I yearn for restraint & steady wisdom, but constantly blunder into something more pinging off the wall. 

To all the people who might feel irked bothered bugged by my State of the Human #3, who might find me irritating at best or, at worst, an intrusive insincere panderer ~  get used to it.  Keep an eye out for those envelopes from Deev & feel free to just toss it into the circular file.  No harm, no foul. 

Maybe I'll be more Kanga-ish in my next life.  For now, will content myself with being the sort of person who cherishes deeply, appreciates muchly, thanks openly & often.  A born Tigger! 

The wonderful thing about tiggers
Is tiggers are marvelous chaps!
They're loaded with vim and vigor
They love to leap in your laps!
They're jumpy, bumpy, clumpy, thumpy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!

leave a legacy

Cannot remember how long ago I went to my first women's retreat at Tonche.  Feels like it had to be at least 20 years ago.  Feels like I was still working with Pete Boericke, at Prudential Healthcare. The only thing that I know for sure was that I bought the audio version of Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to listen to on the drive up to the mountains.  Can remember that the first cassette tape started playing as I pulled out of the Barnes & Noble/Willow Grove parking lot and the last one finished just as I pulled into Danna's driveway up in the Catskills.

And in between, my life shifted.

Although I'd never read Dr. Covey's book, much of what he said as I wended my way across the Delaware, up through New Jersey, up to Kingston & finally Glenford, resounded in me as a long-time YES.  But I'd never given much thought to the importance of leaving a legacy.

I know for certain sure that it's been many years I've spared a thought on the importance of legacies.  Woke up in the wee small hours of this morning thinking about it - a lot.  Started out last night, thinking about the often ignored importance to all of us - especially older people - to feel like we will leave some sort of legacy behind us when we're gone.  Bits & pieces of what I first heard on that long-ago drive flitted through my head.  What was the whole quote?  Heaved myself out of bed & downstairs for an online search. And there it was:

“There are certain things that are fundamental to human fulfillment. The essence of these needs is captured in the phrase 'to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy'. The need to live is our physical need for such things as food, clothing, shelter, economical well-being, health. The need to love is our social need to relate to other people, to belong, to love and to be loved. The need to learn is our mental need to develop and to grow. And the need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution.”

Ah, yes.  Except what stood out for me on first hearing that was NOT anything about leaving a legacy, but the spiritual need to have a sense of personal congruence.  Smiling, as I remember the bells & whistles that seemed to ring though my head first hearing that!  YES!  It hit home because of knowing that I had no sense of personal congruence.  That one sentence, perhaps more than any read before or since, set me on the path toward a better sense of alignment & wholeness.  

Small wonder that what was shared about legacies sort of faded out into only a vague memory of something important I once heard.  Or maybe it was something that couldn't be attended to UNTIL achieving a healthier sense of personal congruence.

In any case, here I am, pondering my own need to leave a legacy.  

Which got me thinking about how many people leave a positive legacy within their families.  That seems to be the place that most people leave their most vital legacy.  They might be people of great importance, whose work will reverberate through the ages, but it's the legacy we leave with our loved ones that - in the end - we value above all others.  Which got me thinking about my own funky reality of not having a family to leave a legacy, at least a positive one.

Until around 5:05 a.m. this morning, had never thought about the possibility of MY leaving a legacy behind me.  My experience is the opposite of legacy leaving.  None of my family remembers me doing anything of any value for any of them.  That seems strange, even harsh, but it is true.  

All my sister remembers is that I offered to do things for her, but that she always turned me down.  And she completed her memory delete when she brushed away anything that might have been when she proclaimed, "the past is the past" - with no meaning, no value for her in the present.  Does she still feel that way?  Maybe not, but she's never told me otherwise.

A lifetime of being there, doing things, being a loving supportive sibling - gone.

Peter was even more amazing.  In his memory, as soon as he was able to leave home for college, he lived a totally separate life from mine.  Mim at least acknowledges some sort of mutual past;  to Peter, there was none. 

A lifetime of being there, doing things, being a loving supportive sibling - not just gone.  Never happened.

And to my other brother - at least, to his wife - they all did their part for Mom every bit as well as I did mine.  Couldn't fault what she said, even the first time I read it.  She referenced roles, and in that she was spot on.  In Mom's eyes & heart,  the only part they had to play was to be present, at least in some way, in her life.  Anything more they did was gravy.

Not exactly the sort of environment for legacy leaving, especially given the fact that John & I don't have children of our own.  Guess it made sense that i never gave legacy leaving much thought.  

Until now.  Until 5:05 a.m. this morning.  Because leaving a legacy is every bit as important as Dr. Covey described.  And just because I don't have close family ties with my surviving siblings, don't have family of my own to influence & leave a lasting legacy of love & whatever else, doesn't bar the way to making a difference, to leaving a vital something for someone.

Maybe it wasn't possible to ponder the importance of legacy building until after achieving a healthier sense of personal congruence.  In my birth family, there just wasn't a sense of any sort of congruence.  Didn't discover until Mom's final weeks, that one of her deepest, more essential beliefs was a complete screw-up of a core teaching in our church - that a person's actions & intentions need to be in alignment.  

Many's the time I heard ministers teach about the importance of our intentions being in agreement with our actions, that our actions had no meaning if not in alignment with our intentions.  Somehow, Mom interpreted that as saying that our intentions were more important than our actions.  Many a time, she'd tell me, "I hear what you're saying.  I understand what you're saying.  I agree with what you're saying.  And I'm going to do this (something completely opposite)." And it always made sense to her - she agreed with me;  what did it matter what her actions were?  She was baffled & hurt when I'd flip out at her & she'd say, in a genuinely wounded wail, "But I agreed with you!".  To Mom, intention was everything;  a piddly thing like action?  Bah!  God gave that secondary importance.  She could never understand why I couldn't get it.  Everyone else did.  Of course they did - she kept doing what they wanted, while agreeing with me.  

Not an environment conducive to any sort of congruence!

They are my family & helped form the person I was.  But I married John.  

And John is all about natural congruence. 

What goes on in his internal life is consistent with what he says  & does in his external one.  It's not that John taught me how to be congruent, he simply modeled healthy behaviors that I could mirror. He never pushed;  just showed a different way & left it for me to make changes, or not.  I doubt he had a clue of how deeply he changed my life, how much he made it possible for me to develop a sense of personal integrity.  

Building & leaving a legacy.  In some ways, John & I are building a lasting legacy in our marriage.  After 25 years together, we are happy, and that is a pretty darn good role model for a lot of people, of any age, to see.  We have fun together, we connect.  And we learn together & from each other.  

If our marriage - it's light-hearted nature, deeply rooted caring, forever loving - is the only legacy I/we leave behind, that's okay with me.

But....  Dr. Covey was spot on - leaving a personal legacy is fundamental to human fulfillment, is part of "our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution."  

Maybe we can't consciously set out to leave a specific legacy, maybe it just happens - or doesn't - because of how we live our life.  

I'd like to leave a legacy of a more embracing expanding empowering elder culture, if only in my own neck of the woods, and will do everything I can to make that happen.  Whether it turns out to be a lasting legacy or not, hopefully some good will come.  

I'd like to leave a legacy of people who know how much I care about them.  Might happen, might not.  But living my life in a way that makes it possible will benefit me - and hopefully others - no matter what.

Maybe a reality of living with a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence  & contribution simply makes it possible to leave behind that lasting legacy that touches the ages.  Don't worry about leaving a legacy, just life a legacy-worthy life.  As Dr. Covey would say, that's win-win all the way!

Gift of compassion

Not sure if my mother was more amazed or bugged by my ability to look at a situation from my perspective AND its opposite.  Could argue my point, then turn around & argue my sister's (which was often very different).  Alas, that didn't mean I was graced with an equally heightened sense of compassion toward my sis, just that I could understand & rattle off where she was coming from.  

Took me countless risings & settings of the moon to get to a place of compassion for people who drive me batty.  Had to first learn that I am not the arbiter of right & wrong, and that feeling tenderness & concern for others didn't make me weak, just aware.  Aware that I am not the end all & be all, that there is no "other" - that's an illusion.  We are all connected.  There is no other, only us.  

At the moment, am writing the thank you notes going out with our State of the Human update #3.  What a remarkable feeling of connection, from such a simple action.  Finding the just-right note card, taking the time to dash off just a few words, teaming it up with the generic update - feeling wrapped in a blanket of well-knit love.

My most important thank you is heads to the Great Spirit for getting through the gunk & junk & bumble-headed self-absorption.  I could clear all the meddlesome, muddlesome stuff out of the way, but the actual grace of compassion - that was a gift from a far higher source.  Thanks, thanks & more thanks for making my life lighter, livelier, sweeter.